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Dewdlz

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  2. Dewdlz

    Thoughts #1

    By Dewdlz,

    Thought I would start a journal here. The only bad thing I can think of starting one is the fact I could be judged on something from the past to use against me. Oh well, I kind of don't care as long as I write how I feel down somewhere. Maybe I'll find a brave soul to relate with some day, or just giving more reasons someone wouldn't like me. Either way, I'm doing it; tough. It nullifies loneliness a bit.
     
    I suppose I could start on today's thoughts which is the 19th of May, Tuesday 2015 at around 8:40PM.
     
    I'm laying on a couch much older than I am. Mild headache. Feeling a little sadness within my heart. A familiar feeling I know very well. That gut feeling of "Why do I still keep going?" lingering inside. That doesn't necessarily mean I'm contemplating death, but more of what my purpose is. I've carried many burdens in life thus far. So much pain and still it comes to haunt me every so often. I imagine myself living another life, getting up everyday and greeting parents I never had before. Giving and receiving love, even if it's unclear or an awkward type of love. Actually doing things as a family, bonding, experiencing, keeping memories. Why do I still go on?
     
    All things that live have the instinct to survive. It's all I know. I'm just a random accident, I feel like. I don't feel loved. I don't feel like I belong.
     
    I'm called names. Called depressed, by those who think they're a psychologist with a medical degree in misdiagnosing people on the internet. I'm called names for being a stranger, the new misunderstood, misinterpreted person. I thought those who serve the community whether volunteering or in other ways are supposed to give support, not mistreatment or neglect. I forgot, I'm just a mere member. Bleh. Physicalities are more important than the personality of a living thing. Like the food chain, tigers lions and bears oh my. Yet a black mamba could kill an elephant in half an hour (approx.).
     
    Oh hello there Agent Luna, lemme give you a slap in the face for stating an honest opinion on the internet, you cyber terrorist you. Swat team at my door. Sorry officer I should be careful what I say on the net, the pen is mightier than the sword. I'm a big meanie-pants.
  3. Dewdlz

    Whelp, I tried

    By Dewdlz,

    I guess places like these aren't the best for bonding friendships, just occasional chatter. Many are quick to add me, which is odd. I mostly use the site as a means to alleviate boredom and I can't simply stop liking MLP. I suppose being ignored is human nature if it doesn't appeal, excite, or approve of others. I'm a diverse member, not really quite the conformist. I've known what loneliness is for a very long time. I've missed out on a lot. Rather than making friends, I usually run into rude strangers. That's just the safe, anonymous barriers of the net for me.
     
    I highly doubt I'm listened to, it's more of if someone likes my personality behavior or something they desire which is catered to some specific want or need. I've been in the shadows, observing the behaviors of others, but I'm not one to mimic them. I'm weird, a loner, and to some, evil.
     
    I remember watching someone getting beat up on the streets (YouTube) and many would just walk right by them, not even to help in some small way. Thinking back on my life, I remember getting beat up too, and watching so many bystanders enjoy the show. That's the cruel reality that most humans, are indeed selfish in nature.
     
    Why am I so generous, polite, shy, and emotional? Maybe I've just been treated as a living pin-cushion. I'm shunned or pitied based on who I am, but not really accepted. To rid oneself of any stereotype, prejudice, or discrimination is very hard to do. I suppose I've thought about this and looked into the small details that most would overlook.
     
    "Without deviation of the norm, progress is not possible" - Frank Zappa
  4. Dewdlz
    It all makes sense now! <3


     

    I'm so happy!
    Aha! Happy go lucky me!
    I just go my way,
    Living everyday!
     
    I don't worry!
    Worrying don't agree,
    Things that bother you,
    Never bother me!
     
    Things that bother you,
    Never bother me
    I feel happy and fine!
    AHA!
    Living in the sunlight,
    Loving in the moonlight
    Having a wonderful time!
     
    Haven't got a lot,
    I don't need a lot
    Coffee's only a dime
    Living in the sunlight,
    Loving in the moonlight,
    Having a wonderful time!
     
    Just take it from me,
    I'm just as free as any daughter
    I do what I like,
    Just what I like,
    And how I love it!
     
    I'm right here to stay
    When I'm old and gray,
    I'll be right in my prime!
    Living in the sunlight,
    Loving in the moonlight,
    Having a wonderful time!
     
    Just take it from me,
    I'm just as free as any daughter.
    I do what I like,
    Just what I like,
    And how I love it!
     
    I'm right here to stay,
    When I'm old and gray,
    I'll be right in my prime,
    Living in the sunlight,
    Loving in the moonlight,
    Having a wonderful time!


  5. Dewdlz
    This whole album is amazing so it was difficult to pull one favorite out. It's been awhile since I've listened to WT and it still sounds amazing to me and it brings back memories of the past when I first heard it.
     
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCvGwTWROJc
     

  10. Dewdlz
    https://celestialflesh.bandcamp.com/album/eos
     
    Celestial Flesh is a one-man band from New Jersey USA. The drums are digital while guitars and bass are purely done by Eric Machel.
     
    I must say this is quite an elite album of the djent genre (although djent is widely debated whether it's a genre or not). The shredding and syncopated rhythms are unique from most artists and it goes from death-metal-like riffs to really soothing ambient combinations. Good headphones are required to listen to this.
     
    My pick from the album is:
     


     
    It has a wild tune in the beginning and progressively gets into different signatures. The length of the song is a plus because it tells a story much better. There's nothing else I can really say about something too good for words. Let the ears decide.
     
    Instrumentals tell a story left up to the individual, it's an art for the ears and imagination to unfold. It lets the listener get a clearer understanding of sounds. Vocals are the narrator in the story but not all stories need one. This album reminds me of space, much like the album depicts and the triangulations remind me of mathematical equations for writing polyrhythms. It is a type of math-metal much like most djent. It's difficult to review most songs because my library consists of everything I like. I have so many djent albums, and new ones are always being made. It's an underground genre that I'm glad I found.
     
    Off-topic - but oh well.
  11. Dewdlz

    Inmazes by VOLA

    By Dewdlz,

    https://volaband.bandcamp.com/album/inmazes
     
    This is one of the recent releases I've found to be one of my favorites this year so far. The main reason being the complete turn in the genre, and the many styles it has. It contains mostly clean vocals, which is rare. It's a very unique collection of addicting rhythms, with inspiring and beautiful lyrics.
     
    Once again it's difficult to find a full album in video/audio format but here's my pick - they even have a music video of it as well:
     


     
    http://got-djent.com/
  12. Dewdlz

    EP by Invocation

    By Dewdlz,

    First Djent album entry. Very excited to do this since I listen to this genre every day.
     
    I'm a djent music lover of 3-4 years. For those who have no clue what it is, Google it or let your ears determine the difference!
     
    Since I cannot find the full album in one video, I shall add my input in it as a whole and include my favorite song I've luckily found. Here's my pick on the EP:
     


     
    http://got-djent.com/release/invocation-ep
     
    I really love every song on this EP. The tunes remain fruitful and ever-lasting without a moment of distaste. The vocals are quite skillful and emotional. The guitars are wonderfully blended in with each other simultaneously. The drums of course are very well done as its hard to keep up with this genre without drums. I would say the guitars make it unique and the notes chosen make this my favorite song on the EP. The switch between heavy and ambient tunes is what I enjoy. It tells a story and keeps the listener head-banging (should they like it, however). This is what I listened to years ago and I still love it. 10/10.
  13. Dewdlz

    Farewell

    By Dewdlz,

    It's been almost a decent year being on here. The goal in mind was to meet new users and possibly make some friends. I've made friends, we weren't close but at least I had that experience.
     
    I'm not sure where to begin as to why I'm leaving, but I think the main reason is the feeling of being unwelcome. I've had plenty of rudeness during my time here, even being banned for...no apparent reason it seems. It's come to my attention that I've caused so many unintentional problems and basically when I try to make ends meet, I get slapped again. So, I'm basically giving up and waving the white flag in surrender. I've lost plenty of friends on here as well, either banned or simply leaving under their own terms.
     
    I simply can't keep handling it, when I got banned I literally was contemplating suicide, because I apparently did nothing. I'm so afraid to speak here, every word makes me feel like I'll be punished. I even gave up posting in Life Advice and focusing away from my problems, but that's obviously not the problem I suppose. I used to go there and help others with similar problems, giving all the advice I could. That's probably why I'm hated, because I'm so truthful about my problems and how I address them. I've made so many enemies, and in the past couple of days, I've blocked a total of 4 people, for either being very rude or trolls. That's unusual for me, so I'm taking my best action by avoiding the site as a whole. It will possibly take a great weight off my shoulders knowing that I won't have to worry about it anymore.
     
    I'm going to try and find another site, or even a group similar to the Brony fandom. I know it might not be much of a difference but I'm going to keep looking. I can make new friends somewhere else, there are many forums aside from MLP I could join, so I might just do that.
     
    I also want to state that, upon first arriving to this site, I wanted to change it and improve it, coming up with some ideas on how to do it (without much knowledge on technology at all). I wanted to help those that needed help, no matter how big or small. I even dare say, I looked at the application on becoming a mod and read over it but never decided to write it because I simply know for a fact it would be declined. Not because I don't feel like I would be good enough, but that I wouldn't feel welcome, it's that simple.
     
    I'm going to be honest and say that, I kind of get the feeling that I'm being laughed at, or talked about in Skype or whatever. That may be why I suddenly feel hated by anyone I've engaged with recently. I just can't take being bullied or the rude remarks I get, even from staff, and that's what terrifies me the most.
     
    So, I'm leaving. I can't say if or when I'll be back. I even might just sign out and just view the site anonymously. There might be disturbance in the comments of this blog, so I'm locking it just in case, and that's not my problem anymore.
     
    Luna: Fare thee well mortals and shall thy forum experience bring great happiness. :comeatus:
  14. Dewdlz
    I'm stunned. Whenever I come across a new band I really like, I'm always ecstatic. Cyber-metal though? That's totally new to me and I've been a metal-head for years. This has got a unique methodical groove I haven't heard before. Also, he's from Slovenia; in Europe. Anything from another country will peak my interest. Neurotech is operated and produced by one member, adding yet another favorite to my list of solo musicians.
     

  15. Dewdlz

    So Far So Good

    By Dewdlz,

    Well I joined in June as my profile states, but I only started to use the forums probably 3 weeks ago. It's been better than I expected. From my experience on the internet in general; it hasn't been very great overall, but this is an exception. I've had my fair share of rude strangers and whatnot, trying to force their opinions, etc. Coming here I was introduced into a community of happiness. I mean sure, I do get a few rude and obnoxious ones here and there (not a big deal), that's expected anywhere. I've only blocked a few people so far from simple immature or smart remarks. My time on DeviantArt though, I blocked dozens. Those people on there are a different story, it's like you can say "Hello" and get threatened with your life, over what? I have no clue. Fortunately, it hasn't been like that here, and I'm very surprised and thankful. It has only been 3 weeks so I do have my doubts, and I only intend to make friends rather than create barriers and shun myself away from everyone, which was my goal to begin with. But my goals have changed. It's not good to ask for friends simply because people will be your friend just to pity you for not having any. Instead, it's better to offer your opinions or advice to others who have similar qualities that of you and create a bond there. I've learned that not too long ago, and it's helped me to not feel so lonely. Whenever I do feel lonely though, I simply leave here and come back later. I've created this habit now, because I used to be too patient and wait it out, which made me depressed. But not this time. Sure, there are times I wished I could talk to someone, but being too friendly is also a bad thing. Being too kind and too generous like I used to be meant I only felt lonely even more. This is what I've learned so far, and it's only just begun.
     
    Btw, Luna best pony.

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