A Normal Day

[Astral Legend 73]

It's raining again.

 

I can see it outside the cave I'm currently residing in for tonight. With nothing else I can do until the storm dies down, I will sit here and silently watch it. 

 

Walking up to the cave door, I sit myself down near the entrance and watches the rain with a blank expression on my face. I watch it fall to the earth making puddles right in front of me. Watching the water inching it's way forward toward my form. Yet I make no motion to move. Even as I'm sitting here watching it come down, I can hear droplets falling from the cave roof onto the floor. It was my only company, the only sound I could hear other than my own thoughts and the rain pouring gently outside.

 

I wondered, as I was sitting there, I wondered how were my parents getting along. Knowing that they were like myself, always traveling and learning about new things in Equestria. They must've been having a blast, they were both scholars, after all. 

 

Hmm.

 

I was broken from my thoughts when I felt water touch the tip of my hoof. Looking down to see a small puddle forming. Even so, I made no notion to move. I stared down at the water, at my own reflection. My expression. It looked as if it was void of everything. No life, no warmth, nothing. In my mind, all I could ask was why? Why did I look so gloomy? So down, so defeated. In the back of my mind, I knew the answer but time and time again I dismissed it being nothing more than something that was only in my head. Yet when I looked into my own eyes, it was screaming at me. Screaming for help. Before I knew it, I clenched my teeth in disgust but only slightly.

 

I couldn't get angry. My eyes were telling a story that I myself could not admit to nor did I want to. This heavy feeling wasn't alien, it was all too familiar. Something I wanted to let go but couldn't and had been sticking to me ever since. It was right then I wondered what was the fulfillment to a life like mine? I was always alone, nopony to share my experiences with, nopony I could lean on in my time of need. I suppose its my own fault that I feel this way and did nothing to change it.

 

I look up from that puddle and watch the rain silently again. Soon enough, the sound drowned itself out. I couldn't hear anything, not even the beat of my own heart. Putting my hoof over my chest, I can feel it beating, fluttering even. It was irregular. An erratic pattern. An alien pattern. I was not comfortable with this. I wanted to panic but my expression didn't change and soon put down my hoof to the ground. As I did so, I felt a chill go up my spine. The puddle gotten even bigger and it was quite chilly. Though I didn't dislike this feeling. It fit. Almost too perfectly. I did not move away but laid myself down in my spot. I can now feel the water racing toward the middle of my body.

 

It was cold, made two front legs feel numb but I didn't move nor did I want to. I position myself to lay my head on my legs and watched the rain outside, half lidded. This rain, the dark clouds...it was exactly what I was feeling and something I pushed away for too long. I knew that I had to face this but didn't want to do so alone. Didn't have a choice because I withdrew myself from social interactions. Didn't make any friends and chose this life of solitude. I deserve everything from this and more until I make the first real step. I knew this but I was scared to, scared what others may think of me. Despite this, I take on dangerous expeditions, tread dangerous places, even though I may get seriously injured in the process. I wasn't brave. I was running away just like now. 

 

Just how far was I going to go before I got sick of it? This was indeed bearing unnecessary burden that I didn't have to go through and yet...I chose it because it was more convenient for me to just hide it and go on as if I didn't feel a thing. I was numbing myself just like this water is currently doing to my whole body. I felt stuck in one place and no matter how far I walked, how many steps I took, this path was leading nowhere and chasing something that I won't be able to grasp at all.

 

Friendship.

 

It's gotten so bad that the word alone filled me with an awful feeling that only could be described as discomfort. I can't say a word such as this and not feel the repercussions of my own actions and choices. When I had so many chances to break from the shackles I put on myself, I instead made them tighter. Now I've gotten so deep that I don't know if I can ever be free of it.

 

I wish things could've been different. I wish I didn't have to deal with this. I wish I could go back to stop myself from ever feeling this way. I don't know what to do anymore.

 

The rain had stopped minutes ago but I was still shaking, every muscle in my body was tense.

 

The depression I felt soon turned to anger. No, much more than that.

 

Rage.

 

So much that I hit the water in front of me with a strong stomp of my hoof. I watch the water ripple my reflection. My eyes seething with angry, pain, rage, depression...I won't be accepted like this. I wouldn't accept me either. Who could? ...Who would? 

 

I had to calm down. This was not me, there was no way this could've been me. What was this? Just what was I doing? It finally donned on me in that moment. I was starting to let it out and I didn't care anymore. I screamed. I screamed as loud as I possibly could even if I knew nopony could hear me. I didn't care if I attracted a dragon, hydra, or some other unwanted predator. I didn't care. Didn't want to care. So there I stood screaming loudly to the outside. Crying and bawling my eyes out. My tears stung, tasted salty, my heart racing!

 

For the first time in a long time, I let it out. It felt good. Even as I was panting and shaking like a leaf because of how cold I was. That strong, nasty feeling that was sitting in the pit of my stomach was gone. I eased up. Walked back to the fire that I had currently burning inside of a barrier that protected it from the wind. I sat there with an indifferent emotion on my face. Watching the fire dance in front of me.

 

Maybe it's time I went back to Ponyville. I know I won't have anypony waiting for me there but anything was better than being alone all the time. Thinking it and dreading it at the same time. I was no good at meeting new ponies and there was surely a great number of them now. Well if worst comes to worst, I can still come here to mull things over for a little while.

 

Yeah, like my own little port in the storm... 

 

 

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It was just something I felt like writing. Based on an event that actually happened to me a long time ago. Wasn't as dramatic though. Consider it the story before my OC came back to Ponyville. Some parts I actually left out. It's not really that good but for me, it's enough. I think I conveyed my point as much as possible. So, happy reading!

Edited March 8, 2015 by Astral Legend

[MalcolmTheBrony 58]

That was awesome  It's way better than anything I could write lol   You're really good at writing  I really enjoyed reading it

 

 

For the first time in a long time, I let it out.

 I always love when this happens. It feels good to just let it out every once in a while.

[Ice Fox 1,145]

Very well done. It takes a good writer to flesh out a scene in which it is just one character alone, barely moving, as much as this.

[magicguy0711 36]

This is so awesome. Keep it up!