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Moonlit Ace

Shadowking58

By Shadowking58

    • , No, Not Cast Stallion

    Dark grey coat. Brown Eyes, green and white Mane & Tail. Always can be seen wearing a hat similar to Applejack's, only when he is playing poker he is seen tilting the hat over his head.

    male Pegasus Poker Chips and Playing Cards https://buffy.mlpforums.com/f86aebba21b08b2a86887449213157c4.png

    Moonlit Ace is a Pegasus pony who loves to roam the night. To him, there's nothing really better then a stroll in the sky in the wee hours of the night.

    He loves the mystery, the glow of the moon befitting of a princess as it shines down on Ponyville. He's no stranger to having fun, but don't tick him off, if you touch on more personal subjects that relate to him when he's around, you'll find yourself quickly at the end of one of his hooves.

    Other then that, he's a pretty open Stallion, but he secretly hopes deep down for a marefriend. But hey, there's no rush.

    Likes: Cheaters, Bright lights, The Sun, Headaches, migraines

    His parents were made up of one unicorn and one Pegasi. Who went by the names Soul Star (Mother) and Soprano (father)

    His father was the one who taught him how to fly, as a result, his mother felt left out a little bit because there was nothing special that she could teach him, seeing as she was a unicorn and he was a Pegasi.

    He knew it, everyday he looked into his mothers eyes and he could see that she yearned for a way to bond with him, and she could tell he felt the same way, they were related, after all.

    One day he came downstairs in the middle of the night, he had found his mother awake multiple times at this time of night, but the draw of the nighttime and Princess Luna always drew him from his Slumber. But this time, he's mother was gambling, and he had watched her as she and his father had been playing the night away, admittedly, his mother knew that his father wasn't very good at gambling, or Poker for that matter, she had yearned for someone who she could get competitive against.

    "Hey, Dad." Moonlit Spoke up. "Why don't you let mother teach me?" There was this stigma in his family, that they didn't really need to come 'of age' for something as simple as a little poker game. His mothers eyes' brightened

    "O-oh! of course, and I can teach him!" His mother was obviously happy that this was a chance for the two to bond in a way that neither of them ever tried before.

    His mother taught him the rules of the game, how to play, the rules, and other important details.

    "Okay, mother. Since this is a first real game, how about a wager?" Moonlit put his hoof on the table while his father watched intently. "Somewhere around that 10 bit mark. ." He offered, a smug grin on his face. "I can do this." He thought to himself. "Alright." His mother agreed. "We'll make up the wager as the game goes on. Are you sure your up for this?" She asked. "Of course I am, I ain't no little foal no more!"

    His mother laughed. "Right right, well lets get this show on the road." Now, she was intending on going easy on her son, but it seemed that she didn't need to at all. Seeing as he won the game in the first 10 minutes, as she sat there dumbfounded. "Y-you... y-you won already?" She asked. "Moonlit, I can't believe I'm saying this, but... You're like a natural." She said, her eyes beaming. That's when a gambling cutie mark appeared on Moonlit's flank. She thought him everything she knew, knowing this would be a perfect bonding experience that she and he had both yearned for, and Moonlit knew that just as well. All the late nights he spent awake with his mother had made him realize that he also really loved the night and the walks outside at night, a love only beaten by seeing Princess Luna in his dreams.

     

    Fast forward plenty of years and it seems his skills are as sharp as they were back then, but this time, when he gambles, he plays with all he's got, and... He takes some time to roam the night too. The hematite stone he wears around his neck reminds him of his passed mother, who gave it to him on one of their night walks.

    He wants to always remember her.

     

    Now, he's gotten busted before, The games have moved from loud and proud to underground and shady. Otherwise, he'll sometimes get together with his friends, where the matches will take place in his house. But, he doesn't play as often as he used to before he got busted.

    Favorite Holiday: Nightmare Night

    He's Particularly fond of music, his favorite song is a song by Glaze, titled "Nightmare Night" named after the holiday. He knows all the lyrics to that one song.

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Troblems

Hi there @[member=Shadowking58]
It looks like you have a really good foundation for this character, however the information you have on this character is extremely limited. All characters submitted to Equestrian Empire must have at least three descriptive paragraphs to make sure the character fits within the canon of MLP:FIM. You can find the rules for the section here.

 

One of the big things that you could improve upon is how he learned to play poker. Was it from books, or did someone teach him? Perhaps his mother taught him, since they didn't have a close relationship. Also, where were his parents when he saw them playing? Was it just the two of them, or were they at a party, and lots of ponies were play? Did he get cheated at some point that made him learn a huge lesson on how to play poker? Where is he from? 

 

You should tie together his like of the night and poker. The two seem like two completely independent parts of him. If you were able to intertwine the two, it would create a character that has a good flow.

 

The personality section doesn't give a lot of insight into who he is. He likes horror, but that would fit better into his likes, not who he is. Is he high strung? Easy going? Quick to anger? You hint at a few things regarding his personality, but expand on that more.

 

Headaches can be annoying, but there should be things that relate to his specific likes. If he gambles, he could dislike cheaters. Maybe daytime is the bane of his existance.

 

Basically, we want to see more of this character.

 

Finally, while I appreciate the Fresh Prince reference, it doesn't fit here. The Fresh Prince doesn't exist in Equestria.

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Shadowking58

Hi there @[member=Shadowking58]

It looks like you have a really good foundation for this character, however the information you have on this character is extremely limited. All characters submitted to Equestrian Empire must have at least three descriptive paragraphs to make sure the character fits within the canon of MLP:FIM. You can find the rules for the section here.

 

One of the big things that you could improve upon is how he learned to play poker. Was it from books, or did someone teach him? Perhaps his mother taught him, since they didn't have a close relationship. Also, where were his parents when he saw them playing? Was it just the two of them, or were they at a party, and lots of ponies were play? Did he get cheated at some point that made him learn a huge lesson on how to play poker? Where is he from? 

 

You should tie together his like of the night and poker. The two seem like two completely independent parts of him. If you were able to intertwine the two, it would create a character that has a good flow.

 

The personality section doesn't give a lot of insight into who he is. He likes horror, but that would fit better into his likes, not who he is. Is he high strung? Easy going? Quick to anger? You hint at a few things regarding his personality, but expand on that more.

 

Headaches can be annoying, but there should be things that relate to his specific likes. If he gambles, he could dislike cheaters. Maybe daytime is the bane of his existance.

 

Basically, we want to see more of this character.

 

Finally, while I appreciate the Fresh Prince reference, it doesn't fit here. The Fresh Prince doesn't exist in Equestria.

Right, I'll get on those things right away.

Also, I wanted to make people laugh with the reference, I'm sorry.

Do I gotta remove that and change it?

Oh, and 3 paragraphs? That's 15 sentences, right?

Ain't nobody got time fo' that!

Okay, in all honesty, if it's what I gotta do, then I suppose I don't have a choice, doesn't make it any less irriating though.

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Shadowking58

Hi there @[member=Shadowking58]

It looks like you have a really good foundation for this character, however the information you have on this character is extremely limited. All characters submitted to Equestrian Empire must have at least three descriptive paragraphs to make sure the character fits within the canon of MLP:FIM. You can find the rules for the section here.

 

One of the big things that you could improve upon is how he learned to play poker. Was it from books, or did someone teach him? Perhaps his mother taught him, since they didn't have a close relationship. Also, where were his parents when he saw them playing? Was it just the two of them, or were they at a party, and lots of ponies were play? Did he get cheated at some point that made him learn a huge lesson on how to play poker? Where is he from? 

 

You should tie together his like of the night and poker. The two seem like two completely independent parts of him. If you were able to intertwine the two, it would create a character that has a good flow.

 

The personality section doesn't give a lot of insight into who he is. He likes horror, but that would fit better into his likes, not who he is. Is he high strung? Easy going? Quick to anger? You hint at a few things regarding his personality, but expand on that more.

 

Headaches can be annoying, but there should be things that relate to his specific likes. If he gambles, he could dislike cheaters. Maybe daytime is the bane of his existance.

 

Basically, we want to see more of this character.

 

Finally, while I appreciate the Fresh Prince reference, it doesn't fit here. The Fresh Prince doesn't exist in Equestria.

Okay, I edited some things, rearranged some things, and made the backstory longer. 

I think this one is pretty good, but if there's anything else you'd like to say, I'm all ears.

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Troblems

This is a LOT better. You've got motives to why he does what he does. However, there are still a few issues:

-We don't have a solid grasp on how the economy works in Equestria. That being said, 2400 bits seems like an excessive amount of cash. Having a more generic statement rather than an exact amount would fit a lot better.

-The Fresh Prince reference has got to go.

-The formatting here is...not good. Why is every sentence on its own line? o.O

-What is he doing now? Where does he live? Presumably his career is as a gambler, so where does he find these games? Are they legit, or underground?

-This isn't required, but you may want to consider it: Give his parents names. They're major characters in his backstory, so this that over.

 

Finally, if you think 3 paragraphs is a lot, this section may not be for you. Right now an RP post has to be at least 300 characters. Once we migrate to the new site, it will go up to 600 characters per post. 

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Shadowking58

This is a LOT better. You've got motives to why he does what he does. However, there are still a few issues:

-We don't have a solid grasp on how the economy works in Equestria. That being said, 2400 bits seems like an excessive amount of cash. Having a more generic statement rather than an exact amount would fit a lot better.

-The Fresh Prince reference has got to go.

-The formatting here is...not good. Why is every sentence on its own line? o.O

-What is he doing now? Where does he live? Presumably his career is as a gambler, so where does he find these games? Are they legit, or underground?

-This isn't required, but you may want to consider it: Give his parents names. They're major characters in his backstory, so this that over.

 

Finally, if you think 3 paragraphs is a lot, this section may not be for you. Right now an RP post has to be at least 300 characters. Once we migrate to the new site, it will go up to 600 characters per post. 

I appreciate the feedback. But I apologize for the formatting. I have a tendency to write or type like this. If every sentence isn't on it's own line, my OCD starts torturing me.

I hate that.

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Troblems

The formating is minor, and it won't stop you from being accepted. If it's really that bothersome to you, leave it as is. 

 

Couple more changes:

-His mom's name. Same thing as with the Fresh Prince reference. It's a pop culture of the real world, and therefore doesn't exist in Equestria. Something poker related would be pretty legit.

-This is a canon section, so everything has to be seen in the show, or it is reasonable that it might be seen in the show. That being said, what the heck is a night stone? If you're going for a dark stone, hematite might be your best bet. I do however really like that it's worn in memory of his mom.

-Filly refers to young female horses. Colt is male, foal is both. He basically says he's not a little girl anymore. >.>

 

You're super close to being approved, I promise.

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Shadowking58

The formating is minor, and it won't stop you from being accepted. If it's really that bothersome to you, leave it as is. 

 

Couple more changes:

-His mom's name. Same thing as with the Fresh Prince reference. It's a pop culture of the real world, and therefore doesn't exist in Equestria. Something poker related would be pretty legit.

-This is a canon section, so everything has to be seen in the show, or it is reasonable that it might be seen in the show. That being said, what the heck is a night stone? If you're going for a dark stone, hematite might be your best bet. I do however really like that it's worn in memory of his mom.

-Filly refers to young female horses. Colt is male, foal is both. He basically says he's not a little girl anymore. >.>

 

You're super close to being approved, I promise.

Oh god, I had totally forgotten about that gender thing!

The hematite stone is a good idea, but it's still a necklace of sorts.

I just got one question, is there any way for anypony in Equestria Empire to listen to music like we do? (Like an MP3 player or something.)

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Troblems

I like his name much better now. I've edited an instance within the text that displayed his old name. Looks fine to me, let me go see if I can't find someone to give second approval.

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Shadowking58

I like his name much better now. I've edited an instance within the text that displayed his old name. Looks fine to me, let me go see if I can't find someone to give second approval.

Uhhh... don't you mean "Can find someone?" Lol, jk

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