Original Character V.3 Feedback Wanted

[Bernard 4]

I HAVE A LOT TO CHANGE ;-; THANKS FOR FEEDBACK. I'M PRETTY MUCH GOING TO START OVER SO NO NEED TO RESPOND. YOU CAN IF YOU WANT I GUESS.

To those who would like to see them here are V.1 (which I made a post about) and V.2 (which I skipped making a post about).

V.1 http://i.imgur.com/yOqG78B.jpg

V.2 http://i.imgur.com/uG1PTKO.jpg

So I'm back with an update for anyone who cares, *cough* @ambergerr *cough* . (Wanted to see colored version)

Anyways I've made some updates. Any and all constructive feedback is wanted. Feel free to compare it to previous versions and just let me know what you think. (NOTE: Eyes not done and cutiemark may change. Jacket yet to be added as well.)

V.3 http://i.imgur.com/MXYklRm.png

 

Note: No that totally isn't a watermark that I added.  :-P

I've updated some info about her as well. I'd like feedback about her info aswell

Name: Sugar Rush /OR/ Something New? :3

Race: Alicorn

Backstory (Rough Draft ;3) (Will build upon & improve): Sugar Rush (name for now) spends her time in the small town of Ponyville. She grew up not knowing who her real parents were. The only family she knows is Candy (Step mother. name for now). Candy has always been there for her and raised her for as long as she could remember. For an unexplained reason SR is an alicorn. Candy, knowing just what being an alicorn means, advises against SR going out often. It could cause unwanted attention. SR, being the adventure loving pony she is, doesn't listen. She often went out to explore but always remembers to wear a jacket to hide her wings. (End for now. May change who knows )

Color Scheme: Her mane is blue and pink representing candy. Her coat is a lighter blue similar to rainbow dash's coat.

Cutie Mark: For now it is a piece of candy. I realized that cutie marks are usually representations of a pony's personality and destiny in life. This makes me want to change her cutie mark to something new. I don't think a piece of candy really represents the type of personality I'm aiming for her to have. She is going to be smart but fun. She's going to love being active and loves to play. She will be mischievous like RD and Pinky. Overall fun personality. That's where the name Sugar Rush comes in. The name kind of represents being active or hyper.  

Plans: Alot 

Edited July 7, 2016 by Bernard

[Zibanti 28]

...well, first off, since you seem unsure of her Cutie Mark, and since it doesn't really sound like she has been able to explore who she really is (... with having to hide that she's an alicorn, and not knowing who her parents are...) you could probably just make her a Blank Flank.

 

Second, I'd try to move away from that particular coat color. When paired with that "carefully messy" mane and tail, she just looks like a RD knockoff...

Edited July 7, 2016 by Zibanti

[Bernard 4]

...well, first off, since you seem unsure of her Cutie Mark, and since it doesn't really sound like she has been able to explore who she really is (... with having to hide that she's an alicorn, and not knowing who her parents are...) you could probably just make her a Blank Flank.

Good idea but I think I have an idea of what I can do with her cutie mark. It will have something to do with adventure or something. I'll probably have her get it while she was a child with Candy on a rode trip or something.

[Zibanti 28]

...and for some good overall tips, check out Tyandaga on YouTube. he does great OC creation videos.

 

https://m.youtube.com/#/channel/UCCz6EcGvWIgVPN1pJjcNlMA

[Love Doctor Blaze 536]

Why hello there.

 

So, looks like you are in the OC planning phase and need some feedback which i will gladly provide!

 

First things first, i have created an OC guide for RP's. Link: https://mlpforums.com/topic/149970-make-your-ocs-better-suited-for-rps/

 

You can check that out if you are making this character for a roleplay or just want some general advice for OC making.

 

Now, back to your OC. A good thing to add is a personality. A personality makes all the difference when you are looking at a character. While i do realize that you have that added in the cutiemark section, i believe that you should make one for personality for itself.

 

Moving on to her design. Pink and blue are very happy colors indeed But as @@Zibanti, Mentioned, her scheme reminds me a lot of rainbow dash and pinkie pie mixed up, especially with the personalities and such.

 

Now a question that i have for you is: Why Alicorn? (Not in a negative sense! Just curious )

 

Alicorns are EXTREMELY hard to design properly, without people going ape shit, since they are pretty strong and basically royalty. 

 

As for your backstory... It is pretty lack luster. I realize that it is a rough draft as well, but there is really nothing to it. You don't go "Oh wow! That was pretty interesting!" Or anything like that, which is fine. But when your character is an ALICORN, that's when you need to spice it up a bit. Like an interesting reason as to why she is one.

 

I can't help too much with the cutiemark, since i'm not too good at designing those. But a good idea is to find things that associate with your characters personality and passions, and then combine them.

 

I hope that my little review helped a bit, and looking forward to improvements. Also, you can ask me for help anytime, and i'll make sure to respond ASAP since i love designing characters

[Bernard 4]

Why hello there.

 

So, looks like you are in the OC planning phase and need some feedback which i will gladly provide!

 

First things first, i have created an OC guide for RP's. Link: https://mlpforums.com/topic/149970-make-your-ocs-better-suited-for-rps/

 

You can check that out if you are making this character for a roleplay or just want some general advice for OC making.

 

Now, back to your OC. A good thing to add is a personality. A personality makes all the difference when you are looking at a character. While i do realize that you have that added in the cutiemark section, i believe that you should make one for personality for itself.

 

Moving on to her design. Pink and blue are very happy colors indeed But as @@Zibanti, Mentioned, her scheme reminds me a lot of rainbow dash and pinkie pie mixed up, especially with the personalities and such.

 

Now a question that i have for you is: Why Alicorn? (Not in a negative sense! Just curious )

 

Alicorns are EXTREMELY hard to design properly, without people going ape shit, since they are pretty strong and basically royalty. 

 

As for your backstory... It is pretty lack luster. I realize that it is a rough draft as well, but there is really nothing to it. You don't go "Oh wow! That was pretty interesting!" Or anything like that, which is fine. But when your character is an ALICORN, that's when you need to spice it up a bit. Like an interesting reason as to why she is one.

 

I can't help too much with the cutiemark, since i'm not too good at designing those. But a good idea is to find things that associate with your characters personality and passions, and then combine them.

 

I hope that my little review helped a bit, and looking forward to improvements. Also, you can ask me for help anytime, and i'll make sure to respond ASAP since i love designing characters

Amazing. Lot a good points. I chose alicorn cause I like alicorns I guess. I will expand on the backstory when I feel I have her design down good. Thanks for the feedback.

[ambergerr 77]

Hello, again! 

That was fast! Great job on fixing that long body and short neck -- it looks much better, now! 

Alrighty, on to the colors! The scheme definitely reminds me of candy, so that's good, but like @Zibanti said, she is reminiscent of Rainbow Dash and Pinkie. If you want to stay with the colors maybe try moving them around and trying different shades of them -- maybe make her body the pink or the darker blue and so on. I don't know much about making OCs 'cause I only have one and she's basically me, lol, but it took a long time before I was really satisfied with her design, and she went through many colors in the process. The cutie mark was the very last thing I did, and that changed a few times, too. XD

 

For the backstory, I know you're working on it and it's very rough so here's just a lil feedback! I still like the jacket, and the idea that she has it to cover her wings is a nice touch. As for not knowing why she's an alicorn, I think it's fine for her not to know why, but it might be more interesting if the viewer or even another pony, maybe Candy, knows where she came from. Mysteries are fun but they're even more fun when some know the answer.    So yeah! Looking forward to seeing you continue to revise! ^^