Another vent blog entry? Yes. Another vent blog entry.

In case you don’t know, I take school pretty seriously. Sure, I don’t give it as much effort as it deserves, but I do care a lot about my grades. I have some pretty high standards when it comes to my grades. It’s not a straight A standard, but my GPA is 3.63, and I’m not even happy with that when I’m sure other students would almost kill to have my GPA.

When you get to college, your idea of school may change. Maybe it’s because college is generally tougher than high school. Maybe it’s because there’s more prestige in doing well in college compared to doing well in high school. Or maybe it’s because flunking out of college can mean you lose thousands of dollars, be those dollars you earned yourself or dollars that you won in scholarships. For me, it’s because I like to do things and do them well. I don’t like mediocrity, especially knowing I can do better than that. I know I’ve got the capabilities to be a good student. Maybe that’s why my pony personality results say I’m most like Twilight. Because I genuinely care about my grades.

Today I took a final. It was in Auditing I. In a nutshell, the test was pretty brutal. That wasn’t what disappointed me.

I studied for that test for about 15 hours over the last few days. That’s the second longest amount of time I’ve ever put into studying for an exam. The most being 48 (almost) consecutive hours because I needed to ace the final in order to make a B in the class. But I only needed a 64 on this final to make a B. I needed a 104 to get an A so that was out of reach. But 64 was definitely doable. So I spent at least 15 hours studying for this exam over the last couple days.

I’m not sure I even did that well.

My mom is about the equivalent of a white Asian parent. She takes good grades pretty seriously. A stands for “Alright…we expected that of you.” B means “Bad.” C means “Crucify.” D means “Death.” And F means “You’re f**ked now.” Okay, maybe that’s a stretch. But she’s always expected me to make straight-A’s and I never have. I’ve always had at least one B. It never upset her that much but she always tells me I can do better. I beg to differ, but there’s no convincing her.

Anyway, today has genuinely sucked. There aren’t many feelings that are as great as doing well on a tough exam. But the feeling of working hard and that not being good enough is twice as awful as the former is great.

I’d love to just crawl in a hole for the weekend…