Alright, my first post of my first Let's Play. Yikes. As the beginning of the Pokemon games aren't known for deep storytelling or gameplay, I kinda just went off and poked fun at the writing and characters. Enjoy.

So I plod along through the exposition, listening to Professor Birch blabber about the magic of Pokemon and a world full of adventure and friendship. Geez, doesn't that sound familiar?

So, with a few final words from Brich, I shrink down and disappear in a flash of white light. Because, y'know, everyone can do that.

And so we begin.

Woah, why the hell am I in a cramped minivan? Who moves their kid with the boxes? And where was the driver? Heck, why couldn't I ride in the cab? It is incredibly dangerous to have a child ride unrestrained in the darkened interior of a moving van. My mother obviously wants me dead.

Nah, I regularly dodge falling boxes. It's old hat now.

So my parent-whoe-totally-hates-me leads me inside where one Pokemon mover rushes the same box back and forth and the other...humps the television. Must be the Late Night Hour With Jynx. Without commenting on the indecency taking place in our new house, mom directs me upstairs to set my clock. As I climb the stairs, I have to wonder: if the downstairs is the kitchen/living room and upstairs is my room...where does mom sleep? Not even two minutes in our new home and I am seriously considering running away. Mom is clearly a psycho.

What's the first thing you do in a new town? Send your child out alone to visit the townsfolk. Never mind going yourself, mom: just sit in the SAME SPOT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

She must be a zen master to never have to eat...or socialize...or use the bathroom.

So I leave mom behind and explore around the town of Littleroot. Despite being a few screws loose, mom is right: the town is quaint and homely. Especially because there are only two houses and numerous people ambling about with no obvious destination or home. We moved into Homeless City. Joy.

The neighbor's wife is nice enough: she lets complete strangers into her house and directs them upstairs to her daughter's room. Which reminds me: who the hell built this town? Two houses with one bedroom each. Someone needs to be fired from their job.

I can be whoever you want me to be, baby. *wink*

Yeah, the neighbor's daughter (who introduced herself as May) isn't exactly intelligent. The first thing she decides to yap about is her dreams of befriending Pokemon and blah-blah-blah...the only reason I didn't fall asleep right there was because she walked over to her computer. Typical teenager.

Anyway, why befriend Pokemon when you could use them to destroy everything and everyone you see? THAT would be fun.

But mom didn't send me over here to talk to the brain-dead daughter. No, I needed to meet a Prof. Birch. A quick check of the Lab (the only other building present, mind you, which probably housed the entire homeless population of the town in its back alley) yielded no Professor, so I decided to take the one path north out of town.

And smack into Prof. Birch, currently being chased by what looked to be a furry doorstop.

Help! Help! It is going to scuff my new boots!

I decide to follow the Professor's advice and take out my frustration from mom and the moron next door by beating the crap out of the fluffball. I checked the bag, where I find three Pokeballs:

Yeah, I'm already lazy enough by myself without having a Pokemon with "Slack" in the name.

Sounds like something May would like.

Wait. Disaster Pokemon?

Yes.

YES.

YES!

I hastily pick my new prize and begin my battle against the little pile of fuzz attacking the Profess-

Wait what.

I quickly checked over the Randomizer's ReadMe, where it states that overworld sprites probably won't match the actual Pokemon. Yikes. I feel like that will screw me up one day.

Regardless, the Blissey proves to be no match for a few well-placed scratches from my new pal. As my opponent falls at my feet, my Absol grows by a full level and a half -- the perks of defeating a Blissey.

The Profressor approaches me, praising my actions and inviting him back to his Lab.

Where's Chris Hanson when you need 'em?

My predator alert starts going off as I recall the Lab's interior: one shuffling assistant who looked to be feebler than myself and a whole lot of equipment that looked like probes. I tried to think of a good excuse ("My terrible mother wants me to finish moving our stuff because the Pokemon movers made a mess on the television", perhaps?) when the screen goes black.

OH MY GOD HE DRUGGED ME.

I wake up in the Lab, confused about how I got here. Of course, the Professor acts like nothing is amiss:

So he drugged me, dragged me back here, then did some blood work on me without my consent? What the hell, old man?!

>>> Onwards to Part 2 >>>

(The Forums won't let me post more than 10 pictures per post...wish I had known that beforehand.)