Why are you single?

[Starlight Serenade 3,500]

1 hour ago, Clawdeen said:

Yeah the people with just their social media in their bio give me vibes of people just wanting to accumulate followers on that platform. Apps originally started out well as people originally used them to meet others. But over time they've just turned into a cesspool especially with how much they charge people for premium. I've never paid for them but the people I've spoken to that have had said the same thing. It's overly expensive and not worth it.  

 I also think it's a sad state of dating we're in. I don't ever remember the standard being so high in regards to looks as it is now. I've seen people really put themselves into debt trying to keep up with todays standards all in hopes that someone might love them. Botox, fillers, lip fillers, high dollar skincare, etc. It's all expensive. Doesn't help with influencers pushing it so hard now. Some of these skincare brands being pushed aren't very good. I used one brand a few months ago and it destroyed my skin barrier to the point everything made my face burn. It itched horribly. Even water. My face couldn't even handle water from a shower. Red spots appearing immediately after anything touched my face. It took me two months to heal my face. I'm now able to put stuff on my face again and not have it burn/itch horribly. 

I had a friend message me saying she was going to buy this high dollar perfume (like 300 bucks) just to impress some guy when she's struggling with money. I'm like girl why are you spending so much just to impress someone, not only that most of these high dollar perfumes have cheaper dupes made out there. She's like because X, y and Z say you need to do this, this and this in todays dating scene. I've been sent a lot of insane stuff with a lot of views and likes. I think majority of the people following a lot of this bad advice are going to end up sad and alone. If you need to pay $700 per side of your face for fillers just to get someone to go on a date with you...I think that says a lot about the sort of person they are and how you're going to be treated by them. It doesn't really scream loving relationship if that's what you have to do to get them to "love" you.

Totally agree with you there. I think social media was a great concept at first, but then businesses had to get greedy and they started to manipulate the horrible trends that people see nowadays to focus on profits.

I recall knowing people who paid for the premium versions of those apps for years that never ended up meeting anyone, it was depressing. Societal pressures to conform to unrealistic beauty standards is sad.

The desperate and extreme financial lengths that people go to impress a potential partner is alarming. I have been catfished before with all these filters that people use. I recall going on dates with women who completely altered their looks from their photos. In some cases, they had layers of makeup on where the color of the skin on their neck and face were completely different colors and/or hues. Even the waitresses at the restaurant were gawking at them.

You are absolutely right that if someone needs you to dramatically change your appearance or spend ridiculous amounts of money to get someone's attention, it's not a healthy and loving relationship. oh wow! I'm really sorry to hear about your skincare mishap. I hope your skin has fully recovered by now.

I have learned over the years that focusing on personal growth, self-love, and the pursuit of genuine connections with others is much more valuable than chasing some terrible trends.

It's definitely a great idea that you are prioritizing your well being and being authentic with yourself. It's a very positive outlook in the long run. That's an admirable quality to have.

I hope you will eventually find someone who also shares the same grounded perspective as you have.

I hope you and your kitten are doing well and that you are finding joy in the more meaningful aspects of life

 

 

 

Edited December 23, 2024 by Starlight Serenade
first sentence, darling.

[Winter Storm 250]

On 2024-12-22 at 7:30 PM, Starlight Serenade said:

What I have learned over time is that connecting with people over shared interests is key. Whenever you ask people about their favorite hobbies and likes during interactions, you may also learn what they dislike. However, not everyone will want to engage deeply with you and that's okay. Do not take it personally. Some times people are busy or not in the mood for certain conversations.

I used to be much more open to discussions, but I'm currently reorganizing my life and focusing on people whom I feel that I have genuine connections with in my personal messages.

I found out over time that the more I interact with others with genuine passion and curiosity that the more meaningful conversations I make. In due time, you will be able to distinguish between potential friends and people who are just casual acquaintances. Essentially be patient, authentic, and open when interacting with others, and I truly believe that you will make friends. Don't give up.

I strongly agree with you about shared interests, and I don't think it could ever work out for someone like me without such shared interests. But it feels impossible to meet anyone of the opposite gender who shares them, let alone any who are single and would actually like me. How can it not leave one feeling hopeless? The odds are awful and I'm only getting older. I only ever manage a few awkward conversations a year with such strangers in-person, and it makes me feel awful about myself. Online I hardly seem better at making conversation. I dare not suggest anything that would even approach the idea of going on a date.

[Starlight Serenade 3,500]

6 hours ago, Winter Storm said:

I strongly agree with you about shared interests, and I don't think it could ever work out for someone like me without such shared interests. But it feels impossible to meet anyone of the opposite gender who shares them, let alone any who are single and would actually like me. How can it not leave one feeling hopeless? The odds are awful and I'm only getting older. I only ever manage a few awkward conversations a year with such strangers in-person, and it makes me feel awful about myself. Online I hardly seem better at making conversation. I dare not suggest anything that would even approach the idea of going on a date.

I understand that feeling. I thought things were impossible for me too when I was a teenager until I decided to make several steps to improve myself, which led me to some relationships back then.

You also have to be very persistent. You cannot just experience failure once or twice and call it a day. You are not the only one who goes through such feelings, so you have to pick yourself up and keep pushing forward.

If these issues persist, have you considered trying therapy or counseling to work on your social anxiety?

Learn from those conversations and go out there and try to manage new conversations. Perhaps try practicing conversation skills with friends or in low pressure situations such as small talk in public. Some people don't like having small talk, but you'll be surprised to see what kind of conversations you can have with some people. This has led me to some interesting friendships.

Find local clubs or events near you that host hobbies/interests that you like. There you can meet more people that will enjoy the same interests as you. Not everyone will enjoy every single thing that you do, some people think they have to find a partner that likes exactly everything they do and that ends up going badly as we are all unique.

As for online dating/meeting people via apps, it's not for everyone. What works for someone else may not work for you and you have to figure out through trial and error, what works best for you. But a part of that is going out there and trying different things.

You will go through trial and error and have discouraging moments, but that's what it means to achieve your goals. Not everything is perfect and things will be hard, but if everything was easy, then the value of achievement is gone.

[Snoopy Fan 1,595]

I’m not daring enough to go on a date

[Clawdeen 15,500]

It’s because I’ve stolen the soul of everyone who’s ever went on a date with me and added it to my collection. Got em in nice little jars on my shelf. My cats broken a few but….im sure they’re fine