Something completely silly from my head

[Light Blade 8,673]

I am working slowly on an original story. Want to chat with somebody, so that/those somebody could share a thought or 2 about the idea. Although, regardless of what you guys might tell me, I am still going all way onward with whatever plan I have in mind. Still I would appreciate any thoughts from you. And I am that kind of a guy, who is constantly expects negative directed in his way, but doesn't really snaps at people for that. So FIRE AWAY if you have anything to say.

 

So, the idea is that there is a planet, with its own solar system, where most of living beings (most of which are humanoid) have various special abilities. Genre is sci-fi, mixed with some of fantasy.

There is also a huge global organization to keep chaos at bay, if you please. A combination of police, military and mage guild (you could also add the Order of Jedi here)...if you please.

The story revolves around a kid (whose age will vary from 10 to 16 due to events chronology), who is a member of that organization. He is a pretty rebellious character and might disobey rules if they prevent him from keeping anybody he loves or cares about safe. Also he is last of his kind, which has sacrificed itself to save all other life in universe, and has very unique abilities, one of which grants him immunity against everything (well not really. He still can be affected by severe cold, but it won't kill him). Plus he cannot be killed completely (he recovers from even most lethal body damages).

 

That's it for now. If there will be any questions, then go ahead!

[Troblems 5,620]

@@Light Blade, I moved your thread to Creative Resources, which is the perfect place to ask for feedback on you art, or idea for art.

[Moony the Cat 3,707]

Sounds interesting, but..is he immune and cant die because of his high status in this military group thingy or has he special abilities which pretend him from dying? Like, had always special abilities?

 

Because, would cool if he has a high status in this military group, like if some people met him and becomes friends with them and you wouldnt think he would have a high status because he is so young, but then tells his friends :

 

" Ah, thats no problem! Im the son of an admiral ( or something ), i can arrange that . " And then he constantly surprises people 

And if some people are in really trouble, he can just call a little army or something to help because of his status there.

 

Actually the story reminds me a little of .hack//Sign, in which an user of an interactive video game has powers over the world and can disobey the rules, randomly teleport and nobody knows how he does that in the first way because he has also special powers. 

[Light Blade 8,673]

Sounds interesting, but..is he immune and cant die because of his high status in this military group thingy or has he special abilities which pretend him from dying? Like, had always special abilities?

 

Because, would cool if he has a high status in this military group, like if some people met him and becomes friends with them and you wouldnt think he would have a high status because he is so young, but then tells his friends :

 

" Ah, thats no problem! Im the son of an admiral ( or something ), i can arrange that . " And then he constantly surprises people 

And if some people are in really trouble, he can just call a little army or something to help because of his status there.

 

Actually the story reminds me a little of .hack//Sign, in which an user of an interactive video game has powers over the world and can disobey the rules, randomly teleport and nobody knows how he does that in the first way because he has also special powers. 

 

Finally I can talk about this with somebody

 

So, he can't die because of his abilities, or rather because of species he belongs to. Although, there might be a way to kill him. But it is your usual "Was Never Confirmed" scenario.

 

Now about his status: no, he does not have some crazy high position in organization. Let me explain. There are at least 5 major ranks:

 

• Rookie - first and the lowest sentrinal rank. Rookies serve in regular platoons, unless picked by any of seasoned sentrinals to become a part of one's team/squad.
• Triscilled - the next-level sentrinal sub-rank. Can be acquired by any rookie, who has passed special test of physical, mental and intellectual capabilities, which goes on during one's service in team. Can be also granted with recommendation of a seasoned or prime sentrinal. The triscilled sentrinal gains right to leave his team and work solo.
• Seasoned - second sentrinal rank. Triscilled sentrinals receive this promotion upon completing at least 3 cycles (years) of service since last promotion plus at least 1 award for the distinguished merits. Seasoned sentrinals have the privilege of picking rookies (or making offer to other sentrinals) to form their own team.
• Prime - third rank. Requires at least 12 cycles of service since Seasoned promotion plus at least 6 awards for the distinguished merits. Prime sentrinals are eligible for being elected as new Supreme.
• Supreme - the absolute sentrinal commander in his region. Serves only 6 cycles unless re-elected or resigned.

So, Rax (that's how I called main character) is a triscilled sentrinal, but doesn't look forward to become more than that. He and current supreme were in one team for about 4 cycles (years), and are friends. Although Rax doesn't exploit this friendship, unless there is some kind of serious emergency. And this supreme might help him out himself if he feels like it.

 

Never watched that one. I know it's out there, but never felt interested about it.

 

Abilities: basically, aside from certain immunities and inability to die completely, he can shapeshift parts of his body into whatever he wants. When doing so, his shapeshifting parts of body get that lightsaber-ish texture. But because Rax has his own "style" and doesn't want to look rather freaky, he limits them to turning his arms into blades or big claw-hands. Also he can grow long appendages from his back, that apparently work as wings (still he doesn't flap them). Of course it might be possible for him to use them as tentacles as well, but again - kind of freaky for him.

(If you don't really get that, take a look at my avatar. It should give you the idea of how does it look)

Edited August 17, 2015 by Light Blade

[Light Blade 8,673]

Rax is not really the character that has set some uberhigh goals life. He is just a guy, that is doing his job and satisfied by his current position. One of his life rules is that you don't have to fly higher than you can. That said, higher positions, because of their higher responsibilities, may start eating up on your personal life. And there is a balance to be maintained....

[skysweep 541]

Hmm...your idea seems rather interesting, but if I would, just offer a little of my opinion.

 

From this perspective, your main character being a protagonist, needs to have something above all the others, but it seems that he is a little too overpowered. A character needs to be a little more down to earth and relatable. In addition to this, it will help in senses of tension to build a climatic scene if he is actually killable. If someone is obviously not killable, its not fun because you can predict the outcome, the protagonist wins. Always. To make it vibrant, he needs to dangle on the edge. If not, then a key weakness. Something that can bring him down, brought in at the peak of a story. That can provide enough of a shock factor to spice things up.

 

Backstories can be used considering his past, but interweave it into the story. Dont chuck a chunk of text introducing him. Weave it in, paragraphs and chapters unveiling more about his storied past.

 

Might I ask what the story is going to be like? It would be very helpful to know what kind of experiences that your protagonist will be going through. It helps set the tone of the story.

[Light Blade 8,673]

Hmm...your idea seems rather interesting, but if I would, just offer a little of my opinion.

 

From this perspective, your main character being a protagonist, needs to have something above all the others, but it seems that he is a little too overpowered. A character needs to be a little more down to earth and relatable. In addition to this, it will help in senses of tension to build a climatic scene if he is actually killable. If someone is obviously not killable, its not fun because you can predict the outcome, the protagonist wins. Always. To make it vibrant, he needs to dangle on the edge. If not, then a key weakness. Something that can bring him down, brought in at the peak of a story. That can provide enough of a shock factor to spice things up.

 

Backstories can be used considering his past, but interweave it into the story. Dont chuck a chunk of text introducing him. Weave it in, paragraphs and chapters unveiling more about his storied past.

 

Might I ask what the story is going to be like? It would be very helpful to know what kind of experiences that your protagonist will be going through. It helps set the tone of the story.

 

Hahah. Those are some right remarks you've done there! Allow me to clarify things for you.

 

Firstly, being overpowered n stuff:

I did think of that constantly, but then decided to go with P/I/M system (Physical capabilities, Intellect and Mentality). Yes, the protagonist is very good at fighting, shooting, driving, running, jumping, flying and he nearly indestructible. But that's it. He is not too smart, and not a complete idiot. I would give his thinking thing 3.3 or 3.5 out of 5. Still it's his weak side. That's being said,

P: strong

I: acceptable

M: ...a thing that can drastically affect his behavior.

You see, the guy has very strong individual understanding of justice and usually sticks to it. That can sometimes result in risking his life, breaking the rules or even go up against the other good guys.

For example: there is A higher-ranked, but pretty rotten sentrinal that heavily mistreats his subordinates. Protagonist sees that and tells him what he doesn't think he likes that. Then on a joint mission that captain abandons his team and flees. Protagonist sees what happened, does whatever he can to help them and saves them. They all return to base and go to the supreme commander, as rotten captain reports to him that his team died and he was lucky to survive. Protagonist enters, and...right in front of supreme commander starts beat the living schmickles out of him. Bastard as result gets arrested.

Also, protagonist really cares about those few friends he has.

 

As of not getting killed, well who knows. There MIGHT be a way to killed him. No one didn't just happen to come up with it.

 

Now regarding backstories:

 

The part I told about supreme commander being his friend and ex teammate: I have divided the whole thing on 10 segments/arks, and that was arks #6 and #7.

 

#1. How he met his first team and became a sentrinal himself

#2. Death of his foster family (consisted of mother, father, and sister. His actual parents died 3 days after his birthday). His team breaks up (in rather hard way).

#3. Protagonist (now works solo) goes to another city to temporary work is it's sentrinal. And then coup happened...

#4. Protagonist thwarts an illegal military program and meets his future first best friend.

#5. Protagonist finds abandoned little girl and gives her home in his place. Half year later something happens (this part is currently under construction), and he loses her. Month later, he thinks over his questionable actions and decides to reboot his life and enjoy it like he did before.

#6. Operation on different planet with mentioned first best friend. Also, temporary return of other ex-teammate.

#7. Protagonist meets a female sentrinal, that at the end becomes his another best friend (and someone special at #10) Trio form a team.

#8. Outbreak story, combined with time travel closer to the end.

#9. Some short stories about protagonist and his team. And not only about them...

#10. Protagonist starts romantic relations with female sentrinal, they escape from messengers from another planet that want to take her back to her clan. FOREVER. As result it turns out that that there are TWO last of their kind, instead of one. And a lovely "happily ever after" on last page.

 

Just need to make some things clear. There is no ultimate enemy here. There are no gargantuan goals in it. It is just a pizza-slice of life...full of various toppings. Main character may have great powers, but they don't match his value system. At the end of the day, he is just an ambitionless guy, who just wants to live his life, to enjoy his job, have great time with friends and, eventually (maybe), start a family.

[skysweep 541]

Slice of life things are perfectly fine. But without the major antagonistic factions or individuals, there has to be situations that provide interest. People dont want to read of somepony's daily grind of getting coffee and going to work. 

 

What I would recommend is to use the story arc to try and show why he thinks that way. Why isnt his intent on using his powers to make a greater difference, or take that power for himself? Many people would use their powers for something. Its a bit iffy at the moment and would be an interesting thing to do.

 

His value system can be used against him. have some times where what is accepted is in contention with what he wants, and he has no ability to do anything about it, or has to make a decision. These sort of challenges test the character and help him grow. A flat character does not develop if he doesnt have a hard time. 

[Light Blade 8,673]

Slice of life things are perfectly fine. But without the major antagonistic factions or individuals, there has to be situations that provide interest. People dont want to read of somepony's daily grind of getting coffee and going to work. 

 

What I would recommend is to use the story arc to try and show why he thinks that way. Why isnt his intent on using his powers to make a greater difference, or take that power for himself? Many people would use their powers for something. Its a bit iffy at the moment and would be an interesting thing to do.

 

His value system can be used against him. have some times where what is accepted is in contention with what he wants, and he has no ability to do anything about it, or has to make a decision. These sort of challenges test the character and help him grow. A flat character does not develop if he doesnt have a hard time. 

 

Well, there will be antagonists, but it's not going to be the driving plot device. Whilst working on this part of storylines, i'm thinking about shows like Ghostbusters. There are no uberantagonists. It's just that main characters deal with enemy A on day 1, then with enemy B on day 2, and so on, except couple-o-episodes. 

 

We are talking about grinding that is full of action. For the most part.

 

Why not using his powers for greater good? Well, because he is a minimalist guy. He enjoyed just doing his job with his first team and it was joy back then. Also, there is a small bit of egoism in him. That's why he doesn't think about ABSOLUTELY everybody. And this will play a role in the story where his first team gets disbanded. And he is that kind of a guy, that avoids ways that lead to great responsibilities. Reason why he doesn't want to become something utterly great. Maybe it's just my wish to break some stereotypes like "great powers=great deeds=great responsibilities".

 

One of his driving mottos is "great abilities are useless, if they can't help you to follow your life ways"

 

There will be hard times, trust me. Like, for instance, make oneself understand that there are things that don't last forever. That you must learn to survive on your own, live apart from your family, whether or not it's blood-related or exists on heart-feelings.

 

By the way, could you please give me your feedback on what plan I've devised regarding his life (10 segments)? It's just that first 5 arcs are supposed to be rather dark (some of them slightly), while others are not so dark (maybe with the exception of #7.

 

P.S: by the way, are you familiar with Naruto? Because at the end of the day, he turned out to be pretty much overpowered guy, no? Although, he wanted to become hokage, but again: no stereotypes, trying to stay away from them!

Edited August 19, 2015 by Light Blade