Review my OC

[Guest]

My OC's page is in my signature.I feel like he's either overpowered or lacks backstory.... any ideas?

[Lunar Echo 10,335]

I think your OC looks awesome

[SFyr 1,982]

I think it's a fair suspicion in all honesty. I'm a little dubious about giving him such a strong control over other beings' magic, on top of what looks to be a strong grasp of offensive/defensive/support spells, and the ability to copy spells. I could buy his abilities being a bit unique compared to a unicorn, but I don't think the overall powerfulness of it should be much greater than one even in favorable circumstances, especially if he's still only 16.   If you have a unicorn who studied magic, and has many years of practice until they reach the age of 30, well I think they'd be more powerful than Enzo, but I'm not sure even then they could summon mana blades, create magical wings, or form storms (or whatever the unicorn equivalent is), but I suspect you might be gearing the world towards combat a little more, so maybe I'm wrong on that.

Either way, he strikes me as someone who ideally doesn't have a ton of power just yet, but can throw a wrench into key spells as needed to try to turn a fight in his favor (perhaps being a mix of magic and close-quarters combat is his niche, and he pushes opponents into this)--still, I think an all-out magic fight could ideally still turn against his favor if the opponent is more experienced/skilled.

 

Anyways, backstory, I guess I just don't know what went on with the grove thing.  Or how he came to practicing his control over magic and all that. Less a complaint, but more just wondering what helped him become what he is now.

 

Interesting idea overall though!  :grin2:

[Guest]

@@SFyr, 

He can only maintain a basic telekinesis spell and at most 1 magical blade normally.He can do this as his talent is manipulating mana to his favour, which includes making it solid.

 

As for taking control/the disruption of other's spells, you are kinda correct. He takes advantage of a unicorn concentrating on putting power into a spell instead of maintaining their connection to it, hence stealing/dispelling the spell, however, Enzo is incredibly weak and cannot do this without gathering power from an external source

 

His lore: Basically, the grove was kina sacred and protected and filled with magic. His family lived there for generations. Then a laser went stray during twilight's battle with tirek and blew it up. His family assumed he was the culprit due to his talent at using the natural magic saturated at the grove.

[joe mama 60]

@@SFyr, 

He can only maintain a basic telekinesis spell and at most 1 magical blade normally.He can do this as his talent is manipulating mana to his favour, which includes making it solid.

 

As for taking control/the disruption of other's spells, you are kinda correct. He takes advantage of a unicorn concentrating on putting power into a spell instead of maintaining their connection to it, hence stealing/dispelling the spell, however, Enzo is incredibly weak and cannot do this without gathering power from an external source

 

His lore: Basically, the grove was kina sacred and protected and filled with magic. His family lived there for generations. Then a laser went stray during twilight's battle with tirek and blew it up. His family assumed he was the culprit due to his talent at using the natural magic saturated at the grove.

That's awesome! My OC is supposed to be me so he really has no backstory. So you beat me! 

[SFyr 1,982]

@, I'm a little confused by this quote then? 

 

 

-When Enzo gathers enough mana from an external source, he favours creating magic wings out of mana for himself to gain the upper hand in battle. He also enjoys creating magical storms of raw mana and magically created projectiles to rain hell on his opponents.

Regardless of source, that's a pretty massive support and offensive ability. Flight can be a huge agility/mobility boon that allows one to avoid many attacks, and even attack from a range (if applicable) while also being really hard to hit.  It's a nightmare for close-range opponents and grounded archers. However, few opponents that can fly are highly powerful or magically inclined from what I've seen, unless they're alicorns or powerful monsters of some sort.

Meanwhile, magic has an impressive offensive capability when that's their specialization, but it is often balanced by the user not always being very mobile or defensive at close range. Those specializing in defense (like Shining Armor), to my knowledge don't have a strong set of offensive spells. So the ability to produce artillery strikes ("rain hell on opponents") or magic projectiles is huge, especially if you can augment mobility and stand as a strong elemental swordsman on top of it ("Khris, being the spirit of a unicorn, can enchant himself, setting himself on fire or chilling himself to temperatures akin to liquid nitrogen.").   So he's agile, powerful at long range, powerful at close range, and can guard against a lot of spells. That's... kinda my issue. He's good at a large area, and I'm not seeing where he's weak beyond being thrown into a non-nature-centered environment.

 

If it's mana drawn from another source, that doesn't always have to be a weakness. Fighting on favorable terrain, it's even a strength depending on his ability to make use of it. If playing for endurance, then he doesn't need to rely on his own internal magic pool as much, so what may exhaust an opponent, he would be a lot better off afterwards.
 

So when you say he's weak without gathering power from another source, like nature, that's not the same as saying he's weak. So... I guess whether or not he's a touch overpowered by normal means heavily depends on where the limit is in that.  Those who are highly versatile tend to pay the price of not being as powerful in any one single area. So, what would it take to overpower him? How skilled is he at using a blade (again, at only 16)? How skilled is he at mana manipulation, and how easy would it be to overpower a not-quite-adult unicorn mage of the same rough age with his ability?

 

 

I honestly do like people thinking outside the box with their characters. I really hope this whole bit doesn't leave any bad blood, or idea that I'm against your OC. I just am trying my best to address the "is he overpowered" sentiment you posed. 

[Guest]

@@SFyr,

 

Enzo's skills with a sword is limited, thus he relies more on his magic in combat. However, Khris is embodied by the spirit of a very old unicorn, and guides Enzo's telekinetic grip on him during battle.

 

Enzo's combat abilities is relies heavily on the terrain. It can roughly be divided into several levels.

 

1. Urban environment: 1 conjured sword ( he might as well  and Khris's abilities

2. Natural environment: Delicate wings, spell disruption with difficulty, some ( weak ) magical projectiles

3. Magically saturated environment ( Aka mirror pool ) : All spells unlocked, mana pool limited by source. His spells consume alot of mana, due to his limited control over his magic. 

 

The big nerf i placed on my oc is the fact that he cannot even cast the more advanced spells if the battle environment is not favourable

 

The main emphasis on my OC's fighting style is Khris and Enzo's teamwork and reliance on each other

 

On a side not, no bad blood between us. I'm surprised and honoured that you would take the time to analyse my oc this deeply. Thanks man

Edited September 10, 2015 by Guest

[Memory Lane 131]

Regarding Enzo...

 

1. So his special talent is essentially magic itself? Am I understanding that correctly? He can control the flow of magic so masterfully, he can even diffuse spells cast by others? If so... I confess, that does sound rather overpowered.

 

2. He can conjure himself some magic wings. I would consider discarding this ability entirely. Isn't it enough he's already superior to the average unicorn? If he wasn't already stretching his boundaries before, he'll surely cross the threshold if he had Pegasus like abilities as well. He's essentially an indirect Alicorn.

 

3. His backstory doesn't include how he became who he is today. There isn't a cutie mark story or anything explaining how he became so skilled with magic and swords. So... details there would be nice.

 

Regarding Khris...

 

1. Firstly, is Khris literally a Honedge? As in the Pokemon? Probably not, but you have an implied crossover there.

 

2. Khris was once a Unicorn who practiced Dark Magic in Ponyville before being chased away, escaping into the Everfree Forest, and accidentally binding his own soul to his own sword. That's all we know. Surely there's more to this story? What kind of life did he lead before all this? After all, no ordinary citizen would have access to Dark Magic in the whimsical land of Equestria.

 

3. This may be a personal thing... but I don't like how Khris can still use magic without his body. I'm not convinced one would retain their magical abilities after death.

Edited September 10, 2015 by Keyclipse

[SFyr 1,982]

@, I dunno, I might be having an issue with putting the two together and treating them as one unit/character.   Together, it just seems like they have all their bases covered. Enzo has magic, magic resistance, and possibly high mobility in favorable circumstances, while Khris basically makes him a skilled swordsman and augments his magical ability further.   ((I might need to remind myself I'm working with two characters rather than one, so it might make sense for me to be wrong when comparing the two to single opponents too much.))

The lines "The Spell fire represents raw magic/mana, and the wings symbolize Enzo's unrestricted ability to control magic ( being able to turn a spell back into raw mana, eg reducing a fireball spell back into the mana used to cast it." are pretty big to me, also. Hence why I wasn't quite sure what his limit is. If he can basically nullify the danger of offensive spells... that's huge for power. That's already grounds for a lower class mage-killer if paired with either melee or projectile capability, haha. I don't quite get the 'with difficulty' bit though.   Are you saying it's taxing for him but he can still manage it, or non-basic spells are beyond his ability to disrupt/reduce to mana if only given an instant or two?

 

Also, I kinda wanna rephrase what I was trying to say, haha. Being weak without the right source of power nearby isn't the same as being weak, it just means your power level is predictably conditional.   A large portion of Equestria seems to be wilderness, grasslands, and farming communities. Nature is everywhere in different amounts, and even then, to some extent he can just keep to 'safer' areas where he'll have the upper hand over most opponents.

But regardless: "The big nerf i placed on my oc is the fact that he cannot even cast the more advanced spells if the battle environment is not favourable".

When it's unfavorable, you in total have a very skilled swordsman with minor telekinesis, a blade that can be enchanted with elemental aspects, and pooossibly (?) still some ability to manipulate mana/guard against spellcraft being thrown at him. So still high melee dominance and possible (?) magic resistance. Still a powerful character duo.

When it is favorable, you have a very skilled swordsman with telekinesis, an elemental blade, flight/high agility, a weaker ranged attack that's magical in nature, and spell disruption. So that's a potentially common situation where he dominates a good deal of opponents in melee/speed, can dodge or disrupt offensive spells, and while not overly durable, he still is well off overall.

And in rare, but great circumstances, well just higher magic form of the previous. Though I don't get like... if his magic is limited to the source, and his spells consume a lot of mana (but not his own), what does that translate to?   Does he burn through the mirror pool's reserves, or does he just draw endlessly from nature, so that while it does consume a lot of mana, it's not really impacting his own energy any?

I think I'm with Keyclipse on possibly nixing the wings bit, as that's one of the major things that tips it over for me (and maybe the raining hell bit, but I guess that's a rare thing so it could be fine). That and keeping definitive barriers on how well/quickly he can control other's spells. He has melee and magic down quite well between Khris and Enzo respectively by the sound of it; giving him flight, which is high agility/movement, seems to just make him all-around powerful. Without it, he would still be a bit of a mage killer and quite powerful, but he would have a believable weakness to enemies that rely on high agility and skill (quick-footed pegasi?). And, nonmagical ranged attacks would be threatening.

 

Glad to hear man. I totally don't mean any of this badly. I just think I may come off overly critical when trying to pick apart characters a bit, haha.   It's honestly just because building up characters is fascinating to me, and I like questioning different aspects of them, and weighing them out.

Edited September 10, 2015 by SFyr

[Guest]

@, 

 

1.Not really magic itself, more of liberating magic from others and nature, so it just makes it easier for him to cast diffuse spells

2. Yeah.. the wings thing. I was thinking on the lines of twilight's wing spell. The wings seem delicate enough to burn out in the sunlifght and can easily be burnt off hot magic spells in combat

3.GOOD POINT

-

1. No, khris is not a honedge.I included a pokemon reference in my second piece of oc art, and he just stuck. I also like Honedge's design

2. When i wrote that, i wasn't talking about dark Dark magic, i was thinking more along the lines of taboo stuff such as sucking life from others and trapping souls.

3.Khris did'nt die. His soul still has his base mana.  His sword body lacks a horn, and thus cannot cast spells. He however, can use his magic within the sword to set the ssword on fire or chill it. Moreover, he cannot use his own telekinesis, but rather he links his mind closely to Enzo's and directs Enzo's telekinteic grip on him.

 

Thanks man, i'll take the points into my OC's description

 

 

@@SFyr,

 

 He's more of someone to protect an area than press the offence, which is why i limit his powers to his environment. ( i think i have a whole keeper of the grove thing going on ).

The wings will burn easily to the ambient heat of magic in combat. It takes alot of magic to cast them already, so, he wouldn't use use the wings in combat if the environment was only slightly in his favour

Also, my character's powers rely on them being a duo.

 

If we seperate them, we have a young unicorn with limited combat abilities and lifeless sword embedded in the ground. Even in favourable conditions for Enzo, he still needs Khris to guide his abilities and keep himself in control in battle, lest he slip into a battle 'high' and lose himself. He also relies on Khris for meelee range protection

 

 

I'm not sure how pony years work.. how old is twilight?

[Memory Lane 131]

1.Not really magic itself, more of liberating magic from others and nature, so it just makes it easier for him to cast diffuse spells

 

"Liberating" magic huh? Interesting word choice. I like the idea of there being a spell that diffuses focused magic. Just be sure its clear he can't simply drain magic belonging to a host like Tirek could. That's where it would become overpowered.

 

2. Yeah.. the wings thing. I was thinking on the lines of twilight's wing spell. The wings seem delicate enough to burn out in the sunlifght and can easily be burnt off hot magic spells in combat

 

Delicate like those butterfly wings? In that case what use are they in combat anyway? If anything, I'd imagine they would leave him more vulnerable than before.

 

1. No, khris is not a honedge.I included a pokemon reference in my second piece of oc art, and he just stuck. I also like Honedge's design

 

Honedge is cool, isn't it? Your still gonna be mistaken for a crossover, eh but whatever.

 

2. When i wrote that, i wasn't talking about dark Dark magic, i was thinking more along the lines of taboo stuff such as sucking life from others and trapping souls.

 

Sucking Life? Trapping Souls? How does that not count as Dark Magic? That sounds pretty dark and unholy to me.

 

3.Khris did'nt die. His soul still has his base mana.  His sword body lacks a horn, and thus cannot cast spells. He however, can use his magic within the sword to set the ssword on fire or chill it. Moreover, he cannot use his own telekinesis, but rather he links his mind closely to Enzo's and directs Enzo's telekinteic grip on him.

 

He didn't die? What? His soul isn't connected to his body... right? I'll buy the sword itself is enchanted, but come on there's no way his spirit carried over with any magic. It's a genetic thing.

 

Thanks man, i'll take the points into my OC's description

 

Anytime, my friend.

[Guest]

> agreed

 

> The strength of the wings depend on the amount of magic he puts in it, but cost alot of mana to cast. in combat, he can make them strong enough to fly around and weave through projectiles without being destroyed, however, he must sacrifice alot of mana

 

>Yep

 

>Dark magic is fueled by negative emotion ( such as sombras ). This is simply magic, except this magic is a more taboo, darker kind of magic.

 

>I'm not sure how this is supposed to work myself. Either he parasites on Enzo's magic or he keeps his magic but the magic he can cast is limited due to his lack of a horn.

 

>I think i'll use honedge's lore for this. After all, honedge is sword haunted by a spirit and can use elemental attacks such as shadow ball i think.

[Guest]

He's weak against characters that spam a flurry of spells rapid-fire like actually, and he doesn't have very good shield spells so.. yeah, ill add on to my character, thanks

Why does everyone assume i'm going to hate them for critisising my oc?