writing Yellowness

[GEROMY 41]

The Crossing

 

 

 

I don't exactly know what to do anymore. Whether it be my goals in life, or simply what to do while I wait for my parents to plug in the router. At times, I feel angry with myself, the way I am, but then I realize I can't change that. I can't change who I am, and neither can anybody else. That's something worth fighting for.

 

Speaking of fighting, my fight with my desire to sleep was raging on. I wanted to close my eyes and just snooze, but something told me to keep going, to stay awake. I don't know why, but I listened to it. I wasn't going to sleep yet.

 

I brushed my dreary brown bangs out of my eyes and did a hair flip. I sighed, and I once again forced my eyelids open. I brushed the sleep out of my brown eyes, and focused.

 

I opened up my laptop and turned it on. I punched in my rather long password and waited. My stupid laptop took forever to do anything, and asking it to play games was like asking me to do chores: I'll do it, but I won't do a good job, nor will I do it quickly.

 

Finally, my desktop appeared, and I smiled at the retarded face blown up to serve as my wallpaper. After clicking my music file, I began to play Houdini by Foster the People.

 

I relaxed again, and pondered on what to do next. I had to keep myself occupied or I'd fall asleep.

 

To be honest, I was sort of thirsty... But, my mother was sleeping on the couch tonight. She does that whenever my stepfather is away working. I don't know why she does, but she does. Is she afraid to be in her room alone? Does she hate sleeping there, but she does so just to please my stepfather?

 

I growled. I actually considered the latter possibility. Whatever keeps his mouth shut. Already, a feeling of dread filled my body as I remembered he'd be home in a few days. He'd bring home McD's, a pay cheque, and stress. Tons and tons of stress. He'd imbue me with more bad feelings, about how I don't do anything right, or how I'm weak or lazy.

 

I shook my head. I hated dwelling on my thoughts. I have a bad habit of doing so, actually. People say I'm introspective, and to be honest I really like and hate it. I always need to overthink everything, and things can really live inside my mind, like repressed memories and dark secrets. Those things will forever haunt me, randomly popping into my head to give me a jolt of emotional pain.

 

But, then again, with this kind of mind, I can live forever in MY world. In my world, everything is just... amazing. Everybody is accepted for who they are, everybody is nice to one another, and--

 

I sighed. That's never going to be a reality, and I'd best get used to it. I can't live in my head, I shouldn't even live in it the way I am as it is. I'm really forgetful because of it, and things just seems to go in through one ear and out the other.

 

My mouth was dry, and I was longing Sunny D. I could stand it no longer. I HAD to get something to drink. I'd have to be stealthy, though. If I wake up my mother, then all hope is lost.

 

I took a deep breath, and slid off of my bottom bunk and brought myself to my feet. As I entered the hallway, I didn't hear my mother snoring. She didn't usually snore anyway, but I wasn't sure if she was awake or not.

 

I cursed. I had to empty my bladder. If I didn't get it out now, then I'd be forced to hold it all night.

 

I held my breath as I opened the bathroom door carefully. A loud creak sounded, and I glared at the rebel hinges that had betrayed me. I closed the door as silently as one could, and tiptoed over toward the toilet.

 

I had quickly finished, and I then proceeded to wash my hands. After I had finished cleaning my hands and making them smell pretty, I opened the door and peaked my head out of it. So far, so good.

 

I crept along the living room floor, holding my breath as I passed the couch. The fridge was just a few steps away.

 

After many agonizingly suspenseful moments, I was opening the fridge. I excitedly gripped the Sunny D bottle, and froze as I heard my mother move around. She had heard me. I was doomed. Done for. History. I raised an eyebrow as I heard her growl like a bear.

 

Fitting.

 

I continued to stay still, and I then realized she must have only moved in her sleep... That, or she DID hear me, but was just ignoring me. I prayed it was the former.

 

After pouring myself a tall glass of Sunny D, I had spotted some white bread in a plastic bag. I smiled as I snatched up five slices, shoving one into my mouth. I loved eating bread without anything spread on it. It tasted so natural, and it felt so comfy and filling.

 

I happily ate another slice, and carried the remaining three and the glass of Sunny D into my room.

 

I plopped back onto my bed, and changed the song to Pumped Up Kicks. Lately, I've been listening to a lot of Foster the People. I loved that band. I loved the music, the lyrics, the singing, everything.

 

I peered at the clock on my laptop. 2:07am.

 

I scowled as I felt sleep try to take hold of me again. I had to stay awake. I had to.

 

I clicked open my desktop and scanned my games library. There wasn't really anything worth playing, it all seemed too boring. Then again, I suppose that's what sleep does to you.

 

I quickly grew tired of Pumped Up Kicks and started playing one of my favorite Beatles track. That song was probably my favorite by my favorite band. It was a love song, but in my opinion their best.

 

I began to feel a cold wave of sadness. Love. Something I'll never really get to experience. I peered at my weak, shrimpy stature. No woman would like this, but heck, I didn't need any of that, nor did I care about it. I'm perfect the way I am, and I don't need a girl to make me realize that.

 

Still... I can't help but feel those feelings towards somebody.

 

I opened up a writing program and tried to think of a story I could write. Anything to keep my mind from drifting into the bad side of my head. But, nothing came to mind. The more I forced my brain to work, the more the bad thoughts kept pounding at my psyche.

 

I withdrew myself from my thoughts, trying my hardest not to think about all of those things. I needed sleep. Badly. But I can't sleep... I don't know why, but I just can't! I have to stay awake! I have to! I just... I just do!

 

I began to breathe heavily, and I started to grow angry. I wanted those bad memories to stop, to go away, but they continued to harass me. They were all shoving a painful fact in my face, a painful truth.

 

I sprawled onto my mattress, and closed my eyes. Sleep... it beckons me. I started to take slow, timed breaths. My breathing... it felt therapeutic. The darkness... The...

 

I jolted upright. I had almost fallen asleep. I had to stay focused. I had to keep awake.

 

“I don't know why you're doing this to yourself.”

 

I turned to my left to see what had made me question my sanity. I blinked, but it was still there. I started to scream, but a black hand had clamped my mouth shut.

 

“If you scream, you'll wake up your mother. Is that what you want?”

 

I tore its hand from my mouth and began to scream again, but it was gone.

 

Sweat was pouring down my face. It... It was a giant popsicle, the size of me... It was a bright yellow, and had long, skinny black arms that looked like it would be from a cartoon character. What was wrong with me!?

 

“Nothing's wrong with you. Well... not in THAT sense, anyway.”

 

I turned to see that it had reappeared. The giant, yellow popsicle was back!

 

“You're never going to get what you want.”

 

I was taken back by that.

 

“Don't bother being offended. You know this is for your own good. I mean... you're letting this happen, so you obviously want it to be better. You KNOW what you want, but you also know that you're NEVER, EVER going to get it.”

 

I gritted my teeth. I didn't know what it was talking about, and I didn't know why it was here, but I wanted it gone.

 

“You know exactly what I'm talking about. Don't be afraid of your desires. They will consume you, along with all of your other nasty thoughts and memories. Think about it.”

 

After it had finished talking, it had left. Gone. I felt where it had been for popsicle juice, to see if it had left anything behind. My bedsheet was dry. It... it was like it wasn't even there...!

 

Of course it wasn't there! What was I even saying? That isn't real! It can't be real!

 

I angrily ran my fingers through my hair. What was happening to me? Why am I imagining giant frozen juice on a stick? And... What was it saying? I know what I want, but I'm never going to get it?

 

I smirked. If I knew what I wanted, then I wouldn't be questioning this.

 

What am I doing!? It wasn't even real! It didn't happen! It's not real! It's not real, it's not real!

 

I gulped. What if... what if I DID know what I wanted, but I was too afraid to admit it, or think about it? What if I DID think about it, and it came back? What if...

 

“What if what?”

 

I yelped as I saw it reappear beside me once again.

 

“Come inside.”

 

I was perplexed. I didn't know what it meant at all.

 

Suddenly, its eyes seemed to... blacken. They lost their life, as if the popsicle's inner light just flickered out. After a few seconds, its mouth slowly opened, wide, revealing nothing but oblivion. The popsicle began to cry, and before I could even ponder any of this any longer, I was shrinking, smaller and smaller by the second.

 

I was screaming then. I was screaming at the top of my lungs, but nothing would come out. I could hear everything else, and it was getting louder, and louder, and louder, but my screams were silent. I could feel my throat vibrating from my terrified screams, but nothing was heard. But everything else, it was getting unbearably loud. The air conditioner began to sound like a screaming zombie, and the music from my laptop turned into a demonic pitch, the tune itself began to sound like a million people were screaming in agony.

 

I cried. And the worst part was, I could hear my tears. I could hear them hitting the bedsheets. I was getting smaller and smaller, and everything was getting scarier and scarier. The popsicle was melting, and it was screaming, too. But it didn't make any noise, either.

 

Wait... Then how did I know it was screaming?

 

Its mouth was still hung open in a horrifying manner, and before I could grow any smaller, I felt myself being sucked inside the cold, empty darkness of its mouth. As I entered, its mouth quickly clamped shut, leaving me in thick, dreary darkness.

 

Everything was silenced, and my screams came alive. It was loud, horrifying, and I clamped my mouth shut so I couldn't torture myself with my own shrieks. But the screams didn't cease. My own screams continued to disorient me, and I tried to cover my ears with my hands, but an unknown force held them at my sides.

 

I turned frantically from side to side, trying to make sense of where I was, but for what appeared to be miles and miles were nothing but complete darkness.

 

“Go to sleep.”

 

I could hear the popsicle's voice, it was beautiful, intoxicating, and terrifying all at once.

 

“Go to sleep. It will all be over if you do so.”

 

My eyes widened. Sleep.

 

No.

 

No!

 

I won't go to sleep! I won't let this thing have its way!

 

I fought against whatever it was that was holding me, its grip was firm, forceful... loving.

 

Soft, happy music began to drown out the screams, and it began to lull me to sleep. I wouldn't let it take me. I couldn't let it take me. Against my will, though, my eyes closed. With my eyes closed, however, everything seemed brighter. I couldn't comprehend that.

 

I continued to writhe, continued to fight. The darkness' grip grew tighter by the second, and finally, before I was about to be crushed, it let go.

 

 

 

Swallowed Whole

 

 

 

My eyes shot open, and warm enveloped my body. I was staring at a hot, burning ball of gas. It had almost blinded me.

 

I closed my eyes and fell to my knees, and clenched my chest. Everything...

 

It was so... warm.

 

A cool breeze trickled through my hair, and my senses were bathed in the scent of summer.

 

I opened my eyes again, and saw that I was laying down in the middle of a field. I turned, and saw that the field was in fact my own backyard.

 

I looked around, perplexed. I could hear the wind passing through the towering trees that surrounded my home, and I could hear birds happily singing, and squirrels chattering to each other.

 

I ran my fingers through my hair, and then rubbed my hands over my arms. I was unscathed. I wasn't even cold. I didn't feel frightened, either.

 

Was this a dream?

 

I shook my head. I must have passed out... I must have just... I don't know.

 

I brought myself to my feet, and I felt change jingle in my pocket. I reached my hand into my pocket to see how much it was, and after counting I had a dollar and twenty-five cents. Exactly enough for a Dr. Pepper at the Petit Chady, my favorite store here in town.

 

The walk to the store was a long one, though, but it was worth it. It tasted all the more sweeter if I worked for it.

 

I walked toward my house. I would go inside, cool off, sit down and think. What exactly was going on? I guess it really didn't matter. I just needed to rest.

 

I neared my veranda, and for some reason, I started getting... scared. Really scared.

 

I whimpered. This is my own home. Why am I scared to go into my own home?

 

I walked up the steps and made my way to the door. I started to breathe irregularly; there were short, quick breaths littered amongst long, shaky ones. Something was terrifying me. I had to get inside.

 

I took a deep breath and opened the door. As I was exposed to the familiar atmosphere of my own home, a familiar song blared from... every direction. It scared me, so I rushed blindly into my home.

 

What song was that...? I knew it so well. It sounded like a love song, but it had this vibe of longing, not exactly sadness, but... confidence, too... I felt the lyrics bounce around inside of me, and the song was begging to be remembered.

 

Suddenly, it stopped.

 

It... it must have been my imagination.

 

I yelled for my parents, to see if they were home, but I wasn't met with a reply. They must be gone shopping.

 

I smiled. I loved to be home alone.

 

I shook my head. I had to focus on what was going on. I just... I just woke up in my backyard. Nobody is home... And I'm really, really scared.

 

I angrily ran my fingers through my hair, and took a deep breath. I shouldn't be scared. There was no reason whatsoever for me to be terrified.

 

I looked at the flatscreen television that my parents proudly hung in the living room. I turned it on, and flipped through the channels to see if anything good was coming up. My stomach lurched happily when I saw that 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic' was coming on in five minutes. Watching that show was my guilty pleasure; something about it was just amazing. I could care less about what people thought.

 

I smiled. Everything was going to be alright.

 

I sat down in a cool, leather chair and closed my eyes. My heart skipped a beat, though, when I felt the same thick, dreary darkness that was inside that popsicle. I tried to open my eyes, but I couldn't. Far back in the darkness, I saw a speck of yellow. It slowly grew bigger, closer, as a low, constant sound grew louder and louder.

 

I immediately recognized it. It was the song.

 

The speck soon formed into a blob, and that blob into one of the most frightening things I've ever seen. There, amongst the shadows was the face of the popsicle after its eyes grew black and its mouth was open.

 

I screamed as my eyes opened. I began to take quick, short breaths and tears formed in my eyes.

 

Suddenly, I heard a scuffle in the hallway that lead to my bedroom. My heart pounded. I continued to hear it, and I forced myself out of the chair. I slowly crept over to the opening that led to the hallway, and looked.

 

I gasped as I suddenly saw a shadow rush into my room. I heard that same song again. Whatever the song was... it was coming from that. I didn't know what it was, and I didn't care.

 

I sprinted for the door leading outside, and I felt uncomfortable tingles scrape at the back of my skull, signifying that I was being watched. It was watching me.

 

Angry, exasperated noises bellowed from the hallway, and I felt it scamper toward me.

 

I didn't let myself look at it. I was too afraid.

 

I burst out of my house and slammed the door shut as I frantically jumped over the railing of my veranda. I landed onto the grass, and I continued to sprint toward the road. I would run somewhere. Anywhere.

 

I made it to the shoulder of the road and ran down it. I heard the song again, but it sounded far away...

 

Tears were already blurring my vision, but I wiped them away and continued to run. I felt the change jingle in my pocket.

 

A Dr. Pepper.

 

I would buy one.

 

It would make everything right.

 

It would make everything go away.

 

It would make everything stop.

 

It would make everything heal.

 

It would make everything forgive me.

 

 

:L

 

 

I kept on running. My energy didn't run out, either. The pounding, tightening pain in my chest was easily ignored. My breathing... My breathing...

 

My eyes closed as I fell onto the road itself. There, in the darkness of my mind, I saw the face of the popsicle growing closer, and closer, and--

 

I jolted as I opened my eyes. I was tired. Incredibly tired. More so than I've ever been in my life. But if I slept, it would consume me. The popsicle, the darkness... my memories... they would consume me.

 

I brought myself to my feet, and heard the song again. It was catching up to me.

 

I sprinted, my arms flailing, my heart pounding. I had to keep going. I couldn't stop to hide, because it was watching me... It was watching me! I could feel it watching me! It was going to kill me! I'm going to die! Oh God, please, don't let me die! Don't let me die!

 

I tripped and rolled into a ditch. I muffled my screams into the grass, trying not to make any noise.

 

The song was blaring now. I whimpered. I tried not to make any noise, but I began to hysterically cry. I forced my cries into the grass again, praying once more.

 

The song was unbearably loud now... whatever it was, it was upon me. I was going to die.

 

I could hear muffles... Did... Did it see me?

 

The song was reaching the chorus, and something about it made my body shiver... in a good way. But, midway through it my senses left me. I couldn't feel the grass tickling my face. I couldn't hear the song. I couldn't taste the summer air. I couldn't see the face of the popsicle. I couldn't smell the dirt beneath the grass.

 

I began to panic. My eyes could be closed... the popsicle could be advancing on me... it probably is... Oh God... No... No! Don't let it come any closer!

 

Even worse... I was defenseless. I couldn't fight back. The thing that was chasing me could be killing me right at this moment. I could be dead... I...

 

I must be dead. I was left alone, in true, natural darkness.

 

 

 

Closing In

 

 

 

I cried out as my senses returned to me.

 

My body was still numb with fear, and I listened carefully. I couldn't hear the song anymore. I couldn't sense the presence of my pursuer, either.

 

My heartbeat began to slow as I calmed myself down. It didn't see me... It didn't see me... It didn't see me. It didn't see me. It didn't see me! It didn't see me!

 

Tears streamed down my eyes as I thanked God. I turned upward, slowly, and I saw nothing but the beautiful, blue sky. I brought myself to my feet, and the pattern of the grass was etched about my skin from it being pressed so firmly to the ground. I took long, shaky breaths and sniffled.

 

I was safe.

 

I crawled out of the ditch and began to shiver uncontrollably. What was happening to me? Why is a popsicle with a horrifying face haunting me whenever I close my eyes to go to sleep? Why are things that play horrifying songs chasing me?

 

I looked about the scenery, and I noticed that everywhere felt... empty. Nobody was around. It was like everybody upped and left, and I was the only one that stood behind.

 

Come to think of it, there weren't any vehicles either. I didn't see a single car pass when I was fleeing that... thing, and there still wasn't any cars driving now.

 

What day was it? Was it an important date? Was everybody indoors? Where are my parents?

 

I grumbled. To be honest, I didn't really care about my parents. If they were gone, so be it. I'd... I'd find some sort of way to survive.

 

Survive. It only hit me then. I was alone, and something was trying to kill me. What... what do I do?

 

I shoved my hand into my pocket and withdrew the dollar and twenty-five cents. I had to buy a Dr. Pepper. I don't know why, but I just had to. It... it had to be done. I had to do this.

 

I stored the change in my pocket again and continued down the road. The silence was unbearable.

 

 

:L

 

 

As I proceeded to walk, an emptiness began to emerge in my chest. There wasn't a soul anywhere. Nothing... No vehicles. I was walking on the yellow line at this moment, and I paid close attention to the houses to see if there was anybody there. Nothing. No children outside playing, or shirtless men displaying their flabby bodies while doing some form of distasteful labor. Nothing.

 

I began to grow even more afraid. What if they were all dead? What if the thing that had chased me got them all?

 

The thing... I had almost forgotten about it.

 

I frantically turned from side to side, but it was nowhere in sight.

 

Wait... How would I even know what it would have looked like if I never even looked at it because of my cowardice? Was... Was it even real?

 

Then it really hit me. What if I had ran away from nothing? What if... what if that song was my imagination?

 

No. It can't be. If it isn't real, then why do I feel that something is trying to kill me? Why am I still afraid? What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me dammit!?

 

I shook my head, and clenched my ears as I screamed at the top of my lungs.

 

My cries echoed through the dank air, and as though it were in response to my hopelessness, the sky clouded over with a sickly gray.

 

I had to stay focused... Focus... What was I even doing...?

 

That's right. The Dr. Pepper. I had to get the Dr. Pepper, because it would make everything okay. It would make everything better.

 

I nodded, confidently. I was close to the Petit Chady now. I'd buy a Dr. Pepper, and let it save me!

 

But wait... What if there's nobody in the store? What if it's empty, like everywhere else?

 

I shook my head. It couldn't be empty downtown. There was bound to be some sort of activity. There just HAD to be.

 

 

:L

 

 

As I rounded the bend past the folk art store, I grimaced as I was proven wrong. Nothing.

 

The silence wasn't peaceful. It was disturbing, horrifying... Dreadful.

 

Tired... So tired. A wave of pure fatigue washed over me as I stepped off of the sidewalk and advanced toward the Petit Chady. I had made it... But the entrance... It was wide open!

 

I couldn't believe this. The small green store was open. That meant there were people!

 

I rushed inside, ignoring my undying need for sleep. The warm shop air washed over me, and I felt an immense amount of satisfaction to see the lady that worked there was there, greeting me.

 

I was going to ask her a million questions, but I didn't want to seem odd. She didn't appear to be oblivious to the situation, nobody could. There must be something going on, something on the news that explained everything, and I was too lost in my thoughts to notice.

 

I sluggishly made my way to the sliding door to the refrigerated drinks and cried out with pure joy to see that there was one Dr. Pepper left!

 

I then felt uneasy, as I realized that there wasn't ANYTHING else left. In there, was only the lone can of Dr. Pepper.

 

I ignored my thoughts and slid open the door, bathing in the cool, wet air that washed over my face. I desperately wanted to close my eyes for a few moments, to bask in this, but I knew that I couldn't risk that.

 

Instead, I wearily smiled as I wrapped my fingers around the cold can, holding it for a few seconds to remember that familiar comfort of holding one.

 

I proudly marched up to the cash register, thanked and paid for the Dr. Pepper, and excitedly opened it. The *ksssh* sound that ensued from the open can was like an orchestra that not even Beethoven could ever hope to match. I smelled the aroma of the soda, and I felt so grateful... so pleased.

 

Finally, I brought the can to my lips.

 

Just as the sweet liquid splashed in my mouth, the door slammed shut. I turned toward it in shock, and suddenly blinds covered the windows, and the lights turned off.

 

It was dark, but I could still faintly see around me. I looked toward the lady at the cash register, but she had disappeared.

 

Fear began to course through my body. I made my way for the door, but before I could even grab the handle, that same song I heard bellowing from whatever it was that was following me began to play.

 

I started to desperately try to open the door, but it wouldn't budge. I turned behind me to see that I wasn't even in the store anymore... There was a long corridor, and at the other end a door.

 

My legs felt weak. They began to shake, so I leaned my back against the locked door and slowly slid down it. Fear, dread, and fatigue.

 

I saw the face of the popsicle. I screamed as I proceeded to open by eyes, but I realized that they WERE open. Slowly making its way down the corridor was the popsicle itself.

 

I began to tremble with fear. What did it want...? Oh God, what did it want!?

 

That song was blaring now, the familiar but horrifying tune was disorienting. What song was that!? I feel like I listened to it a million times before, but why!? What is it!?

 

It grew louder and louder as the popsicle grew closer.

 

“I found you,” it said, with melancholy lingering in its words.

 

It lunged forward and grabbed my neck, and forced me against the wall.

 

I tried to fight against it, but its hands were sickly cold and powerful. I began to panic, for I couldn't breathe. My body had forgotten everything else, just the horrible feeling of being choked to death.

 

“You... You tried to get away,” it softly spoke.

 

My hands latched onto the popsicle's skinny black ones, and I pulled with all of the power I could muster, but I couldn't manage to loosen its grip.

 

It gazed deeply into my eyes. Its eyes... were pained. Stressed. Afraid. It was the most disturbing thing I had ever witnessed. Those eyes bore right through my skull.

 

I began to writhe, to kick, to flail, but it was no use. I began to grow limp, and the colors began to fade.

 

“Just... Fall asleep,” it coaxed.

 

Edited August 23, 2012 by NastyMann

[PinkieFTW 1]

I read the whole lot, It's pretty good!, I loved it

[GEROMY 41]

Thank you very much. I'm not quite finished, though. (In case you didn't know. I should specify nonetheless)

 

There's a lot of symbolism and ambiguity. How did you interpret it?

Edited August 23, 2012 by NastyMann

[Somebody 570]

I read everything you have so far. I like it! It's very compelling, very surreal. As for an interpretation, I can't really give it one until you finish it! For me, the ending of a story has the most weight when interpreting the whole thing.

Edited August 23, 2012 by Questio

[GEROMY 41]

That's very true. The ending is usually when everything sort of comes together. I have it in mind, but I fear it would become much too convoluted But in the end, it's all up for the individual to interpret it. No interpretation is wrong.

 

I'm also glad you enjoyed it, thank you.