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Blue Thorn


Loud Opinion
  • Yes Not Cast Young Adult

    His white gray mane is nothing of note in particular. A causally standard mane style hardly draws the ey. Even his own emerald-green eyes would be hard pressed to prioritize his mane over anything else of interest. Particularly, his royal blue coat; adorned with several scars that tell exaggerated tales of a stubborn stallion, too proud to take the common bandage or even some professional aid. His focused gaze compliments his obedient posture to convey uncompromising intent whenever his casual smile is absent. Many would assume this stallion to be a guard, or even a member of the Equestrian Legion had he been born a few centuries earlier. His unnaturally spade-tipped tail lazily drapes it's weight over his back emanating an air of subtle mischief and instilling unearned suspicion.

    Male Earth Pony A snake wrapping itself around an arrow. (some connection to alchemy.) It describes as a very nebulous demand and talent for bridging the gap between distant ponies and the bolder individuals among us. As an archer strikes from afar, the serpent leaps into the air to catch his arrow. The archers target gets closer, bearing olive branches and gold. https://buffy.mlpforums.com/monthly_2018_01/screenshot_20180119_193550.jpg.b6e1177baa579e0ed234a99d8e88b97e.jpg

    As a passionate stallion yet to find his calling, Blue Thorn is eager to be a part of something greater than himself "the bigger the stakes the greater the appeal". He is reluctant to accept a return from any cause he invests himself in and often holds others as well as himself to near olympian standards. He can also lose perspective when he invests himself in a particular cause, though he has yet to experience it. On a more personal level, you can expect him to be clinical as he carefully calculates the effects he has on the situation, and if he detects that he is being expected to fulfill a particular role, he will play the part. Whenever things are mundane and their is no role to fill in particular, he'll usually distance himself from the situation, letting his impatience show.

    Likes: Flowery aesthetics, ill-timed truths (late ones in particular), hollow gestures, and being directionless are all things to be minimized for maximum convenience.

    Blue Thorn was born to a family of gardeners, and spent most of his early years working the landscape and getting a very basic education. His family was small and the fields were vast, so Blue Thorn often found himself getting lost in thought. Without many ponies to disagree with his views, Blue Thorn began to disagree with himself, refining his thoughts on the few current evens and historical accounts he caught wind of from glancing at newspaper headlines and his daily history lessons. The work was grueling, soul rending sometimes, and failed to catch any of his interests, but It furthered the family business, so he would still find himself looking back at his work with a proud smile, even when it wasn't perfect. Every branch trimmed, every spade in the ground, they all mean so much to him looking back.

     

    Staying a blank flank for most of his younger years proved troubling as the simple gardening, though rewarding, began to feel more and more like a distraction. He didn't know what else he could be doing though. With nothing particularly outstanding about him aside from an abnormally flexible tail, longer than it had any right to be, or any strong calling their was little that could be done.

     

    One day though, when he was old enough to take contract work, he took a graveyard job. This job was particularly taxing for an unknowable reason as the land itself seemed fairly simple though the lack of benches would mean the job couldn't be done incrementally unless he wanted to go agents his nature and ask for an unnecessary rest from his employer. Some time into it, he rested his head on a tombstone to look back on how much work he had already done and felt fatigue claim his mind as he drifted to sleep.

     

    Again, his recurring nightmare returned to haunt him. He was being chased by a swarm of flies and he would run until the flies caught up and wake him up with a start. This time was different though, in his path was a giant spider web. He risked a worse fate than the files, and leaped into the web, passing through it, as if his eyes were just playing a trick on him. Looking back, he saw the swarm stopped by natures net and a spider crawled down to see the disturbance to it's home. Blue Thorn was convinced that it had looked him in the eyes as he awoke to the flash of his new cutie mark. accompanying his new mark, his tail shed all of it's hair off to revel the long spade tipped limb he has today.

     

    To this day, he doesn't truly understand the dream, however, he did understand that it gave him his mark, but no talent to accompany it. One day he will understand it, but today, their is work to be done.

    Thorn's dream has deeper meaning. The flies chasing him represent suffering in general, (sometimes resebling entire sandstorms,) for Blue Thorn, they are a nebulous feeling that his destiny has not been fulfilled. He is unable to understand the meaning behind the feeling and flees from it's discomforting embrace. The spider represents a pony that has adapted to the existence of sufferings and, while doing his best to get rid of them when he can, has resigned to deal with them on his terms. Hence the web. The web is not perfect though, ponies are also caught alongside sufferings and feel quite vulnerable to be so complacently at someone else's mercy. Blue Thorn passes through this web, indicating that he can interact with these barriers without either parties having to compromise themselves. He realized this in his dream, but the morning stole it like it does with most dreams. Without the flash of his destiny to tell him were he is special, help must find this stallion, or he will be forever denied the life of higher meaning he needs.

     

    "What are we without our responsibilities? Who am I to leave when the reasons to stay are obvious?" -Blue Thorn.

https://buffy.mlpforums.com/monthly_2018_05/5b004f032de5e_Jakesdrawingprojectwithscars.png.e6734b6ada4ec69d8eebc570775f83ac.png
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Hiya, Loud!

Allow me to take a gander here at what you've got, and let's see what we can do to get Blue ready for the EqE.  Let's see here...

First off, I have to admit that I LOVE how verbose your write-up is!  I appreciate an extended vocabulary, and it pleases me to no end to see mulitsyllabic expressions such as these.  Kudos!

First, let's take care of the typos:

 -standard mane style hardly draws-

-adorned with several scars that tell exaggerated tales of a-

-member of the Equestrian Legion had he-

-His unnaturally spade-tipped tail-  (deleted excess wording)

-A snake wrapping itself around-

-He is reluctant to accept-

-lost in thought. Without many-

-time was different though, in-

As far as I can tell, those are the only typos I can find.

Now, onto actual content:

First off, I love your descriptive narrative on his looks - getting a personal touch for a character is important.  I see very little that can be improved upon here, so onto the next section!

The cutie Mark is... well, I DO like the idea here, but it's somewhat muddled.  You've mentioned that HE doesn't know what his CM is for... but YOU should know, and that knowledge should go into his background.  You can allude to the fact he doesn't know what it stands for, but there's nothing wrong with adding some clarification to it for PLAYERS to take in, since they'll be the ones potentially RPing with him.

I like how you've described him; he occurs to me as a workaholic by nature, wanting to get a job done and fill his role in it.  Determination and responsibility are good traits to have, and it speaks volumes of Blue's personal character.

Ruthless Honesty?  That can be a fun trait to have... but I noticed that you say, and I quote, 'he loves the back and forward, so expect some in return, but for the purposes of civil RP'ing, this trait can be entirely ignored by default'.  THAT is a no-no.  A character is supposed to be who they ARE... traits shouldn't be pushed aside to have a story; those elements should be a PART of Blue's story, and should be roleplayed to the hilt.  Remember, some folks LIKE debate and arguments when it comes to roleplay, so to offer to pull those elements back would be disloyal to Blue's personality.  I say you play it to the hilt, and remover the spoiler-offer... conflict can be more appealing that mundane agreement.

...are all things to be minimized for maximum convince.  <=== Um... I don't understand what you mean here; can you clarify?  Maybe I can help you locate a better way to express this.

The whole story with him taking the graveyard job... it's... kinda muddled and doesn't seem to have much actual impact on any reasoning behind his Cutie Mark.  Keep in mind that it's okay to describe to PLAYERS what it means, even if the character doesn't comprehend it; this is one of those things I think needs to have some OOC clarification.  The dream sequence describes no reason for his CM, and it feels like something that sounds more like a cover story for not having a purpose than a description of a character's CM history.  I'm more than happy to offer my services to help you figure out a different way to put it, or to find a means to explain to players in a manner that keeps character knowledge separate from player knowledge.

Overall, I like the direction you're headed in with Blue - and I dig that tail, yo - and I think we could refine him a bit better before we put him into Second Approval.

Respond here, and we can get started!

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@Randimaxis,

First of all, I would like to say this is really fantastic feedback. looking back, I have to say I completely agree with the CM and backstory. This information on my character really should have a concrete explanation. I wouldn't want to give the wrong impression and have them bark up the wrong tree.

 

However, I'm not sure that the trait about him back talking would be very practical. If you look at the rules most of the hosts tend to give for RP's usually don't allow for characters to have retaliation. I'm imagining posts that are influenced by this, and I'm not sure if my OC will be long for this sight if played completely honestly. It would get too personal for most hosts to allow (even though the character is supposed to be separate from the person.) So I'm seriously considering getting rid of it entirely, even as an opt-in trait.

 

Aside from that, I made corrections for the typos and some additions to explain the CM and how the dream relates to it. I don't know if it's too dyer for EE (my initial motivation to keep it vague). I can canonize a more literal interpretation that also gives some explanation for the unique tail if that's the case.

 

(changes are in: Dislikes, other, and CM)

 

BTW: I was considering getting an artist to make a new image for my OC. There are some free ones here that I have my eye on. Do you think it would help?

 

Loud.

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-snake wrapping itself-  ... almost...

 

Retaliation is ONE thing... but characters can be troublesome, irritating or simply obnoxious - just look at Blueblood.

Seriously, though... PLAYERS can cooperate, even if the CHARACTER does not.  Adversity is something that other OCs can play off of, and snarky personae actually make up more of the MLP cast than most folks realize, from RD's braggart mouth to Rarity's backhooved compliments, or Twilight Sparkle's exasperation or Applejack's stubbornness or Pinkie Pie's paranoia and even Fluttershy's fears...

Flaws are there to give a character something to prove they aren't perfect; they can help define something that LOOKS flawless as something deeper than what others see on the outside, and to hold that back for a character means you're effectively cheating that character out of what might be quality roleplay with another OC who disagrees... or more to the point, you're missing the chance for some engaging roleplay.  Folks here can keep CHARACTER and PLAYER separate enough to where having a quirk like that won't get him in trouble... in fact, he might get fans, or even frenemies!

 

You're free to further define things like his tail... but that's something that can be relayed through roleplay.

Many folks don't care for simply a list of every single trait... they'd rather see it come to life.  An application for the EqE is sorta like an advertisement; offer up an interesting roleplay potential, and see who bites the hook.  However, explain TOO much, and it's like overbaiting the hook - folks don't wanna get bogged down in the whole life history of a character, they would rather discover more about them in play.

Storywise, you've defined his CM rather well... as for his tail, you're free to define it more, OR you have the option of having that explanation READY... but letting others ask first, in character, about it; that way, explaining it feels more organic than just adding it to his sheet here.  And it's not too dire, at least in MY opinion, because it tells a story of a pone who is full of determination and has nothing more on their brain than to be a part of something greater than the sum of himself.

 

Artwork ALWAYS makes a character more appealing; if you'd like to get a character drawing done, you'd be more than welcome to have it added to your sheet here, and then it would be a part of Blue for good!  So yeah, I would very much consider having art done for Blue - the stalwart fellow's got to show the world his good side, am I right?

 

I'll allow time for you to get your art done before we go any further with getting approval; in the meantime, feel free to ask anything else you might want clarification on!

 

 

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@Randimaxis,

I understand that flaws make the character who they are. My contention with confrontation of this particular nature was that the rules of the sight heavily stress a "when in doubt, don't" mentality, but if your confident as a moderator that I am overreacting, then I see no reason to disagree.:kindness:

 

Now, on a technical note, you speak as though you can't see an art. I have an image for both the CM, and the OC itself, but I can only see a URL link of the picture. I have to click the link (witch takes me to a new tab) to see the picture. Is this an error of the sight or can you see the pictures and the problem is just on my end? I remember being able to see the art for the OC just by looking at the page (provided their is some to see.) I want to know before I get some more professional art done so I know it can be added without any glitches like the current one.

 

-Loud

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To be certain, there's a link to the artwork, and I can see it well enough.  If you find a way to get a better piece of art for Blue, then we should include it BEFORE he goes into Second Approval - otherwise, he'll have to be RE-evaluated if you want to add art later.  Not that he won't pass, mind you - more like I'm trying to get everything juuuuuuust right before he's approved.

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@Randimaxis,

It's been some time, but I finally have a respectable visual representation for my OC and he is now ready for final evaluation. While you're here, do you know if there is any way I can get the images to show up as soon as I open the page? So when a GM looks at my OC's page he can see what it looks like right away without having to click anything.

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Unfortunately, the images problem is on OUR end... and our tech staff is so overworked right now, it sorta falls down to 'fix when we have time'; perhaps once it's fixed, I'll go back and do the work to add the pic in, myself.  But for now, we'll just have to work it out as we can.  My sincerest apologies.

By the way, I reworked your picture a little bit - if you like, you can use this.  I was simply influenced, and decided to do it... simply because I could.  I hope it's well-received.

BlueThornPic.thumb.jpg.35a2f6659eea4a33bad43d16acf4e634.jpg

Otherwise, do you feel like this OC is ready to go?

 

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@Randimaxis,

I completely understand the logistical troubles with customer support of this nature, so don't sweat it (I'm majoring in Computer Information Systems so maybe I can elevate the burden in the future).

As for if I think my OC is ready: Yes, it very much is. I forgot to add the scars... oops. Okay, now it's ready Wait, the artist that I originally wanted a drawing from just got back to me, I'll wait until next Monday to update you.

BTW: Nice picture. The white background seems to work better with the layout of the page giving it a more generalized feel, but I'm sure I can find some use for it...*cough* signature *cough*

Edited by Loud Opinion
clarification
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Hello, @Loud Opinion I do apologise for making you wait, I've been a little slack.

Nevertheless, I'm here to help in getting your OC through to approved.

I had a look through your whole entry and it's pretty good I can't really see anything that would stop me from approving this character, but maybe hold off on so many commas in future :P But otherwise Blue Thorn is a rather interesting stallion and I like how he is still trying to discover his purpose in life despite having a cutiemark, quite a unique idea from the characters I've read. 

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