Ron Jeremy

Earlier today, I was playing TF2 on a random 2fort pub. I went down to the Intel, took splash damage after a rocket I fired at an engine far from me detonated right in my face, and I get killed by a Pyro with no visible player model.

After that I get autobalanced to RED and one of the spawn room static props was messed up. So I just exited TF2 and went to the blog to see that they added 3 additional hats that look ugly as hell no matter what you pair it with, and no bug fixes whatsoever. Valve doesn't know what they're doing anymore, nor do they give a shit. All they care about is money, and they're gonna keep raking it in until the software becomes (more) outdated.

Sure does seem that way these days, doesn't it? Valve used to be that awesome company that gave a shit about their customers and fanbase. Now, they're just hell-bent on sucking as much money as they can through TF2 as its carcass rots. I kinda get the impression them releasing that fan-made update a while back was just them testing the waters to see if they can eventually have the community create content for Valve to sell to the community, while they themselves only add the occasional fix for a harmless bug and a localization update for a language only three or four of the players speak. I mean, you can't call out Valve on their bullshit because most of the internet sees them as some kind of messiah, above their competitors' ethics.

Unrelated note: When playing Ys II earlier, I noticed a monster with an amusing name.

More hats nobody asked for. Nice.

It kinda baffles me though, that they're just now advertising on TV and stuff. I mean, the game is running on creaky, decrepit code that grows more unstable with each addition. The time to advertise the game was when it was in its prime. 6 years ago. It just seems like a baffling business move. Team Fortress 2 gets an excessive amount of exposure throughout the internet, from threads like this one, and general buzz from the player base. It's not an obscure game. Seems to me that money could have been spent on fixing the game's massive array of balance issues and glitches than advertising that which does not need it.

Unrelated: Anybody want any Steam Trading Card beta invites? Got a few laying around and I wouldn't expect anything in return for them. But I'll only give one to you if you actually need it, because taking something somebody gave you to use and selling it would be an asshat thing to do.

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Beat Mega Man 6 and Mega Man 7 a couple days ago. Mega Man 6... has its problems, but it's still a great game. Way too easy. Once you get the jet adapter, the platforming is nothing. Other than that, it's a fun game. Would definitely recommend.

Mega Man 7's good. The jet adapter gets a much-needed nerf (By limiting the lift to be a jump boost instead of full-on flight), and combined with the power adapter for convenience. Nifty easter eggs here and there, but the final boss is a pain. If you've played it, you know how difficult avoiding that 4-orb attack while still hitting him is.

Looking good so far. But you need a backstory involving death, a relationship with one of the mane 6, and creepily-detailed conversations between your character and the mane 6 character it's in a relationship with.

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Since Zoop has a new avatar, a new piece of art inspired by it is in order!

I present my latest Magnum Opus...

Zoop 2.0

Continuing my critically-acclaimed Power Tool Ponies series, I present to you the latest incarnation of Zoop, as a Woodchippercorn. Look at excellent details, from the majesty of the mighty wood chips flying forth from the mouth of this glorious piece, to the subtle touches like the wheel that supports his wood-chipping posterior. I put great detail into his facial expression. You could say he's looking rather chipper, yes, quite.

As always, input is appreciated as long as you're telling me I'm a master of the visual arts.

I can personally say that Capsized is good. Side scrolling keyboard-mouse/controller (Pretty sure there was controller support, can't remember, it's been a while) platforming shooter. Kinda Half-Life-ish, kinda Metroid-ish. The visuals are interesting to look at, and very alien, which is a good thing considering it's an alien planet and all. Under default controls, the mouse aims and fires, WASD moves and number keys cycle through weapons. You've got a jetpack, and a grappling hook, which add quite a bit of variety to the gameplay. I'd recommend it.

I'd buy the bundle if I had a means to. Ironically, I've got quite a bit of money in my Steam wallet, but no means of buying anything online other than on Steam.   Oh well, I've got a lot of unplayed games anyway, no biggie.

Just beat Mega Man 5 in a single sitting, continuing my playthrough of the series.

It's really good. I'd say it's a bit easier than the previous games in the series. Beat makes the final boss easy as pie. Game's still a good challenge though. Graphics are excellent as well, I'd say it's one of the best-looking games on the NES.

Needless to say, I'd recommend it. Next up: Mega Man 6!

Just beat Mega Man 4. I decided recently that I should play through all the main series Mega Man games, since I can and I'd only ever beaten 1 and 2 before I started my quest of epic proportions.

As you'd expect from a Mega Man game, it's really good. Didn't really have any parts that made me want to rip my hair out, though the fact that the final Wily fight was easier than the 2-form Wily fight a stage before it was kinda odd.

Every single classic Mega Man game I play makes me hate current-day Capcom even more.

@@Suzaku Somehow, whenever you brought up "Entire collection of unusual TCs", the first thing that came to my mind was "Mattie!?"

 

@ I'll offer a pink-painted Magnificent Mongolian and a pink-painted Pyromancer's Mask for your Schadenfreude.

Sure. I'll take that. Don't play much anymore, but those could be amusing for the times I do hop on a server for the lulz. Can trade whenever. I'll shoot you a friend request.

EDIT: Trade be done.

@, out of curiosity, what's the strange? Depending on what it is, I might want it.

Unrelated: It's funny, when I think of it. All the time I've idled on all my accounts, and not a single salvaged. And some people get them before they even know what they are. I mean, why can't one ever drop for me?

Yeah. Not to sound like a jerk, but you can't just say something like that without proof. That's just too hard to believe. Link to his backpack?

So, anypony else in the trading card beta? Had any luck with cards?

^So would I. Burning Team Captains are worth a lot. Silly people, assigning insane monetary values to items that aren't even real.

I got a Taunt: The Schadenfreude as a drop on one of my alts recently. I personally have no use for it, but it's worth too much to just hand out like I usually do with stuff like that. I'd be willing to trade it for a couple refined to add to my collection-of-refined-for-stuff pile.

*Bump May 2013*

More comics! Finally!

A 2-parter based on fandom drama, because I wanted to.

@, I have one, though I won't ask anything for it. Shoot me up a friend request on Steam.

Doubt it's worth much, so I don't really see any reason to keep it. So you can just have it.

You know what the really fun griefing was? Going Puff 'n Sting pyro when everybody was trying to kill Merasmus, and killing everybody on the other team when they were focusing on him. Even better was actually letting them kill him and get to the island right before they get their hat to kill them. That's how I got this gem of a screenshot.

Pfft. Robotic Boogaloo. I'd rather have Robotic Scootaloo. Typical Valve these days, hype up an update that's only reskins of current hats, and crap like an item that gives everybody on the server a crate drop, which everybody totally asked for. No new maps, or fixes for bugs that have desperately needed fixed for years. Yes, the update's free. Know what else is free? Shit. Being free is no excuse for a hyped-up update to be the opposite of what the game needs if it wants to be taken seriously again. And yes, I know the irony of the one who created the TF2 thread talking shit about the game.

Anybody else in the Steam trading card beta thing? I've got tf2 metal and hats and stranges and stuff I'd be willing to trade for cards (any game) if anybody's interested.

This is a short story thing I wrote in a single sitting, as a joke about how people are taking Equestria Girls so seriously. I got the inspiration to write this from all the silly drama on the internet about Equestria Girls and Twilight Sparkle getting wings, and people making crazy predictions because of these things.

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Civilization has fallen. Rubble is scattered where great buildings once stood. The people struggle to survive in the harsh wasteland that is the ruin of society. Years ago, a great tragedy occurred. Many a person predicted this tragedy, but they were decried as fools. However, time has made them wise, and those who were once seen as logical are now fools, for those who predicted the tragedy are now the only ones alive today.

They said Equestria Girls wouldn’t be the end of the world. They said Twilight Sparkle becoming an alicorn wouldn’t be the end of the world. Their bones are a monument to their inability to see the incoming disaster.

Rob remembered the world before the apocalypse. A single tear rolled down his cheek. “If only they had listened to us.” Rob had dedicated his life to finding all traces of Alicorn Twilight and Equestria Girls, so they could do no harm to the civilization that rises to replace the old. He didn’t know how many other survivors there were. Dozens? Hundreds? Thousands? It mattered not to him, for his goal would remain the same regardless of how many others walk this earth.

As Rob walked through the rubble, he tripped. A scuff on his knee, nothing major. The rip to his pants was far worse. Flesh heals. Pants do not. He looked at what he tripped over. A Wal*Mart sign.  he then grabbed a nearby piece of metal and dug through the ruins. He discovered a cache of My Little Pony toys. Jackpot.

He glanced over them, when two of them caught his eye. An alicorn Twilight figure, and an Equestria Girls Twilight figure. He knew what he had to do. He had to burn them to prevent them from rising and taking any more lives. He reached in his pocket and produced a lighter. Just enough butane to dispose of it. He set the corner of the packages ablaze. The figures’ eyes started to glow red. He was too late. He started to run.

The slicorn Twilight figure twisted and deformed, both from the heat, and the souls of the damned that power its hate for all that is good. It continued to twist, as the sickening sounds of flesh and bone being generated from the concentrated hatred of all who are evil filled the air. Soon, the figure was a massive twisted form that resembled a purple horse, with a horn and wings. Holes in its skin revealed gnarled, twisted flesh and bone. A mark depicting a man being decapitated appeared on its grotesquery of a flank. It let loose a cry not unlike a horse, accompanied by the crying of a thousand dying children.

The Equestria Girls Twilight figure rose up from the rubble, and it began to transform into a twisted form that resembled a human teenage female with purple skin, though the deformed masses with teeth jutting out of them that sprouted throughout its body, as well as the horns and wings guaranteed that no sane man would ever mistake it for anything of this world, human or otherwise. A mark depicting a rotting corpse appeared on its grotesque cheek. It sat upon its hideous mount and charged towards Rob.

Rob’s mind raced. He knew he couldn’t run from these hellspawn. He knew he had to find a weapon. But what? Sweat dripped down his face as he glanced back and forth looking for a means to defend himself. Then, he saw the thing that would save him. There was one weapon that could destroy the hellbeasts easily, but he thought they had all been destroyed. A pre-alicorn Twilight Sparkle figure.

 Smug from his discovery, he turned to face the beast, which was drawing close. The stench of fetid water and decomposing fish was overpowering. Rob tore open the container which held his precious artifact of an age that would be forgotten.  He thrust it into the air towards the direction of the hellbeast. The creatures, which had now merged into a single fiend, started smoking. A rancid stench filled the air. A beam of light shot from the figure and hit the hellish monstrosity. It let loose an unearthly sound that could be interpreted as a scream, then liquefied. It was dead.

Rob knew that there were many more of these fiends lying dormant. Stronger ones. Ones that a single holy artifact could not slay. He realized his efforts were futile, for however many survivors remained, the number of these hellbeasts was certainly far greater. No hope. He wandered for hours, with no purpose. He saw no point in living anymore, yet he saw suicide as cowardly, and would rather suffer for eternity than die feeding the rage and hatred of the monstrosities that lie dormant. Suddenly, he noticed something. A purple haze surrounded the horn of his artifact.’

As he moved forward, the haze grew into a brilliant light, and that brilliant light started pulsing. Instinct told him to dig, and so he did. What he found restored his hope. With this, he knew there was a chance. A chance to end the reign of terror the demons had brought upon the crumbling earth once and for all.

In a pile clutched in the arms of a skeleton was a collection of figures. Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. He kneeled before the figures, and placed his Twilight Sparkle figure among them. The earth began to shake. A rainbow descended from the sky and bathed the figures in a colorful light. A shockwave sent Rob flying backwards, and a bright flash nearly blinded him. When he reoriented himself, he saw that the figures were no more. Instead lie a sword, capable of felling even the most terrible of demons. He grabbed the sword, and triumphantly thrust it into the sky. A bolt of lightning from the heavens slammed the blade, and arcs of light shot from it. All over the world, pillars of light rose from the ground, destroying demons before they could even awaken from their accursed slumber.

Somewhere in the world was a shelter where many survivors had taken refuge. An old man gazed in wonder as the glorious light flooded the sky and killed the demons. Soon, the survivors rushed from their shelter and were awestruck by the power of pre-alicorn Twilight Sparkle. Then they noticed the lone figure of Rob, holding high the sword that could slay all evil. As a group, the survivors made their way toward Rob, and reached him just as the sword’s power started to wane.

The old man waited to catch his breath, then he spoke. “Oh grandest of heroes, you have slain the demons that have destroyed civilization. Thanks to your heroism, we can begin anew!” Rob, panting from the effort it took to summon the power of the heavens, sat down. “Yes. We can form a new civilization! Create a future where everybody knows the dangers of Equestria Girls, of alicorn Twilight. A world without evil, without strife. But I must remain ever-vigilant, for I have a purpose now. A task appointed to me by the gods of harmony. There could still be hellish demons out there in the wasteland, too powerful to be vanquished for the light. I shall journey as long as I can, until the day I die. I must vanquish these fiends face to face, and recover the fragments of the Mane 6, the six elemental crystals of harmony. Fear not, for your divine protector will always be out there, protecting the survivors of mankind until all the demons are slain.”

Rob wandered off into the sunset, Sword of Harmony in hand, as the survivors began clearing the rubble, salvaging any materials they could use to rebuild.

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I thought having Equestria Girls and alicorn Twilight literally bring an apocalypse was an amusing concept. I used apocalypse cliches and fantasy cliches to emphasize the silliness of making such a big deal about a spinoff of a children's cartoon. Why's the main character named Rob? No reason, really. It's the first name that came to my head. Please keep in mind that this isn't an attack against anybody's opinions or anything. It's all in good fun, really.

If this is well-received, perhaps I will make a continuation of in the future, incorporating whatever fandom drama is present at the time as the villain.

(Note to moderators: I put this in non-pony artwork because that seemed like the most logical place to me. While it does involve ponies, it's not really a fanfic, and it's not based in the pony universe. If my judgement was wrong, well, oops I guess.)

Speaking of the Grordbort weapons, I don't like any of them except the Pomson 6000. The Cow Mangler is helpful when there's a Pyro who is really good at deflecting rockets, but other than that, it doesn't do as much damage and takes too long to reload. Also why would anyone use the Phlogistonator when it can't airblast and does less damage?

Because noobs don't airblast anyway, so to them there's no downside for using it.

IMO all the Grordbort weapons are weird and gimmicky. I mean, look at that Engineer thing that can deplete ubers. wtf.

I don't play anymore, but I still idle. My accounts have picked up a few robocrates and I've sold them. Might hang onto one and use the money I've gotten from selling the others to buy whatever specialty key it'll take to open it in the off chance I get something that I can later sell for greater than I spent.

My guess as to what they'll have: MvM-specific strange parts, strange Grordbort weapons, misc. crap.

Heh, the OP of the TF2 thread doesn't even play TF2 anymore.

I love meat, but I hate burritos.

 

Explain

That's why the meatetarian diet has many food groups, many more than what I listed. If you hate burritos, get your daily Ham intake instead!

Are you implying that I'm fat?

No, but as a Meatetarian I believe a person needs to eat foods in at least two of the following food groups each day: Lard, bacon, BBQ, burrito, chicken.

That sounds fine and dandy, but how will you fulfill your daily lard intake requirement as a Fireaxetarian?

omogosh im a vegitereaan and im zo insalted bi thiz

get a lif luzer

 

(Also get your facts straight. PETA members are mostly vegan. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.)

Thanks for correcting me. I know there's a difference but I accidentally typed "Vegetarian" instead of "Vegan".

So, I'm sure some of you may have been given grief for joining the Meatetarianism Movement, and with that, I announce the first weekly Meatetarian Support Group. Don't worry, there will be corn dogs, steaks and whole shanks of ham for your enjoyment.