Ron Jeremy 2,032 October 5, 2012 Share October 5, 2012 Due to (nonexistent) popular demand, I have decided to create a guide to raising chainsawlicorns. What is a chainsawlicorn, you ask? Chainsawlicorns are the ultimate ponies. They have chainsaw tails, and unicorn horns, though they usually manage to cut their horns off accidentally. They are the strongest beings in existence, so proceed with caution. Obtaining a chainsawlicorn Obtaining a chainsawlicorn is quite easy. You must draw a picture or write a fiction in which Sonic the Hedgehog is Sephiroth's boyfriend, and post it online. When the Sonic and Final Fantasy fangirls see it, their screams will create a rip in space and time, allowing a young chainsawlicorn to slip through. Food What do chainsawlicorns eat? Simple, actually. They eat habenero chilies, whole pizzas and nacho cheese You must dump a pound of habeneros on a pizza, roll the pizza up like a burrito, slather it in nacho cheese and present it to your chainsawlicorn. They need a lot of grease to oil their chainsaw tails. You may notice your chainsawlicorn nibbling on pieces of metal. They have to do this to grow their chainsaw tails. If you don't want them gnawing on your plumbing/etc. then take them to a scrap yard every week. Grooming Your chainsawlicorn's hair will require maintenance, though they are capable of performing most of this themselves. They will favor "big" hairstyles, such as bouffants and afros. Do not question them. Never give them a haircut. If their hair is cut, they lose their power. Misc. info If taken care of, your chainsawlicorn will live for eternity. As your chainsawlicorn matures, it may desire to leave your home. Allow it to, because part of a chainsawlicorn's purpose in life is to learn that they have a backstory involving being created by a video game/anime villain, and that they have to fight (insert girly-boy villain here) to avenge the death of a parent/relative/sensei/etc. If a chainsawlicorn is not allowed to do this, they go insane and transform into Sephiroth, and another chainsawlicorn must defeat them. Feel free to ask any questions you may have about chainsawlicorns. I will answer them to the best of my ability. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Radiance64 7,053 October 5, 2012 Share October 5, 2012 Thanks to KKR's guide, I was able to raise my Chainsawlicorn well- somehow he got so powerful, he turned human and became a video game character. This is what he looks like today: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Jeremy 2,032 October 5, 2012 Author Share October 5, 2012 Thanks to KKR's guide, I was able to raise my Chainsawlicorn well- somehow he got so powerful, he turned human and became a video game character. This is what he looks like today: Hmm. Transformation isn't normal for a chainsawlicorn, unless it's Super Saiyan. What have you been feeding him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Radiance64 7,053 October 5, 2012 Share October 5, 2012 Hmm. Transformation isn't normal for a chainsawlicorn, unless it's Super Saiyan. What have you been feeding him? The usual, along with parasites and president's daughters, thought it would give him some extra zinc... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Jeremy 2,032 October 5, 2012 Author Share October 5, 2012 The usual, along with parasites and president's daughters, thought it would give him some extra zinc... You've been feeding him zinc supplements? That's a big no-no! Take him to a vet immediately! If not, he may continue his transformation and become a poorly-drawn Sonic-recolor OC. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Radiance64 7,053 October 5, 2012 Share October 5, 2012 You've been feeding him zinc supplements? That's a big no-no! Take him to a vet immediately! If not, he may continue his transformation and become a poorly-drawn Sonic-recolor OC. Uh-oh, we don't want that... And I think he got bigger... I can't even get near him now, and he cut the vet's head off! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Jeremy 2,032 October 5, 2012 Author Share October 5, 2012 Uh-oh, we don't want that... And I think he got bigger... I can't even get near him now, and he cut the vet's head off! Well, crap. I think the only solution is to put him down. Trick him into falling into a body of water, such as a lake or the ocean. If his chainsaw becomes waterlogged, his heart will stop. Let's just hope he hasn't matured enough that he's grown his protective case that prevents waterlogging yet. If he has, use a flamethrower and burn his hair off. That too will kill him instantly. You are a terrible pet owner. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Radiance64 7,053 October 5, 2012 Share October 5, 2012 Well, crap. I think the only solution is to put him down. Trick him into falling into a body of water, such as a lake or the ocean. If his chainsaw becomes waterlogged, his heart will stop. Let's just hope he hasn't matured enough that he's grown his protective case that prevents waterlogging yet. If he has, use a flamethrower and burn his hair off. That too will kill him instantly. You are a terrible pet owner. I know. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Awesome One 1,315 October 5, 2012 Share October 5, 2012 I fed my Chainsawlicorn muffins....and cupcakes, and cakes, and puddings, and custard...and...SO MUCH SUGAAAH! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Jeremy 2,032 October 5, 2012 Author Share October 5, 2012 I fed my Chainsawlicorn muffins....and cupcakes, and cakes, and puddings, and custard...and...SO MUCH SUGAAAH! That's an interesting diet. As long as it's getting its oil, it'll be alright. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Awesome One 1,315 October 5, 2012 Share October 5, 2012 That's an interesting diet. As long as it's getting its oil, it'll be alright. Be right back, need to give him his daily dose of Nuclear Weapons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Jeremy 2,032 October 5, 2012 Author Share October 5, 2012 Be right back, need to give him his daily dose of Nuclear Weapons. You should never give a chainsawlicorn nuclear weapons. However, bathing them on toxic waste is an option. If you bathe your chainsawlicorn in a barrel of toxic waste, they may become a hideously deformed creature of superpony size and strength. But I can't help you there, because this is a chainsawlicorn guide, not a hideously deformed creature of superpony size and strength guide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Awesome One 1,315 October 5, 2012 Share October 5, 2012 Too late, I fed him some nuclear rum to wash down those nuclear weapons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Jeremy 2,032 October 5, 2012 Author Share October 5, 2012 Too late, I fed him some nuclear rum to wash down those nuclear weapons. In that case, be prepared for him to turn into a cloud of smog with a face and appear in preachy '90s anti-pollution cartoons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Awesome One 1,315 October 6, 2012 Share October 6, 2012 Oh no, not to worry, nothings happening, he's just turned three times his normal size and has a sudden crave for humans.....oh shit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Jeremy 2,032 October 6, 2012 Author Share October 6, 2012 (edited) Oh no, not to worry, nothings happening, he's just turned three times his normal size and has a sudden crave for humans.....oh shit. Quick, trap him and gag him before he sings a song about loving pollution! Edited October 6, 2012 by KKR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Awesome One 1,315 October 6, 2012 Share October 6, 2012 Quick, trap him and gag him before he sings a song about loving pollution! That's kind of hard to do when you're in his stomach...luckily, he ate my laptop as well so I can still talk. I am now slowly being dissolved and I could die at any min-.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Join the herd!Sign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now