FoxyCryptid

Oh that's the transition I missed. Thanks for pointing that error out for me.

I thought a cold open to the plan in progress would be funnier than showing the scene where it was it was organized. 

Hmm, perhaps I missed something, but it felt kinda jarring with the transition from her country girl identity to suddenly playing as her dead self in a morgue. Perhaps it's just me, but I feel to be an issue in this chapter.

She only does it when around people that think she's dead, she had no reason to put on the persona because she was essentially playing her own corpse for the only person she had to fool.

The implication is that she snuck down ahead of everyone else (maybe through a back door) to get in position for Kai, Dan, and Tails to come look for the "body" and Daniel to "find" her in front of the doctor.

It's the plan she mentioned calling them about at the end of the last chapter.

Heh, rather a good way to describe some sad emotions throughout the chapter while making point that she's not dead she'll be back up soon so as to alert the audience that she'll be back. Still it's a nice side story describing the events for what her accident was like.

I actually have a ton more this because I sat down and re-wrote all of Revelations from Tails' POV. I made edit up more of these scenes that are unique to his version. 

Sorry, I meant to say that it's likely I haven't. Sorry for my error.

Oh, I was just wondering what you thought of it.

No, Course I most likely didn't read that part to be frank.

?

Maybe I'm tied but I didn't quite understand that.

Tune in next time on Melinda chronicles.

I was actually thinking of the intro speech on a 90s TVshow or cartoon when I wrote this :b. This thing would so be a comic if I could draw.

Did you get the "scene of the wreck", chapter read?

Nice way to add more needed detail to the family dynamic they seem to be having Shoboni. So what next for this band of misfits?

Likely another Slice-of-Live story since I spent so long putting the cast through hell.

Also, I need to re-visit Knuckles since I just realized he's been MIA since they told Amy.

Ah that makes a bit of sense, thanks for relaying that info. Please continue to write at your leisure, Shoboni.

Kicking around an idea for a recursive AU in the Sonic X universe like I told you, as well.

The idea for a big plot element is that someone that knew her on earth before she wound up in Mobius (who it is would be a big reveal) has wound with a lot of "unofficial" political power that he uses benevolently to act as sort a "big good" behind the scenes until something big enough happens that he shows himself and joins a fight personally.

A lot of plotholes would be filled by him pulling strings to make things happen in favor of the heroes and keep everyone off their asses as best he can without raising suspicion

. 

Ending is a bit corny for my liking but I guess that's in personal tastes. Other than that moment of Plot induced stupidity from Frost when he could've killed her but chose to fight her for the sake of satisfying his ego, I rather liked the chapter and such and is a good pay off for the story. Any other plans going forward?

I tend to write from the idealistic end of the spectrum so it seeps in.

As for Frost/Isa, my intention is that he was definitely smart, but at the same time so arrogant and narcissistic it was his downfall as shown by the way he clearly failed to realize Melinda was leagues about him in skill level and had so far only been held in check by his intimidation tactics.   

There's an epilogue to this wrapping things up, and then possibly another slice-of-life story.

Nice little chapter to take things smooth and to slow things down a bit while fine tuning Melinda's relation with Sonic and Tails for the better. Now I feel is the time for another event in the story or so. Will you try to test Melinda's hope in not spilling blood soon?

The final climax begins next chapter and that should tie into the last two chapters I wrote ahead of time.

so awesome.    It was cloudy here.  Boo.  It was also rainy.

 

darn pegasus.

I honestly got lucky and the sky was just obscenely clear over my house during the eclipse. You can see up there that even the stars were bright enough for my camera to pick up.  

as active flickered to life as she flipped a switch along the side.

                   ^

              flickering

 

 

but was special because it was the first really cool things I built,”

    ^

    it

 

 

 

Yeah, lady, you look more ticked off than Eggman after I trash one his death-traps.

                                                                                                         ^

                                                                                                        of

 

You to, you’ve come along way just like he has.”

      ^

     too

 

 

hurt children for fun you sick piece of garbage.”

^

Probably add and you there

 

One other thing is that, I don't know, but I felt the pacing was a bit too quick. I'd like a little more time personally, but otherwise, it's decent set up for how Sonic and Tails came to be friends while hinting at that dark monster Melinda fears about herself.

I unfourantly have two pacing settings, a little to fast like this or unholy monsters like Revelations that never end. I know this because I have a 25 page monstrosity sitting unedited in by Gdocs where I wrote a second version from Tails' POV and extra scenes like when when he identified her.

Also, yeah, I'm trying to keep cannon mostly intact with the required retcons to have her involved.

Roger

Writing this actually gave me a funny idea.

If I ever write entries to this AU set in the far future when it's time to tell the grandkids she's going to have teaching aids prepared a head of time to prove it that include Tails adoption papers (they'd think she's his sister upto that point), family photos, the ID she adopted him with (Melinda Rosemary Prower), and just all kinds of stuff that gets progressively older until something comically absurd like a framed sketch Jericho did of her over 800 years ago that he signed and dated comes out.   

There'd even be a little black comedy when she pulls out her own obituary from the public death in Revelations and a few things from a fake funeral they had put on (which, I want to write a story about that as well) 

I know, it's just I'm wondering about the past chapters since he's certainly much older than. Unless you have that rectified that I've failed to see.

This is set way before the other stories, in which he's almost nine (I think she even mentioned adopting him nine years ago in Revelations).

So this takes place four years before Revelations and the following stories, it's a prequel. 

and how came he part where she’d fear she’d lose him.

          ^

       now

 

Other than that, while I liked the story, this does create one huge plot hole in your previous chapters with Tails knowing about the immortality thing before hand. How you're going to fix that, Shinobi?

Read the first section again, where it calls him her "5 year old son".

This takes place several years prior when she told him for the first time, the even it mentioned in A Mother's Goodbye AND Revelations. It's actually another one-shot I wrote to take a break from the big project.

“Whose he? You’re date?”

                      ^

                    Your

 

Other than the double posted story and chapter number, it reads out fine and I do like how things are progressing with Melinda and Kai's meeting with Rouge, even including a Shadow cameo. 

The Shadow bit was a last minute thing that was solely Rule of Funny

Got to it and I enjoyed it. I eagerly wait for what melinda has for Rouge and what will be the terms she'll accept.

Things should pick-up, I'm likely going to have her rough up security so Rouge can complain about it later when she talks to one of the other main cast.

I also decided I better start actually using Kai so he's more than a background character.

When I get the chance tommorow, I'll look it up.

Noted.

Was she fearing that in order to save her son, she had to do that quickening thing?

Close, very close.

It was essentially muddled with her fears of letting herself become a monster just Frost, and the idea of absorbing part of him via taking his head is part of that fear. 

Fearing of losing her son despite not being technically related by blood to him?

Damn, not only was I to subtle but the intentional misdirection worked.

I guess I'll try to do something to nudge it in.

The chapter? What symbolism if you don't mind correcting me?

In the Nightmare.

I think I actually like that small jumpscare more. I think adding another one at this chapter's scale would be repetitive and the impact of those scenes would lessen.

My worry at this point is that I was to subtle with the symbolism in this one.

Yea, so how many of these psyche torture episodes we'll have in this story as I do like it.

I'm thinking one more building off this that makes the symbolism more blatant and then a small one just before the climax, like "she passes out in a chair and there's a small jumpscare" small and then the event leading into the final scene is what wakes her up. More than likely a ringing phone. 

The last two chapters are already written, so it's just working my way up them in proper fashion now and keep the same balance as I did here because I like the way the final scene was basically an innocent counterpart to the nightmare and a reassurance to her.  

Hmm, I liked the point of the chapter being to reaffirm her love and fear for Tales and others well being. Nice work, shinobi.

I basically wanted to start probing characterization like fears deeper and I decided the free-for-all when it came to usage of symbolism that a Nightmare scene afforded would help with that.

I also wanted to keep the opening ambiguous at first for the drama, kind of make the reader mentally curse me and go "you wouldn't dare?" right up until the end with reality starts to break down and it becomes clear that it's not real.

Also, talk about mood-whiplash between the opening and ending.

I’m sure he’s at peace now and thankful you we’re there,”

                                                                         ^

                                                                       were

 

Other than that, a blue lightsaber for the scottish immortal fox girl, a rather funny mixture of fictional verses meshing together. Anyways, nice in explaining a bit more on her and showing her motherly side a bit, I can't wait to see what's next for your story.

I wanted to have a plot excuse to make her useful against Eggman's robots, since as it stands she's just a particularly skilled fighter with no weapons or equipment that could actually fight back against them.

It'll likely be a brick joke where she get's later on as this story wraps up.