Jump to content
Banner by ~ Ice Princess Silky

Stormlight

User
 View Profile  See their content

  • Posts

    1,169

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Posts posted by Stormlight

    Ask Stormlight

    in Ask a Pony

    @,

     

    Ahh, I'm seeing potential in this OC of yours. Great improvements from before. Since I am tired I will try my best to make a comprehensive list than point out each and every subsection.

     

    Critique for the OC Zero / Cero / Cero2:

    • Could you elaborate more on "Dark being." Did you intend him to go back and forth from good to evil?

     

    • Describe the origin of how he has red liquid (potentially blood?), replaced from normal tears.

     

    • Explain why he only appears to have a single eye. [Goes with above question]

     

    ~ Very detailed! Keep improving on your spelling/grammar skills as well.

     

    • Though you described his alignment, he feels more of a neutral being than evil of humble.

     

    All in all, how each of your recent OCs are improving is amazing. You're getting there, keep it up!

    • Brohoof 1

    Ask Stormlight

    in Ask a Pony

    @,

     

    It's amazing how people can have multiple pony OCs, hah. I currently have only two, one in which is a most recent addition to my list of OCs.

     

    I'd love to offer feedback for Cero, do you possibly have some background info about him? (links to a bio, possibly?)

     

    If I had to choose, the most difficult of the game for me would have to be...the Sketchbook map. Not only does the crayon theme hurt my eyes but I searched like crazy on how to progress until I gave in to reading a playthrough :v

     

    My least favorite character from Ib is Ib's parents. Maybe most will expect Mary, but I don't see anything wrong with her (besides how annoying she may be, at least she has emotions. I only say hee parents due to how little background we have of them, and how their daughter ended up in a living art gallery where she could DIE in.

    • Brohoof 1

    Ask Stormlight

    in Ask a Pony

    @,

     

    My current avatar is of Gary from the pixel horror indie game Ib. He's one of my favorite video game characters, and it's a fairly small list.

     

    Aw man, you all enjoy asking difficult questions xD However, as of now, Kaneki Ken from Tokyo Ghoul has my vote.

    Ask Stormlight

    in Ask a Pony

    @,

     

    I believe I have given you some pictures of my OC in my post above, but no matter!

     

    Stormlight is just a normal stallion pegasus that lives in Ponyville. He has no definite job, but he does make money by performing around Equestria. Just an easygoing pony that fits in with the community and such.

     

    If you would like a more detailed description of him, there's a link in my signature to his entire bio. :)

    • Brohoof 1

    Ask Stormlight

    in Ask a Pony

    @,

     

    Assuming you are fine with me giving some constructive criticism (or feedback if that was what you meant) on this topic I will get started then. I apologize if this is lengthy, I do enjoy giving others feedback on hoe to improve their works :)

     

     

    Name: Seems to fit who he is and what he does. Is there a reason why he does wear a mask? Is it to hide his real identity?

     

    Age: Equines or other beings that live in Equestria have no correct "exact" age. Rather than using numbers like human age, maybe replace that with Adult Male, young female, et cetra.

     

    Height: I have nothing to say for his height :)

     

    Type: Most of the time pony OCs belong to one species. Though I have nothing against hybrids and/or alicorn OCs, I am confused about what species your OC belongs to. Although you say he is a Pegasus, the info also says Alicorn. Especially with Mare and Stallion. Do you mean to say...that's his build, or that he is both male AND female?

     

    Gender: As with my statement above, I am slightly confused to what he "is", or would want to be seen as.

     

    Cutie Mark: Cutie marks define a pony's special abilities and skills. However, this is not pointed out in his bio. How did the Masked Commander get his cutie mark? Why a black moon and not something else? (Also, if I may be harsh just this once, Princess Luna already has the title of Moonbutt :v)

     

    Backstory: Ahh, lengthy backstories are my favorite, so let me do my best to help improve your work :)

     

    He always talks about the HQ, however I believe it would be nice to explain exactly where the location is. "Brought back from the brink of death." Although he would like to keep this a secret to his men and everyone else, it would be helpful for people who are seeing your OC know his secrets (Dramatical Irony). Nothing much is being said of how he became how he is now, a robotic pony. Could he be a cyborg? Did he used to be a normal pony until something happened? A backstory of an OC is there to describe how your OC came to be who he is, answering people's questions.

     

    Extras:

    Thankfully my phone enhances the post's words so I can examine easier. There are quite some grammatical errors, nothing too bad but it's good to fix them :)

     

     

    Overall, your OC has a unique background, just make sure to edit anything you think will help people understand your OC more. Sorry if this wasn't what you expected, but someone offering me to critique their OC or any work in general is something I enjoy doing.

    • Brohoof 1
×
×
  • Create New...