I need help

[Princess-Dark-Melody 0]

I have my OC Dark Melody and I've only managed to do a basic drawing I her but I would like some help

I mean I would like help with drawing her. She has the crown like twilight but kill me if you think she looks like a Mary Sue.

[PacificGreen 1,163]

Whoa, there, no need to say "kill me". Unless you're joking.

 

Anyways, I don't really know much about what makes a good OC, but perhaps you could show us a picture of her, and maybe share her backstory.

[Tiny 55]

Whoa, there, no need to say "kill me". Unless you're joking.

 

   It's a pretty common figure of speech.

 

   What I can offer for advice is, start with a backstory first then a description and go from there. You should try to match your OC's colors to what kind of "universe" it is in (Meaning dark, happy go lucky, etc.) so if you want it to be a OC in a pretty kid-friendly environment try to keep from the darker colors and go for something more eye catching but not like neon. A good backstory is the best bet for starting your character.

[Jest (Inactive) 875]

I have my OC Dark Melody and I've only managed to do a basic drawing I her but I would like some help

I mean I would like help with drawing her. She has the crown like twilight but kill me if you think she looks like a Mary Sue.

 

No one can help you at all if you give no form of reference. 

[PacificGreen 1,163]

   It's a pretty common figure of speech.

Yeah, I had a feeling OP didn't really mean that. But some people say pretty ominous things on the internet, so I just wanted to be sure.

Edited March 24, 2016 by PacificGreen

[Princess-Dark-Melody 0]

A princess was born without a name. She had a pure white coat with light grey main and tail with dark pink, purple, blue, torquiest, green and yellow streaks. They called her Light Child but as she grew older they started to hear her sing. Soon enough her named changed to Light Melody and was crowned princess of the supernaturals, who were an ancient race of ponies. Each pony had a gift they could use o help or to destroy. Melody had the gift of the voice and soon enough, her cutie mark appeared. A dark pink quaver with a musical scale in the background and a magenta star (like twilights crown) at the bottom right hand corner.

She became best friends with Princess Celestia and as soon as possible, she moved into the old canter lot castle. Helping Luna watch the heavens and Celestia with daily royal routine.

One day, a mysterious pony came into being one of Celestia's royal guard an started to flirt with the young and foolish Melody. They soon wen to to a relationship only making Celestia and Luna even more concerned so to make Melody brake off the relationship, Celestia crowned Light Melody (with a crown similar to Twilights but silver with a magenta star) the princess of the light and the supernatural but that only made the colt more hungry for the wealth and the power of Princess Light Melody. Luna overheard the colt talk about the wealth and the power to his friends, not once did he talk about Melody

One day Celestia, with Luna at her side, confronted Melody, telling her what her (now fiancé) was up too making her sad and angry. She went to her fiancé and told him about everything. About how he played her, about how she ever trusted him and in doing so she broke of the engagement, vowing to never fall in love again. When she got to her chambers she looked in the mirror and gasped in horror. Her white mane and tail turned black and her grey coat turned into dark grey. She wept and never came out of her chambers until Celestia and Luna came in to comfort the young alicorn. Celestia asked her if she can stay but Melody told her no. She was no longer the light in the darkness, she was the darkness in the light and changed her name to Dark Melody and fled to her home country that was pillaged by a craze of monsters. When she got there she saw Pheonix Wings, her old friend who betrayed Celestia, Queen Chrysalis, Queen Sombrina (sister of Sombra), Diascordia (sister to discord) and the Nightmare fighting off the monsters. All six queens and princesses joined forces and created the realm of disparity that connected all their homes and towns and countries together and like the elements of harmony they created the elements of disharmony and they rejoiced in the havoc they created.

That was until Luna was banished, King Sombra was set in ice crystal and Discord placed in stone. The now Queens of Disharmony took revenge on Celestia by wrecking the city in which she lived in.

[Jest (Inactive) 875]

Where to start on this.. well you wanted help and I always say that truthful criticism is the best so you can develop more in the future, so please don't take this as a personal attack.

 

Design

 

1. The white coat with the grey mane sounds like it would work well, but talking about all the streaks in the tail / mane, it just sounds like to much, less colour is better alot of the time.
2. Alicorn. People tend to have a negative reaction to Alicorn's without a good backing story and feel hesitant sometimes to let them into roleplay's, as long as you are aware of that, but remember it is always your OC so you can do what you want with it.

 

Backstory

 

I am sorry to say but this is probably the worse part, there are some interesting ideas like:

 

• The name is decent
• Her talent isn't over powered
• The cuite mark sounds simple but effective

The problems for me personally are: 

 

• There are so many OC's who claim to be royalty and just ''hand out'' with Celestia, this makes them seem Mary sue and unrealistic
• You haven't said why she is a princess, her heritage or any idea who she is.
• No reason or build up to why she would be crowned, again leads to a Mary sue feeling.
• Her transforming from Light to dark makes sense, but then it for no reason jumps into ''crazed monsters'' attacking her homeland, betrayal, the sisters of the main villains (who don't exist) 
• Elements of disharmony? ...
• No explanation as to why they suddenly hate Celestia and wrecking havoc where she lived
• All this happened because she broke up with someone? 

Those points combined with the way that it is written, not so great grammar / spelling and overall it seems like a lot is stuffed into a small amount. The design of the character sounds okay, but the backstory needs alot of work in my opinion

 

Hopefully this helped a little!