Guide to Making Modern Art

[Harmonic Revelations 8,835]

I am going to tell you how to become very rich and famous, by making modern art. The best part about this guide is that I'll give you specifics.

 

You will Need:

 

-Hands (Could Possibly Use Feet but I advise against it) The appearance of your hands might vary depending on where you buy them from. Generally they will look similar to this:

 

 

-Some Paint

 

-Some Canvas

-A Wood Chipper

 

-Money

 

 

Process:

 

This is the fun part. What you're going to want to do now is put the wood chipper somewhere safe outside. Position the canvas in front of the end of the wood chipper that dispenses wood chips.

 

Now I'm going to need you to use the hands that you bought earlier to open the paint cans. You should now proceed to dump them into the woodchipper.

 

If you have followed the process correctly, you should have something that looks similar to what a Unicorn would throw up before passing out drunk.

 

Now you need to take one of these paintings, and bring them to an auction house. You need to make sure that they see you and that you tell them your name, they will likely not sell it for very much.

 

That's why we must do our next step. You must fake your own death, as to increase the value of your art. You should proceed to bribe a newspaper with the money we mentioned earlier to post a story about how you died. Then you must disguise yourself, and return to the auction house.

 

Once they know you're dead, your art will certainly be invaluable. You should sell the rest of the paintings now and live rich, forever.

 

Whether or not you reveal that you weren't dead the whole time after selling the paintings, while stroking a goatee and laughing evily and flying away in some kind of flying contraption, is entirely up to you.

 

 

 

I hope this guide has been useful to you.

Edited October 4, 2013 by Harmonic Revelations

[Mr F 1,522]

Thanks, I always wanted to know how to make art. Now they are 20% cooler than ever.

Now I have grown a mustache, and sold my art for 400 000 Dollars each.

Now i can live off this forever and stay on the forums all day .

all this after dropping off school and moving away from my parents. It's a win-win.

10/10 best guide ever.

[Rascal~ 657]

Thank you for these instructions, I will using them quite soon. 

You sir have made many lifes brilliant and rich. I hope to see more from you soon on how to do these kind of things...

Or maybe not 

[Friendship_Cannon 1,676]

I would have a complaint!

I got everything you mentioned, I even got a unicorn to get wasted with me, what wasn't easy to manage, but wow, that was a crazy party. Problem was it didn`t even come close to passing out, so I just sat there at some point...

Not to mention I had to pay it in canvas, and you should include that the wood chipper isn`t a very practical tool for the "fake your own death" part, I tried it with a moose, and what`s left of it isn't all that fun to look at :c

 

The hands, by the way, aren't the right tools for the paint cans, I hit them for hours and still needed the unicorns help to open them.

From all that hitting they are pretty sore, though, so I fear the rental service won't take them back... I tried to paint them, but it didn't really work, now they look worse than before.

 

Halp!

[duidamasterXD 9,627]

Where would I get a flying contraption for the end of the plan? That sounds like a crucial part of the thing.

 

Also,

 

---

 

This thread appears to be some manner of random (but strangely enjoyable) nonsense, or something spammy of the sort. Thus, it has been sentenced to the Forum Lounge section of Cloudsdale Colosseum. This is an automatically generated message, by the way.

Edited October 4, 2013 by Juvia Lockser

[Harmonic Revelations 8,835]

I would have a complaint!

I got everything you mentioned, I even got a unicorn to get wasted with me, what wasn't easy to manage, but wow, that was a crazy party. Problem was it didn`t even come close to passing out, so I just sat there at some point...

Not to mention I had to pay it in canvas, and you should include that the wood chipper isn`t a very practical tool for the "fake your own death" part, I tried it with a moose, and what`s left of it isn't all that fun to look at :c

 

The hands, by the way, aren't the right tools for the paint cans, I hit them for hours and still needed the unicorns help to open them.

From all that hitting they are pretty sore, though, so I fear the rental service won't take them back... I tried to paint them, but it didn't really work, now they look worse than before.

 

Halp!

Try hitting the unicorn with something heavy like a baseball bat, then you should try to yell at the paint cans, shame them until they eventually open out of embarrassment.

[Malinter 3,064]

If some idiot can pass a running tap of as art then so can I! Some people will buy anything if they think it'll make them an art buff xD

[Friendship_Cannon 1,676]

Try hitting the unicorn with something heavy like a baseball bat, then you should try to yell at the paint cans, shame them until they eventually open out of embarrassment.

 

The paint cans are not the problem anymore, the unicorn kinda pierced them, but now it's eating all the canvas (you know, the payment), and the hands are really in no condition to hold a baseball bat or even a cellphone, and my feeling tells me that the moose- accident I mentioned earlier will cause enough trouble either way.

Edited October 4, 2013 by Friendship_Cannon

[Hansel 1,512]

 

 

 

 

As someone who has a background in fine art, I can confirm that 95% of modern art is garbage dressed up in meaningless pseudo-philosophical pretentious ballshit.

Edited October 4, 2013 by Hansel

[Guest]

Instructions way to hard.
Got my paint stuck on the canvas.
What do?

[Obsolete 681]

I need help with something.

 

I was following your instructions as carefully as I could, but the bit with the wood chipper is confusingly written and I ended up throwing my hands in instead of the paint.

 

The resulting artwork looks okay, a bit too red I suppose, but now I'm having trouble with the rest of the process. The stumps at the end of my arms are leaking, I can't pick up the canvas for the life of me, my vision is getting blurry and I feel like I'm going to pass out. Is this normal?