Guardians of Equestria: Return of Scorn

[Skar 324]

Due to being stranded at home with no internet, I started my Fan-fic

Chapter 1 - Death of a Flower.rtf

Chapter 2 - Shadows of the Everfree.rtf

Chapter 3 - A Brightly Colored Town.rtf

More later. Half way through Chapter 4. These are rough drafts and more detail will be added once the thing is finished.

Edited April 7, 2012 by Skar

[Neikos 968]

It's a bit short, but I guess for an introduction to a fanfiction it's alright.

 

It still needs some work: the grammar is somestime a bit off and your sentences are a bit weird.

 

You also have to make paragraphs, it adds to the readability and gives each scene some kind of closure.

 

The story is a bit... generic to say the least. A few things are also left unexplained, Skar first tells us that he had to take care of his mom, but we never know why. Was she old? Some kind of sickness? His father's absence is also never explained.

 

Then towards the end, he questions himself/ an imaginary diety ( redundant much ) about why life is cruel making it sound like if he is grieving. And in the the next sentence he is already over it and trotting away happily.

 

I am sure if you detail those parts a bit more it gets both longer and richer.

 

Either way, keep up the good work! And don't get discouraged, as writing good is not that easy, but one can learn it trough work..

[Skar 324]

Lots of text

 

Yeah, i explain some of the background later. And yeah, the ending was kind of sharp. plus not realyl trying to do pro stuff, plus ive been okay with writing forever (As you can see) Chapter 2 will be up soon and its much longer