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  • Dawn Streak

    Sekel

    By Sekel


      • Age: 16

      Gender: Female

      Species: Pegasus

      Personality: <p> Dawn likes being straightforward and to the point. However, this sometimes gets her in trouble and she doesn't take trouble too well. Either Dawn lashes out and yells or hits the pony responsible, stays silent and fumes until she can scream when she's alone, or just simply run away and hide. Her bluntness does her wonders in losing friends instead of making them due to how emotionless she may sometimes sound. That, coupled with her depression and past, isn't a good combination for her. </p>

      Backstory: <p> Between the ages of three and sixteen, when her mother vanished without a trace, Dawn got abused, threatened, and even tortured by her own mum. When she was five, she accidentally spilled some water on the carpet. Most parents would simply sigh and clean it up before gently scolding their children. Dawn's mum? She took one look at the water before yelling at Dawn and dragging her into the kitchen. Dawn kept apologising profusely but ended up screaming when her mum bashed her wing in with a rolling pin. </p> <p> When Dawn was about eight, her mum nearly severed her left wing off, the same one that got bashed in with a rolling pin. It left an obvious scar that connected with one running from just underneath her jugular to the crook of her left foreleg. Between twelve and when her mum vanishes, Dawn took to hiding in odd places and managed to avoid her mother's wrath and twisted views in raising foals. </p>

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    Dawn Streak
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    Widdershins

    A quite impressive description I must say! Usually it takes me paragraphs to cover as much detail as you did!

      Though, other than a physical description there's not too much about personality. Sure, she was abused and you tied in how that effects her now, but that doesn't quite cover how she reacts to things or others. A personality can grow from one's past, but its formed on what it does in the present.

      Also, at the risk of sounding trite & brash, abuse is kind of cliche. Every being gets abused one way or another in their life, its a given. Even child abuse when you were younger is alot more common then most would think. ...least, I think so anyway.

      And remove the "Can change depending on Roleplay" part. I'm no expert there myself either, but that's more of a do-it-when-you-come-to-it sort of deal. Like I've seen some other entries do for stats or combat skills. Any character should try to make things fit to them rather then warp themselves to fit. Like, my main guy, as weird as he already is, I have as part of an entirely different franchise as well as an entirely different species, but I still keep the major things like his overall look & personality.

       What you got isn't bad by any means, just needs a bit more to it. But hey, that's just the opinion of somebeing who likes a good story!

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    Sekel

    @Widdershins

    When I get back home, and have time, I'm going to try and update the profile. I understand where you're coming from and I want to Dawn to be a good character. I huess I'm so used to writing her that I kind of skimped out on the details.

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    Widdershins

     Huh... entirely forgot I already commented here.  Well, I feel the urge to revamp my previous statement. I still do think the Abuse Backstory is cliche. (and yes, calling things cliche is also a cliche, lol!)  It's unsteady ground there. You can put a little too much of yourself into the character or be a fair bit too sympathetic to your audience. It's a thin line where being too emotional about it can rub the reader wrong and they dismiss it as a transparent ploy or go too indirect and sound just as cheap for not giving it enough respect for something so real-life.

       But... the way you do it is pretty impressive. I can't find fault somehow. Maybe it just sounds so realistic. There's no hint that her mother was some evil villain or was even aiming to bash or scar her. It was just the hand Dawn was dealt for her life. Hmm... maybe evil just works better when its vague & indirect... there isn't always some loud, showy villain with their own ends.

     

      Oh hey, just noticed. Did you take out the verbal description too?

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