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River Serene


Pat.Rio.T.
  • , No, Not Cast Young Mare

    Medium blue coat

     

    Bicolored mane mostly dark blue and some light cool mint blue, somewhat curly like rolling water.

     

    White hooves

     

    Light blue eyes, and only top eyelashes

     

    Rounded ears, usually swept back

     

    light weight, slightly shorter than Patterson

     

    Usually seen with bracelets on her left hoof

     

    Almost always seen in a wheelchair, and with her brother, Patterson Rio Tacitus

    female Unicorn Blue transparent glowing spirals in black spirals all surrounding a blue transparent glowing orb in the center, with a simple black eye symbol over the center. This stands for her exceptionaly powerful telekinesis, or "mind over matter" https://buffy.mlpforums.com/4d3b048692e0bf69bccf73a47aba8d33.png

    River is extremely shy around anypony, except for Patterson, because of her past. She does not get angered easily, but she is very sensitive, and it is not exceptional for her to break down crying. But it is good for her as it releases alot of tension.

     

    She depends very much on Patterson when it comes to social life, and usually lets him do all the talking, not that Pat actually says alot though. However, to Patterson she can be fairly talkative, and she doesn't hold much back from him.

     

    She has very low self-esteem, so she relies on Pat to give her confidence. Despite this, she doesn't let her disability get in the way of living her life, and enjoying things around her.

     

    She is exceptionally smart, and knows alot about history and social studies. She loves to read and do research, and she occasionally blurts out random facts.

     

    Despite her love of music, she has extreme stage fright, and under no circumstances would ever perform in front of anypony. She does enjoy singing duets with Pat in their free time.

     

    Although she posses exceptional power, she will almost never use it, even in self defense. However if somepony tries to hurt family, especially Patterson, she will get angered and she will not hesitate to use whatever force necessary to save them.

    Likes: Being left alone among other ponies, ponies who offend Patterson, being the center of attention, and spiders

    Not much is known of River Serene's origin. Even she does not remember much, not even her real name, up until being a young filly living in an orphanage, in the harsh land of Saddle Arabia. But she did remember that life there was terrible. She was always teased because of her paralyzed hind legs. She never talked to anypony, and whenever it wasn't mealtime or something she would go off and hide. Supplies were hard to come by in Saddle Arabia, and food was especially slim, it wasn't uncommon to skip a meal.

     

    One day, River decided that she ought to leave. After all, nopony seemed to care about her, and besides, she would be one less mouth to feed. So that night she snuck out, while everypony else was alseep, and she wandered the empty streets looking for someplace to stay. When somepony came walking down the street towards her, she scurried down a side street into an alley, not wanting to be seen. There she found a fairly large cardboard box just lying there, and she decided to crawl inside, where she took a long nap.

     

    Many hours later, it was very early in the morning, the sun hadn't even risen yet, and River was awoken by the sound of coyotes rummaging through the junk in the alley. She was immediately paralysed with fear as she tried to remain undetected inside the box, fearing what may be lurking outside. They were getting closer to her box, she couldn't run because of her hind legs, but whatever it was would surely find her. Her heart froze as she saw a snout poking around the opening of the box, trying to move the flaps which separated her from them. When all of a sudden, she heard somepony yelling and clanking metal together, and the animal disappeared from view. After the coyotes were chased away, a dark blue colt, wearing a cowboy hat, opened her box and looked inside. River was huddled in the corner, as she was coaxed by this colt who didn't seem too much older than her. She did not know why, but she seemed to trust him. She slowly crawled towards him, and without warning she clung to him.

     

    As the mysteriously colt carried her away, she finally felt safe, and it finally seemed that somepony cared about her. He took her to his home and family, and there she learned his name, Patterson. His family decided to keep her, at least as long as somepony didn't come and claim her. And they gave her the name River Serene, because of her colors and her mane which gave the appearance of rolling water. From then on she became quite attached to Pat, probably due to the fact that he was the first pony she had ever met who really cared about her. She followed him everywhere and would do almost nothing without him, and Pat looked after her, almost like a father. She showed multiple times that she seemed to have exceptional telekinesis, almost more than she could handle at times, as evidenced by her breaking things on occasion. She remained pretty much silent for a while, until one day she actually did speak to Pat. They in fact were surprised at how well she knew how to speak, but other than to Pat she still remained fairly silent.

     

    Patterson's family finally gathered enough resources to be able to move to a better place in Equestria. The city of Manehatten. Where they were finally able to get River a wheelchair, raise their children properly, and lead a normal life. In between that time up until the present, life was fairly normal. However, try as hard as she could, River simply could not do any other magic except for telekinesis. And although River eventually became more comfortable around other ponies, she still prefered to hang around Pat, which he did not mind. They had somewhat of a brother/sister, or team partner relationship, and eventually became well known among friends as a unit often refered to as RioSerene or RiverPat. Even when Patterson moved to Hoofington, River went with him. They have never developed a romantic relationship, although there has been some extremely subtle chemistry from time to time, which has never amounted to much as of yet, especially since Pat is often oblivious. But to this day, they are still almost always seen together.

     

    River almost never uses her exceptional telekinesis, except to propel her wheelchair. However if somepony were to try to hurt her family, especially Patterson, she will get angered and she will not hesitate to use whatever force necessary to save them.

    Abilities/Talents: River, although she cannot do any other type of magic besides telekinesis, appears to be exceptionally powerful in this aspect. She is also exceptionally smart and very knowledgeable in history and social studies. She also is good at singing and can play the guitar, but outside of singing and playing with Patterson, she never shows off her talent, as she has extreme stage fright.

     

    Patterson Rio Tacitus: Patterson is a dark blue earth pony, who when they were both young saved River off the street, and his family adopted her and named her. Despite being more of a brother, he looked after River almost like a father. Ever since their encounter, River had become quite attached to Pat, since he seemed to be the first pony ever to care about her. He is almost never seen without her, and always does the talking for her, when they are out. He is very skilled in fighting with a bo staff, and he is an expert singer and pianist.

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Your characters backstory is quite rich, and for that I applaud you, however it is also quite dark. Beating is taking it a bit far. She's also an orphan and in a wheel chair. A rough past is okay, but this is crossing into grimdark. We're also currently unsure as to how taxing works in Equestria, nor even if they have taxes. A few subtle changes and I'd be happy to approve this.

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I did not know exactly to what extent I had to adjust the backstory, but I removed all of the beating. If you wish any more to be removed/adjusted...well, you know.

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@@Pat.Rio.T.,

Basically the harassment that the character goes through before meeting Rio is a little extreme. Some is okay, but if you could tone it down a bit, that would be great, such as the other ponies at the orphanage stepping on Serene's tail so she can't move, and having to drag her legs along behind her. Sad stories are okay, but this is a bit much. Quoting the OC requirements:

However, other aspects, such as character abandonment, loneliness, pre-existing injuries and medical conditions are fine within reason. Crippling abuse in back stories, however, is strictly prohibited.

 

We also currently don't know how governments are run in Equestria, we don't know if one would have enough power to take money from an orphanage. Because of this, before the character can be approved, the second paragraph of the backstory would need to be changed, as to why the orphanage was shut down. I'd be happy to work with you on this, or any other part of this character if you have any questions.

 

Sorry it took so long to respond, we've been discussing how to best handle this character. We didn't want to completely change who she is, but at the same time have her fit well into lore.

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Basically the harassment that the character goes through before meeting Rio is a little extreme. Some is okay, but if you could tone it down a bit, that would be great, such as the other ponies at the orphanage stepping on Serene's tail so she can't move, and having to drag her legs along behind her. Sad stories are okay, but this is a bit much. Quoting the OC requirements:

However, other aspects, such as character abandonment, loneliness, pre-existing injuries and medical conditions are fine within reason. Crippling abuse in back stories, however, is strictly prohibited.

I did look through OC requirements pretty thoroughly, and at first I was worried, but then I also looked at some approved characters' backstories and I though I saw at least one that seemed worse than mine so I thought that mine would get away with being borderline. And the abuse did not cripple her in any way, if that is what you are implying(with the exception of causing her to be extremely shy), her legs were paralyzed from birth.

 

We also currently don't know how governments are run in Equestria, we don't know if one would have enough power to take money from an orphanage. Because of this, before the character can be approved, the second paragraph of the backstory would need to be changed, as to why the orphanage was shut down. I'd be happy to work with you on this, or any other part of this character if you have any questions.

In the second paragraph I was merely implying that the orphanage's funding was in such bad condition that they may as well have taken it all away. Just in case there was any misunderstanding there.

 

Please don't take this the wrong way I do not mean to complain, although it can be difficult, and frustrating even, to have to change things around, but I also want to make sure that there is no misunderstanding.

(although, I am baffled as to how somepony else was able to get away with what I thought was a worse backstory.)

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I did look through OC requirements pretty thoroughly, and at first I was worried, but then I also looked at some approved characters' backstories and I though I saw at least one that seemed worse than mine so I thought that mine would get away with being borderline. And the abuse did not cripple her in any way, if that is what you are implying(with the exception of causing her to be extremely shy), her legs were paralyzed from birth.

 

In the second paragraph I was merely implying that the orphanage's funding was in such bad condition that they may as well have taken it all away. Just in case there was any misunderstanding there.

 

Please don't take this the wrong way I do not mean to complain, although it can be difficult, and frustrating even, to have to change things around, but I also want to make sure that there is no misunderstanding.

(although, I am baffled as to how somepony else was able to get away with what I thought was a worse backstory.)

 

The beginning of this backstory is considered excessively dark for many reasons. I'll take a moment to clarify those with you now.

 

It didn't take long for the orphanage to lose all funds. The government might as well have just sent somepony to hold them at swordpoint and say to give them all their money. A few years ago some very greedy, power-hungry stallions came into power over the land, and they used their power to oppress all of the poor citizens and would not allow anypony to leave. Because of this, no word got to the Princess or anypony else outside of the land.

 

While Equestria does have darker themes, it's not that dark. Also this wouldn't fly at all regardless, unless this entire structure they had would block dreams then Luna would know about everything that went on from her dreamwalk. And I severely doubt that Princess Luna would not tell her sister about such injustices and especial a coupe arising in one of the cities in her empire that willing subjects colts and fillies to such torture.

 

And the only time we've heard of a takeover as hostile as the one that you mention about the city is Sombra over the crystal empire. These Stallions are not Sombra and are not possessed with a magical darkness, so unless they actually killed the pony in charge, which is a major, no go. Then the overtake couldn't have happened. This is a no go and must be re-worked. This would not be as bad of an issue if the situation applied to your character only, and not an entire city. That is a major no, so you'll have to figure out another way that the orphanage lost funding. A coupe, and government taking the funds from them is a no go. The underfunded orphanage, on the other hand, is not a problem.

 

The rest of the backstory is fine after that, but really it's that paragraph that's the issue, and the fact that it doesn't just bring torture you your character alone, and the actions in general don't really fit with anything other than super villains in Equestria, which those to stallions are not. I understand that it's difficult to have to make changes to a character to fit a setting. Even my character is heavily toned down for this setting, so we are all subject to these rules.

 

Please change this so that your entire home village isn't subjected to such torture and change how the Orphanage lost it's funding. Once this is completed we will re-evaluate the character.

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Sorry I took so long, but I hope I have cleared things up now. Also, I really hate to shoot myself in the foot, but with a change to River's backstory of this magnitude, this means that I will also have to change Patterson Rio Tacitus' backstory as well. Problem? He is an approved character. Which is even more confusing, because his backstory, being linked to River's, has some of the same issues which you pointed out here, but were ignored when I submitted him.

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