Closet bronyism becoming unhealthy

[Nightmare Bleck 0]

I'm new around here, so if this is the wrong place for a thread like this, please pardon me.

 

 

Normally, I prefer not to call myself a "brony", but for lack of a better term, I am a closet brony. I have been so for about 2 or 3 years now.

 

And lately, it's getting under my skin. With season 4 finally out, my interest in the show and fandom, which had been dying, is ignited once more. Thus, also is my insecurity about it.

 

It's not that I'm really "macho" or anything; it's simply that I'm very insecure and have a lot of social anxiety, and I know for a fact that if I were to admit to liking this show, I would probably also have to explain WHY. And of course that would lead to awkwardness and the overwhelming sensation of being silently (or maybe not-so-silently) judged for it. It would just be horrible.

 

Now, you think that I simply do not need to go announcing it to everyone. Just don't bring it up unless asked. However, as the fool that I am, I left a dirty trail of ponies all over a username I use on several websites back when I was more obsessed; a username that people I know in real life know about. Say they googled that name one day, just for kicks, to see what I've been up to lately. Oh look! DeviantArt full of ponies! A Tumblr full of pony references! A couple of YouTube videos pertaining to pony-related subject matters! And since I'm a hoarder, I don't feel comfortable deleting those things...

 

This fear is becoming unhealthy. It's gotten to the point where my dreams are haunted by images of family members finding out about it. It's gotten to where if someone is skimming through Netflix on our Wii and they happen to click past something MLP-related, my blood runs cold.

 

I did tell a couple of people about the brony fandom. One was my mom, who didn't seem to have an opinion, but did ask if I was a brony. I said no, and it was technically true, since I don't actually call myself a brony. The other was my dad, who was more judgmental about it. He said that if the new MLP was anything like the old one that he remembered from when he was young, he didn't see how anyone could possibly enjoy it. He also said something like "Why would anyone even waste their time with that?". I don't know if he was referring to wasting time with the show, or wasting time engaging in flamewars about it online (if the latter, I can agree with that. ). If anyone were to give me crap about this, it would be hime. He's not exactly the least judgmental guy I know.

 

So basically, I don't know what to do now. I made this thread so that maybe I could get some advice, or for others to share their experiences, etc. I don't know. Just comfort me. The Internet is my only brony friend.

[RaptorJaysus 178]

So you know, this sorts of posts go in the Life Advice section.

[Moonlight 7,286]

This would belong in the Life Advice section, but nevertheless:

 

Your father said this, "He said that if the new MLP was anything like the old one that he remembered from when he was young, he didn't see how anyone could possibly enjoy it", correct? Now, since your mother doesn't seem to care either way, I think it would be best if you simply sat them down and showed them an episode. They'll either like it or call it 'stupid' and leave it at that. Personally, you shouldn't get so worked up over something like this, it's a tv show, so treat it like any other tv show. I'm sure you're into something else that is outside your target demographic, maybe it's Pokemon, Mario, Sonic, or just something completely different, if it's anything like that, then you're more than likely open about it. 

 

Which means that your parents are probably used to you enjoying something outside of your demographic, just tell them that you enjoy the show, that's all. It's a tv show and it shouldn't be treated as anything else. Like I said before, maybe show them an episode like Lesson Zero, Party of One, or Bats!, something that shows that the show is actually quite mature despite being made for younger audiences and is no way close to the older generations of My Little Pony. If you do show them it and your father makes jokes every now and then, just ignore them, tell him to knock it off, or just laugh it off...he'll get bored eventually. Just some ideas. 

[FlitterCMC 8]

If it's as bad as you say to stay closeted then just be open about it. Don't go rubbing it in peoples' faces, don't gather the family together to 'come out' -- it's not that big of a deal, just allow people to realise you like My Little Pony. If they ask why, tell them: it's a good show, there's a fandom full of interesting people. They won't necessarily like it, they might make a few jokes at your expense, but no one's going to disown you or change how they feel about you over pastel coloured horses so relax.

 

My suggestion: set it as your cellphone / tablet wallpaper, or 'accidentally' leave an MLP site open in the living room. This way it looks like they accidentally discovered it and starts the whole thing off as not a big deal.

Edited January 6, 2014 by FlitterCMC

[GenderIsAnIllusion 2,177]

Just tell them... You will feel MUCH better afterwards.

[SanityNotIncluded 335]

I apologise if this post comes off as condescending or idealistic, however, I've had somewhat similar experiences to yours and they led to me developing a thought process which I find very helpful to counter anxiety. Hopefully, this might be useful to you.

 

The first part is to understand that we are brought up to value self-responsibility. This is a good thing, however it has the unfortunate side effect of presuming that everyone is able to control each and every aspect of themselves. As far as anxiety and other unwanted emotions are concerned, this leads to the damaging idea that we are all born with some 'magic switch' which just allows us to 'turn off' unwanted feelings and irrational thoughts at the drop of a hat.

 

Therefore, if we're having irrational thoughts which we can't instantly turn off, we tell ourselves that we must be inadequate, deranged or hopeless for not using our supposedly innate 'don't panic' button. Of course, we don't want any of these implications, so we might do a number of things to stop them from occurring. These include denying the existence of the unwanted feelings, attempting to remove the anxiety's source (i.e by thinking of removing the pony stuff) or by blaming others for what we're experiencing. I'm certainly not saying that these are all bad or 'evil' strategies for dealing with anxiety...

 

However, the truth is that we humans are very much irrational. Regardless of the truth, we tend to form strong emotional attachments to our beliefs and in more dangerous times, would have needed a certain amount of overreaction to survive. Consequently, I find the solution to anxiety is not to deny or distance myself from it, but to embrace it and allow myself to build something better on top of it. By challenging irrationality and anxiety, we are not going from something 'inadequate' to something 'acceptable' but from something already good to something even better

 

At first glance, this might seem contradictory. Surely, by accepting our irrationality, we condemn ourselves to it right? Well, no, not at all. By understanding that we are irrational, we gain a more honest and comprehensive understanding of how our thought processes work. By gaining a greater understanding of our thought processes, we get a better understanding of how we end up irrational in the first place - and by understanding that, we can individually learn to challenge our irrational and anxiety-triggering thoughts.

 

This is the second part: Developing a method to counter your own irrational/anxious thoughts. For me personally, I know that much of my thinking tends to revolve around materialism (that is, the idea that everything which exists is either a physical object or is caused by some physical reaction). Therefore, my anxious thoughts tend to take an "if this, then that" form: "If I do this, I will be judged", "If I try to catch that cockroach, it will crawl on me", etc. Consequently, I am able to reduce my anxiety by finding flaws in the logic underpinning the anxiety.

 

Finally getting back on topic, if this were the problem I were faced with, I might've come up with something like this:

 

This is the logic:

1. There is a chance that my family could find out that I am a Brony/watch the show

2. This will force me to explain why I like the show

3. I will be judged negatively for this explanation

4. This judgement will negatively affect me forthwith 

 

This would be my reply to each point:

1. I'd start by addressing the ponified social media accounts. You mentioned that you'd been a Brony and had the offending username for around 2-3 years, right? Given that you made all this stuff some time ago, I would assume that the discovery anxiety didn't exist then. Additionally, if your friends knew your username all this time, we could assume that the likelihood of them looking it up 'for kicks' is the same now as it was when you weren't as worried about having your pony stuff discovered. Therefore, if you didn't need to be worried about the accounts then, there is no need for you to increase your anxiety now. On top of that, if the name has existed for that long and no one has looked it up, then it would suggest that the chance of anyone doing so is exponentially low. There was also the chance of your parents discovering MLP via Netflix suggestions. You mentioned that them passing over it makes 'your' blood run cold, however as far as I can tell, your parents don't really seem to bother with it - meaning that the chance of them commenting on it is quite low. Even if they did ask, you could always put it down to a glitch or something if you wanted to.

 

2. This one is probably the most logical, but there are still some things to pick with it. For starters, you are not immediately forced to explain why you like the show. There are two situations in which you would want to do it though: Firstly, if you are asked to, and secondly, if you want to avoid judgement. Wanting to avoid a situation in which you'll be judged doesn't make you 'bad' in any way. However, by using the word 'forced', you create a self-fulfilling prophecy which can only foresee a negative outcome (amongst several positive ones).

 

3. Put simply, unless they say so outright, we really can't tell whether or not people are judging us - particularly not when we have already made up our minds. Why? Because we all suffer from a Confirmation Bias. This is our natural tendency to actively look for information which supports out current hypothesis and reject that which does not. If you believe so strongly that your family is silently judging you, then, given this well-documented phenomenon, it is likely that you would subconsciously look for information which confirms your belief that they are judging you rather than trying to see the situation in terms of what you can truly deduce - that is to say, nothing particularly concrete. Indeed, given that your parents didn't seem to show vehement opposition to Bronydom itself, Ii would think such judgement unlikely

 

4. Okay then, worst case scenario: Your family/friends find out that you are a fan of the show and they show upfront disapproval and say some pretty nasty things to you. What would you do? Well, were any of those things they claimed true before they said them to you? No, of course not - so would they be true afterwards? *Cue Big Mac Voice* Ehhh.... nope! So therefore you would be punishing yourself for absolutely no reason.

 

I apologise if all that came off as harsh, but remember, that rebuttal wasn't necessarily how you should try and think about the problem - it's just how I would. You may find a completely different method to what I use and there is nothing wrong with that whatsoever - go with whatever helps you.

 

Hopefully, I provided you with something useful and not just a ranty diatribe. I wish you all the best in solving your concerns.