Loving, caring people are a rare breed to come across. No one is perfect, and we all have our flaws but I know who my true friends are. A select few. I only need six people in my life. I can only trust these six people in my life. I am extremely cynical otherwise. Most people are motivated by self-interest. They are selfish. People you think are your friends can turn around on you in an instant.

How many times do I need to experience this? Apparently some higher power, or the luck of coincidence has deemed it that I must experience it again. Is an amazing thing when you need someone you called a friend and they do nothing, say nothing. They ignore you like a stranger. Just destroy what you thought was a friendship. A loved one dies, and you need comfort but they are not there. Is just you alone with your thoughts.

Being alone with one's thoughts is a terrifying thing to me. Especially when you are not thinking clearly. When you experience a horrid tragedy and are not thinking right. Depressive, angry. Not good to be alone then, but some people not care. "Friends" say fuck you, and leave. Why? Who knows. People are weird creatures. Cruel, selfish, creatures.

Not every person is like this. Some people are sincerely kind, and caring and want only the best for their friends. Apparently I have a hard time finding these people. Punishment for my previous sins I believe. Karma probably. The six people I care about...three of them are my relatives. That leaves the other three as normal people. My partner, my deceased wife, and my good friend.

Other friends I possessed leave me. Forget about me, ignore me, dislike me. Like I said, is probably karma for the things I did in my life. Who am I to argue? I did heinous things. I deserve to be treated badly. I deserve to have my heart played with.