breezy00 30 June 12, 2013 Share June 12, 2013 (edited) Filly Celestia was peeking through the bushes. She though to herself, "She'll never find me here. " At that a boy tapped on her shoulder. "H-hi there, " said the boy. "Well hello there. What's you name," she asked cheerily. "7...8...9...10. Ready or not here I come," said Princess Luna. " Hurry get down before she sees you," Celestia told the boy. "Found you," said Luna, now standing behind them. "Celestia who's this," Luna asked suddenly noticing his presence. "My name," the boy said staning up," is Discord." Luna gasped, " I know you ........ TO BE CONTINUED! Breezylet me know wht u guys think Edited June 12, 2013 by breezy00 Made by my amazing friend Rainbow Skywalker!!!!!!!!! Thanks so much :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir.Flutter Hooves 2,953 June 12, 2013 Share June 12, 2013 Filly Celestia was peeking through the bushes. She though to herself, "She'll never find me here. " At that a boy tapped on her shoulder. "H-hi there, " said the boy. "Well hello there. What's you name," she asked like she was talking to the sun. this is not all of it i just want ot know if u guys think this is good or not Breezylet me know wht u guys think It leads to alot of questions. Who is Celestia hiding from? There's a boy in Equestria? A human boy? One thing I don't get, is it says "She asked like she was talking to the sun". How does one talk to the sun? It's good, but it leads to alot of questions. This fantastic signature is made my by awesome friend Rainbow Skywalker! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
breezy00 30 June 12, 2013 Author Share June 12, 2013 i didnt know what to put after she asked whats ur name though could u help me with that and ull find out who the boy is when i write more 1 Made by my amazing friend Rainbow Skywalker!!!!!!!!! Thanks so much :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir.Flutter Hooves 2,953 June 12, 2013 Share June 12, 2013 i didnt know what to put after she asked whats ur name though could u help me with that and ull find out who the boy is when i write more Ok, I'm just gonna give you some advice. Make the boy into a pony. People, including myself don't really like humans in fanfiction, so always keep them ponies. Also, they don't like made up Alicorns. So, stear clear of that. But, if you want to leave the boy in there( I wouldn't), maybe make the boy a wizard who made a spell and opened a portal to Equestria? This fantastic signature is made my by awesome friend Rainbow Skywalker! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
breezy00 30 June 12, 2013 Author Share June 12, 2013 its not a boy its gonna be dicord thats why a said boy bacause i didnt know what to put they will understand it later on and who shes iding from Made by my amazing friend Rainbow Skywalker!!!!!!!!! Thanks so much :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir.Flutter Hooves 2,953 June 12, 2013 Share June 12, 2013 its not a boy its gonna be dicord thats why a said boy bacause i didnt know what to put they will understand it later on and who shes iding from Oh...ok. Maybe say Discord next time. But...Why is Celestia asking Discord who his name is? Doesn't she already know that? Maybe make her saying "Discord! Get down, they'll find us both" or something of that matter. This fantastic signature is made my by awesome friend Rainbow Skywalker! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
breezy00 30 June 12, 2013 Author Share June 12, 2013 well they're fillies so they just met is my story line that im doing Oh...ok. Maybe say Discord next time. But...Why is Celestia asking Discord who his name is? Doesn't she already know that? Maybe make her saying "Discord! Get down, they'll find us both" or something of that matter. it kinda creates the before life wich is my point do u see what i mean 1 Made by my amazing friend Rainbow Skywalker!!!!!!!!! Thanks so much :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir.Flutter Hooves 2,953 June 12, 2013 Share June 12, 2013 well they're fillies so they just met is my story line that im doing it kinda creates the before life wich is my point do u see what i mean Oh...so they're all babies? That would make a good story! I get it now. But, watch your spelling and grammar though. But, if you make the plot good, this story should do good. This fantastic signature is made my by awesome friend Rainbow Skywalker! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
breezy00 30 June 12, 2013 Author Share June 12, 2013 Oh...so they're all babies? That would make a good story! I get it now. But, watch your spelling and grammar though. But, if you make the plot good, this story should do good. thanks yeah i've been working on all that but i think i have an idea for the rest of the chapter cause im going chapter by chapter so i can get suggestions and more ideas this way 1 Made by my amazing friend Rainbow Skywalker!!!!!!!!! Thanks so much :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir.Flutter Hooves 2,953 June 12, 2013 Share June 12, 2013 thanks yeah i've been working on all that but i think i have an idea for the rest of the chapter cause im going chapter by chapter so i can get suggestions and more ideas this way If you ever want a proof reader, just shoot me a PM, and I'll be more than happy to do that. It looks good, just make sure that you make the flow of the story good. This fantastic signature is made my by awesome friend Rainbow Skywalker! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
breezy00 30 June 12, 2013 Author Share June 12, 2013 If you ever want a proof reader, just shoot me a PM, and I'll be more than happy to do that. It looks good, just make sure that you make the flow of the story good. ok thanks im going to go edit the story a little more. I have a great idea so that people reading it will be not expecting it. Brb Filly Celestia was peeking through the bushes. She though to herself, "She'll never find me here. " At that a boy tapped on her shoulder. "H-hi there, " said the boy. "Well hello there. What's you name," she asked cheerily. "7...8...9...10. Ready or not here I come," said Princess Luna. " Hurry get down before she sees you," Celestia told the boy. "Found you," said Luna, now standing behind them. "Celestia who's this," Luna asked suddenly noticing his presence. "My name," the boy said staning up," is Discord." Luna gasped, " I know you ........ TO BE CONTINUED! Breezylet me know wht u guys think what do you think of how it looks now this is the end of chapter one chapter two is on way i think im happy with my results it turned out better than i thought 1 Made by my amazing friend Rainbow Skywalker!!!!!!!!! Thanks so much :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir.Flutter Hooves 2,953 June 12, 2013 Share June 12, 2013 ok thanks im going to go edit the story a little more. I have a great idea so that people reading it will be not expecting it. Brb what do you think of how it looks now this is the end of chapter one chapter two is on way i think im happy with my results it turned out better than i thought I...I like it! I want to see how it turns out. Maybe put it up on FIM Fiction so more people can see it, and help you. Again, I'll be more than willing to help you if you ever need any! 1 This fantastic signature is made my by awesome friend Rainbow Skywalker! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
breezy00 30 June 12, 2013 Author Share June 12, 2013 I...I like it! I want to see how it turns out. Maybe put it up on FIM Fiction so more people can see it, and help you. Again, I'll be more than willing to help you if you ever need any! ok how do i do that then cause i will need your help since i am new to all of this i hate the 100 letter requirement almost there 1 Made by my amazing friend Rainbow Skywalker!!!!!!!!! Thanks so much :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir.Flutter Hooves 2,953 June 12, 2013 Share June 12, 2013 ok how do i do that then cause i will need your help since i am new to all of this i hate the 100 letter requirement almost there Ok, here is the link:http://www.fimfiction.net/ What you do, is first register on the site. Then, there's a button that says your username and scroll down and it says stories. Then, there's a green button and it says NEW STOR +. Click on that and start typing. After that, it says submit. 1 This fantastic signature is made my by awesome friend Rainbow Skywalker! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
breezy00 30 June 12, 2013 Author Share June 12, 2013 Ok, here is the link:http://www.fimfiction.net/ What you do, is first register on the site. Then, there's a button that says your username and scroll down and it says stories. Then, there's a green button and it says NEW STOR +. Click on that and start typing. After that, it says submit. thanks ill do that right now but gotta fill requirement i dont like that requirement very much it takes forever to finish you're comment. Ok, here is the link:http://www.fimfiction.net/ What you do, is first register on the site. Then, there's a button that says your username and scroll down and it says stories. Then, there's a green button and it says NEW STOR +. Click on that and start typing. After that, it says submit. all done and good to go now I'm super exited about it on another website. those darn stupid characters take too much time to type up. 1 Made by my amazing friend Rainbow Skywalker!!!!!!!!! Thanks so much :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir.Flutter Hooves 2,953 June 12, 2013 Share June 12, 2013 thanks ill do that right now but gotta fill requirement i dont like that requirement very much it takes forever to finish you're comment. all done and good to go now I'm super exited about it on another website. those darn stupid characters take too much time to type up. Well, congrats man! GIve me your username so I can follow you and read some of your work some time. Cannot wait to read some of your work. PM it to me though. This fantastic signature is made my by awesome friend Rainbow Skywalker! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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