Becoming Luna(Original Song =^_^=)

[Striksette 70]

Soo. Me singing, on YouTube, a little song off of the "Nightmare Night" episode. It's nothing amazing, but I did write it(that's probably why it's nothing amazing...), but anyways: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPi4w6nrzOo&feature=plcp

[Finesthour 7,287]

My Critique:

(Be warned, this is my first critique outside of my normal written and handmade works, so I'll try my best to get used to this.)

• Your singing is very crisp, and on key for much of the song. At some points it gets too high pitch for the style you are trying to put out.
• Your lyrics don't really go with the beat of the song.
• At some points your voice drops to a low beat (Around 1:20 to be exact) that sounds very odd. Don't know what you did there.
• You should experiment with your voice more. Keeping it at the same pitch the entire song is honestly boring. Good songs are able to have a high and low point, with a medium in between. Your song is medium to low. There is no high point to get us really into the song. That is why singers usually get very loud at some points, to get our veins going as we're into the song, then they slowly take us down to a low, then the song ends.

• I can barely hear the lyrics over the guitar. Try to record the music first, then editing it in on a system like Audacity. It could really help.

I dunno if you will take this as a positive or not, but you remind me of Taylor Swift. Something about you.. just says her.

Don't ask why I know what she sounds like.

A very decent song, but it could be improved. As of now, I will give it a-

 

3.5/5

[Striksette 70]

My Critique:

(Be warned, this is my first critique outside of my normal written and handmade works, so I'll try my best to get used to this.)

• Your singing is very crisp, and on key for much of the song. At some points it gets too high pitch for the style you are trying to put out.
• Your lyrics don't really go with the beat of the song.
• At some points your voice drops to a low beat (Around 1:20 to be exact) that sounds very odd. Don't know what you did there.
• You should experiment with your voice more. Keeping it at the same pitch the entire song is honestly boring. Good songs are able to have a high and low point, with a medium in between. Your song is medium to low. There is no high point to get us really into the song. That is why singers usually get very loud at some points, to get our veins going as we're into the song, then they slowly take us down to a low, then the song ends.

• I can barely hear the lyrics over the guitar. Try to record the music first, then editing it in on a system like Audacity. It could really help.

I dunno if you will take this as a positive or not, but you remind me of Taylor Swift. Something about you.. just says her.

Don't ask why I know what she sounds like.

A very decent song, but it could be improved. As of now, I will give it a-

 

3.5/5

 

Thanks! I'm always learning, and I'm extremely inexperienced- this is super helpful! Thanks a ton.

[Ezynell 2,037]

I really like it actually! Especially for someone only 12, you have amazing potential, and I can't believe your ability to already write your own music. If you keep going and play around with some software, I can see you rising toward mandopony.

[Striksette 70]

I really like it actually! Especially for someone only 12, you have amazing potential, and I can't believe your ability to already write your own music. If you keep going and play around with some software, I can see you rising toward mandopony.

 

Thanks so much! I actually just downloaded an app called Music Studio, so things should be of much higher quality in the future!

[Raspberry32 226]

Especially for someone only 12

 

What!?!? She is 12 and she can sing that good? My dad always told me that anybody can at least carry a tune, but had to wait for their voice to "fully develop". Well, I can honestly say that it hasn't been much help to me.

• She can sing (really flippin' good. Not even joking, her singing that started about 0:55 brought a smile to my face.)
• She can play guitar
• She can sing and play guitar at the same time (which I still struggle with from time to time)

Seriously, I think I might have myself tested for some sort of illness that doesn't allow me to do these things so well.

 

As for the song, I am not going to say anything bad about it. Mostly because I couldn't find much wrong with it, and I know I couldn't do any better. I appreciate your efforts, as everyone else should, to write this.

 

Congratulations on a song well written, and I hope you write more.

 

(P.S - Considering you wrote this yourself, and it is really good, you should totally give me some tips on writing music. I try, and I fail.)

Edited July 15, 2012 by Raspberry32

[MVC NVMXD JVRXD 2,406]

Being a huge metal guitar buff, I have to point out your guitar flaws

Your picking style is sloppy. You shouldn't use your arm when picking. And if you do, though you shouldn't, keep your wrist still. That will keep picking less jumbled. And your intro riff... While it still is in 4/4 like the rest of the song, your progression (I think it's something like 2 dotted quarter notes and a quarter note) sounds kind of bland compared to the rest of the song. Try to add some palm muting in there.

But your voice! I like it! It really compliments some of your instrumentation.

All in all, this isn't a bad song. Nice work!

[Striksette 70]

What!?!? She is 12 and she can sing that good? My dad always told me that anybody can at least carry a tune, but had to wait for their voice to "fully develop". Well, I can honestly say that it hasn't been much help to me.

• She can sing (really flippin' good. Not even joking, her singing that started about 0:55 brought a smile to my face.)
• She can play guitar
• She can sing and play guitar at the same time (which I still struggle with from time to time)

Seriously, I think I might have myself tested for some sort of illness that doesn't allow me to do these things so well.

 

As for the song, I am not going to say anything bad about it. Mostly because I couldn't find much wrong with it, and I know I couldn't do any better. I appreciate your efforts, as everyone else should, to write this.

 

Congratulations on a song well written, and I hope you write more.

 

(P.S - Considering you wrote this yourself, and it is really good, you should totally give me some tips on writing music. I try, and I fail.)

 

I didn't know people through a computer screen could make me blush. Thank you much, and I'd love to help you!

 

Being a huge metal guitar buff, I have to point out your guitar flaws

Your picking style is sloppy. You shouldn't use your arm when picking. And if you do, though you shouldn't, keep your wrist still. That will keep picking less jumbled. And your intro riff... While it still is in 4/4 like the rest of the song, your progression (I think it's something like 2 dotted quarter notes and a quarter note) sounds kind of bland compared to the rest of the song. Try to add some palm muting in there.

But your voice! I like it! It really compliments some of your instrumentation.

All in all, this isn't a bad song. Nice work!

 

Thanks for the tips- I usually have a lot more trouble writing lyrics than guitar chords, so I was focusing on that... I'll be sure to think more of the chords and my picking!

[Raspberry32 226]

I didn't know people through a computer screen could make me blush. Thank you much, and I'd love to help you!

 

Really? Wow, I didn't think you would say yes... anyways, yea, if you want to either send me an inbox to start off, that'd be great. Or if you want to just discuss it in here, that would also be fine. Whichever you prefer.

[WiponCat 54]

Summary: Great! You have a great voice and you did a splendid job writing the hole thing yourself. You managed to write it in a way that makes it intresting and progressive through the entire thing. The guitar is very plain, but then again this is a typical acoustic singer-songwriter song. So, well keep it up! I hope you get a chance to get it recorded with proper equipment sometime:) The singing is on pitch all along and that voice.. - you've got that indie sound I love so much to hear

 

I see other people commenting on the syllables not matching to the song - well, sometimes It's a bit off. I you find that the syllables don't match to the notes, try to add some soul to it and you'll sort it straight out (which you're sort of already doing)

[Revandose 39]

No advice here really, just wanted to tell you I sincerely enjoyed the song all the way through! You are a very talented young mare and if you keep at it, you are sure to find great success in your craft

[Striksette 70]

Summary: Great! You have a great voice and you did a splendid job writing the hole thing yourself. You managed to write it in a way that makes it intresting and progressive through the entire thing. The guitar is very plain, but then again this is a typical acoustic singer-songwriter song. So, well keep it up! I hope you get a chance to get it recorded with proper equipment sometime:) The singing is on pitch all along and that voice.. - you've got that indie sound I love so much to hear

 

I see other people commenting on the syllables not matching to the song - well, sometimes It's a bit off. I you find that the syllables don't match to the notes, try to add some soul to it and you'll sort it straight out (which you're sort of already doing)

 

My dad has played indie music around me since I was really small. I didn't realize it rubbed off on my voice! XD

 

Really? Wow, I didn't think you would say yes... anyways, yea, if you want to either send me an inbox to start off, that'd be great. Or if you want to just discuss it in here, that would also be fine. Whichever you prefer.

 

Sure, I'll send you a message!

 

No advice here really, just wanted to tell you I sincerely enjoyed the song all the way through! You are a very talented young mare and if you keep at it, you are sure to find great success in your craft

 

Thank you!