An Attempt at Bringing Old Ideas to Life

[GreySentinel 157]

This is very wordy, and overall, a VERY long read!

 

Hello. I've had many ideas of an original character during the past few years, but only two made the cut. I'd like some insight into whether or not these characters are poorly written, bland, or given too much ability in comparison to their flaws. On a quick side note, this my first forum post that I've included ideas that I wanted to use, so I hope that I don't give a negative or remotely odd impression. I also wanted to mention that some concepts are borrowed from well known fantasy worlds (Dungeons and Dragons, Pathfinder,etc) All in all, feel free to give criticism at any time or pace.

 

Edit: I didn't expect the bio to be this long (I apologize for that, by the way)! I'll eventually introduce the second character.

 

      First, I'll introduce Silver Ward, an earth pony. He's named for his talent, which encompasses most of the events he's experienced and will experience. Since his youth as a colt, he always admired the Royal Guard and their selfless sacrifice for the average civilian. For future purposes, I'd say my official age for him would be either 19 or 20. At either age, he still hasn't achieved his goal of been enlisted, but it would be wrong to say that he hasn't at least caught the Guard's attention.

      Silver is physically capable and durable, like the majority of the earth pony population; he may even be in the above average range of such qualities. He has more of a wide, but not bulky, athletic build rather than lean. While he has his gifts, he also has flaws. Dexterity is something he clearly lacks. This can cause unfortunate occurrences such as applying too much pressure to a box holding a gift meant for a friend, or even breaking a seat and landing on the ground back-first. Not to mention his awkwardness around others, due to his constant struggle to vocalize his thoughts; it would be an understatement to say that it nearly always occurs during foreign or uncommon situations. The few people who get to know Silver have seen that his compassionate, noble, and honorable personality more than makes up for his shortcomings.

   Silver's worse flaws include his very strict moral compass, and short temper in certain situations; especially when facing or witnessing unfair conflicts that are often than not involving somepony being outnumbered. His cutie mark is a shield that's half white and half black, with one dragon on each half facing the other's direction.

 

If you wanted to skim the text and reach the controversial point, here it is below.

 

    Here's where I implemented the fantasy elements; It's well known within the fandom that mythological and fantastic creatures exist in FIM's canon universe. While dragons do exist as well, I wanted to implement two significant dragons to the mix: Bahamut and Tiamat. I planned on having him encounter both dragons, and am even leaning on implying that he encountered them 1 year ago. A stubborn search for a missing foalhood friend locked Silver in having no choice but to form a pact with not just one of the dragons, but another pact with the other; thus, he's trapped in serving two very powerful beings that are mortal enemies with each other.

 

BIGGEST POTENTIAL PLOT PROBLEM BELOW!

   The situation isn't all negative, however. His pact with Bahamut enabled use of "divine light magic", allowing weak but useful healing ability, and also great potential for abjuration or defense oriented magic. His pact with Tiamut granted use of "DIvine dark magic", which includes a few dangerous offensive spells and gradually growing potential for spells that rely on his life-force(the self harm ranges from small to devastating). An unfortunate side effect of having both pacts brought about the problem of his personality sometimes shifting from one extreme to its opposite; he could be enthusiastic about helping his friends one day, then spontaneously shifting to secluding himself in his home for days.

 

 

This is pretty much the gist of my idea of Silver Ward. I wanted to know if I'm screwing up or making an overpowered character because of the divine magic situation.  I'm trying to limit the utility of spells that evolve to only include defensive light magic, and life-force dependent dark magic; everything else remains static (level 1 healing permanently). This all was heavily inspired by the idea of a Paladin/Blackguard hybrid. What do any of you think? Since he's an earth pony, does this part override the idea of a balanced OC? 

 

PS: I am VERY sorry for the wall of text!     

 

[Chip Circuit 1,842]

In my opinion I think Silver ward is a good character, although with his name and the name referencing his talent makes me think he'd be better as a Unicorn. With a similar ability like Shining armor. While shining can create a defensive barrier big enough to protect a city Silver could be more adept at creating small direction wards that can protect crowds and individuals. Which would be a desired ability of royalty as a personal guard.

 

Which making him a unicorn would make him capable of being able to handle the magic of such powerful dragons (I'm a D&D/pathfinder player as well so I know these two) In my opinion if an earth pony was given such magic without a pool of magic for this magic to merge with could gravely injure a pony or cause an unbalance inside him. Both mentally and physically.

 

With the two magics since he revers the royal guard so much, who are depicted as more towards Lawful good/good which brings to mind light magic. Silver could primarily practice his platinum magic while focus and training to suppress his dark magic. While in normal situations and basic battle he has no problem keeping his dark magic hidden. Although if he gets pushed to a far degree of anger or if he is on the precipice of death/severe bodily harm is when he accidentally releases his dark magic. Which in turn provides unrest within the guards ranks, which can give you your plot twist later on.  

 

But I've made characters and I know what it's like to have someone saying you should change him, so yea just an idea

If you want feel free to PM me if you have more questions or suggestions 

Edited March 12, 2015 by Chip Circuit

[GreySentinel 157]

In my opinion I think Silver ward is a good character, although with his name and the name referencing his talent makes me think he'd be better as a Unicorn. With a similar ability like Shining armor. While shining can create a defensive barrier big enough to protect a city Silver could be more adept at creating small direction wards that can protect crowds and individuals. Which would be a desired ability of royalty as a personal guard.

 

But I've made characters and I know what it's like to have someone saying you should change him, so yea just an idea

 

Shining was definitely a pony that I had in mind, when I was creating Silvar Ward. I actually wanted him to be a unicorn, to reduce the controversy, but I wanted him to also be resilient and strong. Forgive my ignorance, but aren't unicorns the least physically capable of pony races (If the pony tribes existed on Earth, this would be blatant racism  ) ?

[AspenSwift 153]

This is good, I'm just glad that you didn't make him part dragon.  For an Earth Pony, it may be a little strange, but I'd believe that it would fit in with Canon quite well.

[GreySentinel 157]

This is good, I'm just glad that you didn't make him part dragon.  For an Earth Pony, it may be a little strange, but I'd believe that it would fit in with Canon quite well.

 

Thanks for the feedback! Also, you think he'd actually fit Canon, AND fit it WELL?   That's a really good surprise to me; it makes me really happy to hear that!

[Chip Circuit 1,842]

Shining was definitely a pony that I had in mind, when I was creating Silvar Ward. I actually wanted him to be a unicorn, to reduce the controversy, but I wanted him to also be resilient and strong. Forgive my ignorance, but aren't unicorns the least physically capable of pony races (If the pony tribes existed on Earth, this would be blatant racism  ) ?

Generally yes but most of the royal guards is actually comprised of all three races, and some Unicorns could be naturally stronger. Like how some earth ponies can be frail. But I will agree unicorns tend to be more frail since they are seen as the more high society side. Like my OC Chip Circuit is is timid and somewhat weak because he is a tech/mechanical pony.

 

You could have Silver with an earth pony father and a unicorn mother, that way he can receive both of those traits.

 

You could do a backstory that originates from him being born into a non military/strong family, which one day a member of the guard could of save him (guard could be a unicorn who shows how strong he is. So perhaps stopping a cart that is rolling down a hill.) Seeing this act of bravery, selflessness and strength is what could of been the driving force for Silver's admiration for the guard. 

 

While the thought of unicorns or himself being physically weak is in the back of his head he trains diligently  to prove himself and everyone else wrong, as he works to his dream of being a guard.

 

Another thing you could do is remove the dexterity flaw and make him not as strong as earth pony guards. that could be why is magic is based around ward magic, possibly to such a degree of control where he can veil himself in magical armor with the same potential as his wards. but he will be unable to use another ward while focusing so much on the veiled armor.

 

 

Lol going back to the "i play D&D" I'm also a DM/campaign creator. So you pitch an idea I can freaking run with it lol

Edited March 12, 2015 by Chip Circuit

[GreySentinel 157]

Generally yes but most of the royal guards is actually comprised of all three races, and some Unicorns could be naturally stronger. Like how some earth ponies can be frail. 

 

You could do a backstory that originates from him being born into a non military/strong family, which one day a member of the guard could of save him (guard could be a unicorn who shows how strong he is. So perhaps stopping a cart that is rolling down a hill.) Seeing this act of bravery, selflessness and strength is what could of been the driving force for Silver's admiration for the guard. 

 

While the thought of unicorns or himself being physically weak is in the back of his head he trains diligently  to prove himself and everyone else wrong, as he works to his dream of being a guard.

 

Another thing you could do is remove the dexterity flaw and make him not as strong as earth pony guards. that could be why is magic is based around ward magic, possibly to such a degree of control where he can veil himself in magical armor with the same potential as his wards. but he will be unable to use another ward while focusing so much on the veiled armor.

 

 

Lol going back to the "i play D&D" I'm also a DM/campaign creator. So you pitch an idea I can freaking run with it lol

 

Nice! I actually really like this idea, and I'm now leaning toward having Silver being a unicorn instead! I never really considered the ponies of either race that are born with outside of the norm traits; that's very good insight! I also really like your idea of his light magic canceling out his active dark magic when used, or vice versa. 

 

I didn't know you DM'd, either Chip! That job I'm sort of familiar with, but I know how demanding it can be! 

[Chip Circuit 1,842]

Nice! I actually really like this idea, and I'm now leaning toward having Silver being a unicorn instead! I never really considered the ponies of either race that are born with outside of the norm traits; that's very good insight! I also really like your idea of his light magic canceling out his active dark magic when used, or vice versa. 

 

I didn't know you DM'd, either Chip! That job I'm sort of familiar with, but I know how demanding it can be! 

The group I play with luckily already has all the books, that's the main thing I'd hate about being Dm is having to be the book keeper lol

 

Otherwise I've always been good with coming up with stories on the spot and making longer stories when I have time to prep. I'm also in the process of making what i'm calling elder scrolls D&D, where I will let anything happen with full free roam and changing elements within the world that can create quests and obstacles.

 

Anyways if you want more suggestions on this character or more in the future feel free to ask.

 

Lol just thought of the most out of the ordinary Pony from his race, Bulk Biceps. While a Pegasus is thought of as agile/nimble, bulk is obviously not so. 

Edited March 12, 2015 by Chip Circuit

[GreySentinel 157]

The group I play with luckily already has all the books, that's the main thing I'd hate about being Dm is having to be the book keeper lol

 

Otherwise I've always been good with coming up with stories on the spot and making longer stories when I have time to prep. I'm also in the process of making what i'm calling elder scrolls D&D, where I will let anything happen with full free roam and changing elements within the world that can create quests and obstacles.

 

Anyways if you want more suggestions on this character or more in the future feel free to ask.

 

The last game I DM'd had free roaming; it was a ton of weight off my back using improvising instead of pre-written ideas! After I get the hang of making encounters on the fly, using that approach will be very fun for me.

 

I appreciate your suggestions, and I'll be sure to ask for more help next time I need feedback!   

[Chip Circuit 1,842]

In my experience if you do on the fly DMing, use percentage dies to determine if the players luck plays out. I'm a DM that likes to help the players so like in my most recent game i DMed which was a christmas based campaign. The group was adventuring through the tundra and asked if there was any shelter in sight. Not planning on having shelter in the tundra I rolled 3 percentages (1d100+1d10) and I averaged them. Then I rolled a d20, looking at it like every number is 5% (the way I use this is say i roll an average 82% but rolled a 3(15% totaled 99%) or less no shelter. But roll a 4+ then that's 100%+. So even if I roll 1% if i roll a crit on the 20 they could still get it. 

 

Anyways they had luck on their side so a small rock cave was in view, but I rolled a few more die and turns out there is an artic wolf residing inside. They noticed the wolf before they got to close, but as they were preparing for combat the wolf managed to sneak out beating the group's perception. So for the shelter I ended up making them work for it. I use this for practically everything the players throw at me that I didn't plan. 

[GreySentinel 157]

I've pretty much scrapped my other ideas in the recycling bin for now, and made Silver Ward my ponysona. I've changed his race from earth pony to unicorn, adjusted his backstory, and attempted to re-balance him. Does anyone else have an opinion on Silver? I'd like to know, because I plan on adding him to the forum's character database pretty soon.

 

Edit:

To buy more time before adding him to the database, I'll summarize more information about Silver Ward's backstory with revised changes, here.

 

Silver is a young Unicorn stallion who currently resides in Canterlot. Despite his hometown (city?) being often stereotyped as a place full of posh, regal and high class ponies, Silver is a middle class civilian. He was lovingly raised by his father (an earth pony stallion) only, due to his mother (a unicorn mare) passing away within weeks after giving birth to him. An event that occurred when he was a colt steered the course of his life and motivations; while traveling for a month-long tour outside of Canterlot, The caravan that he was in encountered a bandit ambush.

 

The foal was frightened for his own life, but a pegasus mare of the Royal Guard managed to intervene, before any causalities occurred. The amazing display the mare gave of simultaneously defeating the three armed assailants while also monitoring the condition of the ponies that she defended, left a lasting impact on Silver. After enthusiastically thanking the pony responsible for saving his and a couple of other ponies' lives, the guard mentioned to him that she noticed his failed (and naive) attempt to drive off the bandits. Knowingly, she told him his action was commendable, but she also told him to carefully consider his options in such situations; especially considering his age at the time, and the fact that he was unarmed.

 

Almost as if she knew exactly what he was thinking at the moment, she asked Silver if he wished to learn how to better defend others, while defending himself as well. The colt quickly and gratefully accepted the offer; for the next couple of years, Silver would soon learn tactics and other things related to both defending others, and combat in general. While his skilled tutor favored using a spear accompanied by a large phalanx shield, Silver didn't prefer to use conventional weaponry; Silver's father learned about this, after his son (now between colt and stallion age; leaning toward stallion) told him. To Silver's surprise, his father had noteworthy fighting skill,

and trained Silver in fighting bare-hoofed.

 

After recently reaching the age of a stallion, Silver's appearance changed completely; While his grey coat and black mane stayed the same, he was a bit taller than average, and had a wide, but not bulky, athletic build. He often wore a caestus on both of his front hooves. Though he still wished to be a Royal Guard, his life seemed Utopian to himself; He was saddened that his former gaurdian retired from the Guard, but he felt more than honored when she permanently lent him her shield.

 

That "perfect" life, however, was soon impacted by a tragedy that he found out that occurred about almost a year afterwards. His Guardsman caregiver was murdered in her sleep, during a robbery in her home. Word of the horrific event spread like wildfire; murder is something Equestria knows of, but isn't used to. The stallion was devastated, and beyond furious at the unfitting and unjustified end of the mare. By a very rare situation of chance, Silver encountered the two ponies responsible for the murder; it took nearly all of his willpower to not revive the infamy of the crime those two were guilty of, as he saw them laughing during a conversation. To say that he almost snapped when saw one of them repeatedly tossing upwards and catching an heirloom that undeniably belonged to a deceased mare, would be an understatement.

 

Implicitly adding insult to the grievous moment, the two ponies were taken down quickly; despite Silver being outnumbered and those two being armed. After telling a Guardsman of the event and the location of the bloodied, but still living criminals, the guard thanked him and galloped to that location immediately; Eventually, the two murderers were condemned in Canterlot's prison to soon be judged by both princesses. It still felt like a hollow victory for Silver, though.

 

 

 

 

Man, that was a DOOZY! I'm glad I got it done!

Edited March 13, 2015 by GreySentinel

[Chip Circuit 1,842]

Quite the background I like it but I think there also has to be some background as to why his father would have a fighting ability.

[GreySentinel 157]

Quite the background I like it but I think there also has to be some background as to why his father would have a fighting ability.

 

It's a mix of his both his years as professional boxer, and the rough and unfriendly area he and his wife lived in, before moving to Canterlot (friendship wasn't exactly magic, back in the day! Hardy, har!). Thanks for bringing that up, and reminding me to fix that.

Edited March 13, 2015 by GreySentinel

[Chip Circuit 1,842]

anytime happy to help whenever you need

[GreySentinel 157]

I'll just give this post one final bump, before adding in Silver by the end of Saturday. 

 

I also have another question. Do you think it would be a better Idea to revise Silver Ward's name? I can come up with something else with a most thirty minutes; ten seconds would more than ideal, but it's extremely out of my range!   

 

Silver is a slightly commonly used forename, from what I've seen.

[Chip Circuit 1,842]

What color fur does he have, or i'd say his name sake could end up being his shade of magic.

 

Or a name I came up with for one background pony thats comparable

 

Onyx Aegis

[GreySentinel 157]

What color fur does he have, or i'd say his name sake could end up being his shade of magic.

 

Or a name I came up with for one background pony thats comparable

 

Onyx Aegis

 

Nice idea. I wanted to call him GrayAegis at first, actually, since day one of planning, but my clearly similar user name dissuaded me from following through! I should probably reconsider, eh?

[Chip Circuit 1,842]

I'd say so, i mean its a username involved with our world not MLP