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Admiral Regulus

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  1. Admiral Regulus
    This blog is an extended response to this thread: http://mlpforums.com/topic/118166-you-have-been-granted-3-wishes/
     
    I wrote that I would decline all three wishes, and I really do feel that way. I know, it makes no sense... it defies everything most people would probably think, but I am very firm in this decision. There are a few reasons why, but I'll get to that in a bit.
     
    This seems especially weird, considering that this time last year I was severely depressed. I saw tremendous issues with my life, and I was worried that I would not be able to overcome them. Of course I would have had many wishes. I did have many wishes.
     
    It is true that my state of mind has increased dramatically since this summer, but there are some other things going on at work here. This time last year, I would have wished for the following things:
    Someone I love to be my girlfriend
    Someone else to talk to and keep me company when she's gone
    Increased attractiveness/charisma so that more people like me

    Look, I'm not the guy to want a whole bunch of things. I often make jokes about wanting a hundred cars to drive, or a computer so powerful that it needs to be near a hydroelectric power plant... but that's all a jest. I really don't want much in life.
     
    I have most of everything that I need; money isn't an issue for me. I grew up poor, so I'm used to living an easy, simple life without unnecessary spending. When I was a baby, my family was on food stamps. I grew up being told that I couldn't have any toys because they wouldn't fit in the budget. But when I was a sophomore in high school, my father graduated with a master's degree—his income went up by a factor of 3x and off into the triple digits. Since then, we've all had more spending money than any of us know what to do with.
     
    I have a plan to go to school, get a good paying job, and buy a house. That's all stuff I can do on my own, and that's my goal for the next 5 years or so. If I wish that I suddenly have all of that, I'll be wishing those five years away from my life. I'll miss out on a whole breadth of life experiences.
     
    So, based on this line of thinking, nothing of physical or monetary value is of much interest to me. I have a car of my own, an apartment of my own, a decent computer, and I'm getting a good education without having to work a retail job or pay off any loans. What more could I really ask for, really? It's not that I hate my life... in fact, I actually love it.
     
    The reason why I was depressed can be answered by the things I would have wished for. This time last year, I was going through the most painful thing I've ever been through—heartbreak. It didn't just smack me around; it had me crippled. I went through the entire grieving process for about two years before I started to make a recovery.
     
    I had no friends I was comfortable talking to, and because of the nature of the situation, I was convinced that I was completely unlikable and worthless. Of course it's ridiculous to think those things, but I did think them. I had empirical evidence to believe it. I saw that no one appreciated me, no one cared about me, and, at times, no one would even talk to me.
     
    Any wishes I made would have been to alleviate the pain that I felt. I would have changed things around, so that I was a likable person with a working social life. I would have made sure that she liked me, and if not her, then at least someone did.
     
    Crazy? Yes! Of course! That's the point! That's why I would decline my wishes, if I were given them today.
     
    In this past year, I've come to realize that I am a likable person. I've realized that I'm not worthless. I've realized that I do have friends, and there are people I can talk to. A large part of that is because of this site, and an even larger part of that is because of MLP: FiM and the brony fandom as a whole. The largest part of that was removing a certain crappy person from my life.
     
    Since then, I've just come to accept that whatever happens, happens. I've gone through a lot of pain from that bout of depression, but it's made me a wiser, stronger person. It's produced a lot of good things, including a 250k+ word long fanfic. It's allowed me to reflect on so many of my own beliefs and desires, and develop a greater understanding of so many fuzzy concepts.
     
    There was a time when all I wanted was someone to love me, and I do still want that... but since I see that I am worthy of love, I know it can wait. It may not happen this year, next year, or even the year after that. Still, I can be patient. Thanks to all the positive support I've received from all the new and old friends I've talked to this past year, I am confident that it will happen eventually.
     
    And as long as I know that, I can be happy.
     
    I have a good life. Aside from that one hump, things have gone well for me in the past, and I predict things will go well for me in the future. I really don't feel the need to make any wishes, because I'd actually rather not mess anything up.
     
    In a way, living the life I have—especially after overcoming this depression—is already like a wish come true.
  2. Admiral Regulus

    The Last of Us

    By Admiral Regulus,

    With midterms long gone and finals soon approaching, mid-November typically marks the pinnacle of procrastination in the life of Regulus. This year is no different—this time around, I started playing The Last of Us on PS3. I had heard many good things about the game, and after waiting for well over a year, I figured it was time to give it a try. I will admit that it's not a game that would normally pique my interest, but I heard the story is "soooooooooooo goooooooood", so... y'know... I had to give it a go.
     
    So, what do I think of it, you ask? I'm not typically one to review games, and I'm not typically one to even form opinions worth sharing. Something about this game is different, though. There is something about this game that I just... really found unsettling.
     
    First of all, this is not a review. That's not what this is. I'm not going to say the game is good, and I'm not going to say the game is bad. I'm not going to tell you whether or not to buy it. What I will do is describe my reaction to it, which means, you know, spoilers and all that good stuff. There's also going to be some vulgar language and descriptions of violent content here, so you've been warned.
     
    The game opens with you playing as a young girl, who happens to be the daughter of an older man. It's the typical horror story: it's late at night, sirens and gunshots are going off, and people are yelling and screaming. The doors are locked, but zombies are bursting through anyway. You know the drill. It's an attack. Run! Escape! Grab your gun and shoot anything that moves!
     
    The beginning of the game is very fast paced, but you don't encounter many, if any, enemies. It's just chaos, and you're just running. Eventually, you think you make it to safety, but... a soldier stops you. He points his gun at you, shoots you, and kills the little girl, your daughter.
     
    Immediately, I had a love-hate relationship with this game. The scene was intense, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't near the point of tearing up when the girl was shot. But immediately, this game makes a very blunt impression: no one is friendly in this world. I was baffled when the armed man started shooting at an unarmed, injured civilian and his daughter. Why? What is the—
     
    I'm sorry, I just don't get it. I don't understand. Soldiers are supposed to be protectors, not murderers. There was absolutely no reason for him to open fire. It was completely unnecessary, out of place, and just, in general, a terrible thing to do. It's against the Geneva convention. No civilized man would... it's just...
     
    Anyway, that was my first impression. From there, the game quickly jumps forward 20 years in time. You're working with an older girl named Tess, who's your partner in crime. Together, you're going after this guy named Robert, who is presumably some sort of crime lord. All you know is that he stole your guns, and you want them back. So, without much thought, I followed through the game's quests and got to the point where I found and interrogated Robert.
     
    Already, I was starting to have a bad feeling about this game. Even though Robert tells you what you want to know, you and Tess still end up killing him in the cutscene. At that point, I wasn't too pleased with what my character was doing, but I went along it. Robert stole my guns, therefore Robert is an asshole. Therefore, Robert should have died. Got it.
     
    It is at that point when you meet a younger girl named Ellie. You're asked to smuggle her, without much a reason as to why. Initially, I was expecting to go on some quest to reunite her with her family or something, but as it turns out, Ellie's family is long gone. The reason why you're supposed to smuggle Ellie is because she is infected, but not turning into a "clicker." There are people working on a cure for the fungus, and Ellie's immunity is the key to finding it.
     
    Okay. I liked that. Sounds good, right? I can help Ellie get to the people working on a cure, save humanity, and help overcome mankind's greatest challenges. Out of all the chaos I've seen, I can bring some good out of it. Right...?
     
    Wrong.
     
    Apparently, my character is a complete asshole. Oh, no. He doesn't want to do it. Tess wants him to do it, but he refuses. He's only looking after his own skin. My character beats the shit out of a guy and his hundred minions to recover a few stolen guns, but when it comes to saving the future of humanity... oh no, to hell with that. Let's let humanity die, shall we?
     
    So, moving forward, he does agree to smuggle the girl, against his will. Tess dies, and Ellie becomes your new companion. That's when the adventure begins.
     
    Nothing interesting happens between the two main characters until they get to a character named Bill. Bill is another survivor, who has an entire town to himself. The whole area is lined with booby traps and other point defenses. Again, we meet a character who is an asshole. He nearly kills you and the girl on sight, and then goes on to talk about how he refuses to look after anyone but himself.
     
    If you haven't noticed it yet, everyone in this game (except Ellie) is inherently cynical. The characters are all as dull and lifeless as the world around them. They don't have any compassion; they're just cold and stoic reflections of the world they live in. They shoot, and then ask questions later... if at all.
     
    After several hours of wishing I had Ezio's hidden blades instead of cheap, flimsy box cutters from Sam's Club, I finally reached my destination: my brother's place. Apparently, he's the guy who can take Ellie to the Fireflies, the group of people who can find a cure and save the human race.
     
    At this point, my character wants to leave Ellie with brother Tommy, and leave that at that. It's over. He's done.
     
    ...Until, of course, Ellie goes on her little tirade about being alone. This is where the game starts making a turn. Instead of my character being this heartless bastard, he starts to lighten up a little. He actually starts to care about Ellie, but there is a reason for this. Ellie reminds him of the daughter he lost. Ellie is the replacement.
     
    So, what happens? My character decides to go with Ellie to the Fireflies' headquarters. This is a genuinely good moment in the story. Finally, I get the impression that this asshole of a character I'm playing is finally starting to lighten up. Ellie is a breath of fresh air and a beacon of hope in this world; it's good to see that my character thinks so, too.
     
    All is well until the very end of the story. The bond between the main character and Ellie strengthens, and it's clear that a father/daughter relationship is forming. But the endgoal—getting Ellie to the Fireflies—turns out to be a big disaster.
     
    You see, Ellie wants to save humanity. She knows she's infected, and she knows she holds the cure. She's willing to embark on this mission, and she fights harder than anyone else. She's strong, fiery, and feisty. She's a badass, but she doesn't have the same "I don't care" attitude as everyone else. She does care. She knows what she has to do, and she's willing to do it.
     
    On the other hand, when the operation to extract her brain and examine the fungus begins, my character flips out. My character knows this means Ellie is going to die, but he can't have that. Oh, no. You know what he does? He goes around and starts killing everyone!
     
    No, no, no! Stop. These are the good guys! They're working to develop a cure, and you're having me shoot them all? Why? I'm the player. Why can't I decide what to do, here?
     
    I don't know. But, the point is, I can't. My character is insane, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I'm forced to kill everyone, even the unarmed civilians. These are some of the last decent human beings on the face of the Earth, and I'm stabbing them in the throat for no good reason.
     
    Oh, but it gets better. Eventually, I do end up saving Ellie before her operation begins. My character brutally kills everyone in the entire facility, even when they try to talk sense into him. Then, he takes Ellie back "home."
     
    In the end, Ellie wakes up. She asks what happens. The answer? My character lies and says the Fireflies stopped looking for a cure. He says lots of people are immune, and they just don't care.
     
    WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
     
    No. Goddammit, no! That is not true. I care. Ellie cares. The Fireflies cared before you shot them all to pieces. There was hope for humanity, and it was you who ruined it. You wanted your daughter back, and you were too selfish to let Ellie make her sacrifice. You'd rather live your boring life out in the woods with your daughter than save the future of humanity. You'd rather forget about the past than face it and overcome it.
     
    Ellie asks if it's really the truth. The character says yes, to which Ellie pauses. "Okay."
     
    The end.
     
    Okay? How is this okay?
     
    I have never had such a bitter taste in my mouth after playing a game. I feel like I need to unwind the last few hours of my brain. The whole game is nothing but people cheating, lying, backstabbing, and killing with brutal hatred. I can't stand it. I know the game is supposed to have a good story, but it doesn't.
     
    The characters aren't relatable except Ellie, Sam, and Henry. Everyone else is just a sick person who would rather put a bullet in your head. At no point are there ever any negotiations. At no point is there ever an act of kindness. At no point does a character do something that I myself would do. The story goes out of its way to kill as many people and be as heartless and depressing as possible.
     
    In fact, the character I was playing as was basically an anti-me. He makes one choice I disagree with after another. I never would have killed Robert. I would have been more than happy to smuggle Ellie. I would gladly have accepted the mission. I wouldn't have been so harsh toward Ellie in the beginning, but I wouldn't have grown so attached to her later on.
     
    I wouldn't deny Ellie the right to make her sacrifice. I would have encouraged her to do it. I would have wanted to find a cure for humanity more than anything. I don't believe humans are such vile creatures as they are portrayed to be in the game, and I would fight tooth an nail for humanity's survival, if I had to. I would be willing to work as a team more so than ever in any sort of apocalyptic event. I wouldn't backstab anyone, and I wouldn't kill anyone unless I absolutely had to.
     
    The reason why I felt it necessary to discuss this game is because it conflicts with my core beliefs so strongly. I didn't expect to think it would be the greatest game ever, but I expected to at least enjoy it. I did not expect to finish it and feel like I had done something horribly wrong and completely against my principles.
     
    No matter what, I'm really not that misanthropic of a person. Although it may not seem like it, I'm not that cynical. This game really struck a chord with me, but not in a good way. It went against everything I know and fundamentally believe in. I couldn't relate to the main character at all, and at many points in the story, I wished I had the freedom to make my own choices.
     
    The game tries to present all these events as being morally ambiguous, but I just don't see it that way. I wouldn't have made the same choices my character did, and the story told here isn't one that resonates with me. It's too dark. It's too bloody. It's too hopeless.
     
    I don't believe in killing unless it's necessary. I don't believe in saving one person at the demise of millions. I don't believe in the "every man for himself" ideology.
     
    I believe every human life is valuable, and I will do whatever I can to ensure the survival not of myself, but of the human race. I believe humanity has a future. I believe humans can genuinely be good, even in dark times. I believe anything is possible—I don't believe in no-win scenarios. I kill all I want, I steal all I want, and I rape all I want. That amount is zero, because I don't want to do any of those things. A few people growing fungi in their brains isn't going to change that.
     
    If anything, in an apocalyptic world like that, I'd be one of the characters working on a cure. I'd do anything I could to make sure I can help as many survivors as possible. It doesn't matter if everyone I know and love dies. That isn't going to change. That would only make me more dependent on my local community.
  4. Admiral Regulus
    Welp, today's Monday. Along with having a severe case of the Monday's, today is also the first day of the fall semester for a great many people—myself included.
     
    In the midst of my attempt to retrieve and print my schedule, I found the name of my professor for tonight's differential equations class. Partly out of curiosity, I looked at some of his reviews over on Rate my Professor. Hmm... looks like this semester is going to be fun. Here's what I found:
     
    Class is not impossible, but professor is. Makes the material way harder than it needs to be, and doesn't understand that the material is difficult. Can have a condescending attitude when you ask questions he feels are "trivial," doesn't explains concepts in an easily-graspable way. He does definitely know the material.
     
    Professor is very unclear. He words things differently on tests then how they're presented in book, and I believe this is where everyone trips up at. Because he teaches verbatim from the textbook, we expected some consistency. Grades progressively got worse. A third of the class failed test 3. There's no curve, which is absurd.
     
    Not impossible class, but extremely challenging. Don't take if your GPA is hurting. Must be confident with ALL homework problems to do well on tests. No curve, extra points for attendance. He doesn't seem to understand how material is challenging, which makes it hard for him to teach it.
     
    This professor expects you to be able to learn directly from proofs. If tedious complicated proofs are not your thing, steer clear of him. The grade plot for his class, after drop date, peaks at F and drops from there. The only reason I passed his class was because we had a really good student instructor who helped simplify the material for us.
     
    After seeing all the negative ratings, I was a bit uneasy about taking his class, and it was tough for the first few days because of his accent. But you'll get used to it quickly, and then he's rather easy to understand. The class is not terribly easy, but if you attend class and pay attention to his lectures, you don't even need the book.
     
    He mostly works example problems straight from the book. I felt as though he was treating the class as a review for former calc geniuses who needed a swift refresher course. If you get stuck with him, sign the attendance sheet, leave, and teach yourself. The book is pretty poor, too, and I spent a lot of time watching youtube videos to supplement.
     
    The class wasn't easy by any means of the word. Professor Yong knows his stuff he wasnt great at getting others to understand.He does replace your lowest test score with for final exam grade if it's higher of course and you also get 3% added to your final grade if you dont miss more than 4 classes. It's possible to do well. The book is your friend!
     
    I think I'm going to like this guy, although I'm not entirely sure if I'm being sarcastic or not.
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