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Diamond Sky: Finding Home [In Progress]


Night Surfer
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Diamond Sky flew throught the night sky enjoying the silence and flying with the stars, her rainbow like mane and tail waved through the wind and she proudly flew through the air as fast as she could; She was one to enjoy the night sky and wouldn't trade it for the world, she loved being free without any restrictions which was why she left her old home and went out explore and plus she had heard of this marverlous pony named Rainbow Dash who was told to be the fastest pony in Equestria.

 

She sorta doughted that as she was trying to be the fastest but she didn't want to brag..yet and plus she wanted to make friends with the ponies of Ponyville as she had heard a lot of good stories about them, mostly from overhearing ponies talk about them which she loved to hear and listen to. Looking around she noticed a lone cloud and decided to land on it and take a break before continueing, she could tell she was almost to Ponyville.

 

After he little nap on the cloud she did her stretches and jumped off the cloud free falling before spreading out her wings and continued on her journey, she was glad that the weather hadn't changed much and it was cooling off outside as it grew darker; she didn't mind the darkness and in fact she enjoyed it as it gave her a thrill to fly among the stars and she often wished she could fly in space but alas that was a power she did not have the luxury of having.

 

A grin came upon her face as she decided to try something fun and always wanted to see how fast she was, perhaps then Rainbow Dash would take notice of her and want to be friends with her, arching her wings she flapped her wings and zoomed through the sky using her tail to help her go faster; this was something she also enjoyed doing and was good at too, she could see Ponyville now but she could also see a distant shape coming towards her at a quick pace... And she was not going to be able to stop in time, trying to slow down she flew into a dive and realized then that she was not going to be able to stop herself before hitting the ground, attemping too anyway she embraced herself for the impending pain but right before she hit the ground she felt something grab her and slowly landed her on legs which proceeded to collapse and she shakily stood up to look at her savior.

 

Her eyes grew wide as she looked at the one who saved her, it was her long time here Rainbow Dash. Excitedly she jumped up and circled her ignoring the annoyed look on Dash's face. "Oh my gosh, it is you! Oh my gosh, Rainbow I am like your biggest fan."

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Rainbow Dash could not believe this, one minute she was just zooming through the air and the next some new pony almost hits her before diving down. Rainbow would normally just keep going but considering it looked like she was going to hit the ground at full speed she decided to save her. Zooming down she flew under her and caught her before she hit the ground, and then set her down slowly before getting ready to take off again when she awoke and stood up shakily and began to circle Rainbow which she HATED, but this pony seemed to not know that and instead got all excited and tell her she was like her biggest fan.

 

Rainbow stood proudly and grinned but then frowned, "Thanks, I think. Who are you anyway? I was trying to beat my all time record and you ruined it!" She was always trying to beat her record but she failed this time due to this pony.

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Diamond Sky took this in stride as Rainbow got unto her as she was not one to get flustered by such a little thing, grinning she swished her tail before beginning to speak again. "Totally sorry about that Dash, I love to fly. What are you up to anyway?

Edited by Diamond Sky
  • Brohoof 1
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Thanks, added some more to it. :D It might turn out to be longer then what I was planning xD

 

That's ok, I don't mind long stories. Your introducing the character really well because it sounds just like what a fan of Ranbow would do and act like. Be interesting to see your impression of Rainbow Dash and how she reacts to this.
  • Brohoof 1
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The story seem alright so far but some of the sentences in the paragraph are a bit long and don't make sense and there is a few places you referred to Rainbow as "he". I've reworded the paragraph myself and can give it to you if your interested. I think I accidently sent it to you via a PM...

 

Also this could just be me but I am confused by as Rainbow got unto her

Unto means to, by or until and none of those make sense in that sentence.

 

There's also no need for your character to ask what Dash is up to as she already said what she was doing. Also as she is defending herself in that sentence it sounds better to have "I just love to fly".

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