EtchASketch

I'm thinking about a lot today! So many racing thoughts It's a little chaotic up there XD

Pain, pain, everyday. I try to keep it at bay. The shadows never go away. When I think it has left, never to return, I have a good day. Yet part of my mind seems to notice how remains. Just hidden. The smile hides it. What hides behind the smile?  Hurt. What hides behind the smile? Nightmares. What hides behind it all? What hides behind it all? The shadows have nowhere to go outside. It evades everything thrown at it and remains. The scars. The scars have faded to almost nothing on the outside. The inside..no no. So many many terrifying scars. So many it forms a mosaic of horror. Horror and sorrow. Yes, there is sorrow. Weeping so much a lake has accumulated in her honor. Pain, sadness, fear, it never ceases here. I don't feel safe. I don't feel safe. I don't feel safe. Not here, but with friends and siblings, my true family. The monster lurks around here. She cooks and gives me things, but yells and frightens me. Hurt hurt hurt. So much hurt. I am scared of her. I do not like the monster. I would like to live on this site, not here. I would feel safe then. Safe, safe, so safe. Warmth and joy. That would be nice, very nice. I cannot think straight now. No more thoughts, just empty empty empty. When I have a good day, my heart is full of joy and love. When I return to this cage, it is drained because of the monster. The monster. That is why I feel empty like a shell. It seems so full of ocean life, but when one peers inside, it is an abyss of nothingness. I understand it now. She has forced me to become my own parent so she doesn't have to deal with a child anymore. Silence thoughts, silence. I do not want to think anymore. Too much wisdom. Wisdom at such a young age bring sadness when one understands too much. I understand and feel the gravity of situations better which puts a mighty, overwhelming pressure on my wilting heart. I cannot, I cannot, I cannot...that is enough, I wish for silence mind. Silence.