Revolver Bobcat

So what you want is a Super-Butler, hmm? Im quite fond with Super-Butlers. For i can tell these kind of characters share a 2 traits: They are hyper competent in what they do (if ask something they will have it before hand as if they were expecting it from the beggining no matter how ridiculous the item is) and they're professionals when in service, no goofing around (everything goes when they're not working). It's the kind of character that knows her shit, she knows you and knows what to expect and how to react while keeping a straight face at all times, not becouse she is bored or angry in any way, but becouse she's a professional and she knows what she's doing.When the client wants something done, she does it, no questions asked. When she's out of service everything goes. Her personality can change at whatever you want (But try not to go overboard with it). She doesn't have to a stone cold killer 24/7, in fact it would be more interesting if she isn't. She and her client can be friends if you want to, but remember that, in public, she will act and talk in a "Formal" fashion, indoors she might loosen up a lot if she's been working with the client for a long enough time and she will show a lot of her own traits as a result. The rest is up to you, they can chat about whatever, watch sports, play games together, they can be drinking buddies or whatever, go nuts. Did that helped?

Okay... Names... Names... The Gigantic The Drifter The Hydra The Wild Sprite El Conquistador (The Conqueror) The Drunken Bard Calipso The Leviathan El Intrepido (The Intrepid) The Valiant Vagrant The Red Wendigo The Rose

So i guess "Saucy Sea Slut" is out of question? Does the ship has an specific color scheme? You know, like the Black Pearl or the Pink Panther?(Yeah, i know is not a ship but still counts as a cool name)

I think when they said "Strong" they really meant "In charge". In a perfect world the one in charge would be reliable and confident but also humble to be able to swollow its pride when she/he doesn't know what to do. Eh... maybe? I don't agree in taking out the physical ailments i mean that's like taking out fever as a symptom for a cold, i would be on the edge of breakdown if i would feel a continous kick in the balls for who-knows how much time. Plus, have you been with a pregnant woman 24/7? it can get silly real fast. Personally i think of Strong qualities as Noble or Admirable qualities. When a think of Fluttershy i think of a character that needs to be dragged around a lot but she has a lot of admirable traits, compasion and kindness being a few of them. Not necessarialy, fighting itself can be irresponsable and even if it wasn't fleeing isn't that bad, facing the problem head-on is not always the best solution.

I don't like the sound of strong female characters. Scratch that, i don't like the sound of strong caracters at all. It fells like they're somehow superior to normal writen characters or something. Personally im more into "Believable Character". But that's besides the point. There's something i think is missing here and that's the part of being part of a gender. Sure, your characters are characters first and being a man or a woman are (Or should) be second, but the gender is still part of the character. No, i won't rant about male/female tropes or about how a man or woman should behave. It's about how genders are portrait and treated regardles of what is right or wrong or what you think. Sure, you can like MLP and be a man, there's no problem about it, but say that in pub or in your classroom. At best you're shrugged with a few odd looks at your direction. At worst (For example) they'll laugh and then kick the shit out of you. Whether is right or wrong, society expects from you to "Act like a man" eating nails for breakfast and sixtynine-ing chicks all day and night (or punching other dudes, i don't know). And whether you like it or not, this will change you as a character. It maybe a big change or small change, but it will shape your character in some way. For the looks of it, equestria has other expectations but none are gender based (Except all male military i guess?). Like, for example, you have to follow your cutie mark, whether you like it or not (But they all like it, except in that MMC episode i guess). It's justified since its another realm altogether and it doesn't has to have our same set of rules. Also, this might be a radical idea, but i think men and woman... are... diferent. *Cue world wide Gasp and Booing* I know, i know, just hear me out. What i meant is that we're physically diferent. Women, whether they like it or not, are more prone to mood swings, they have to deal with menstruation and, of course, birth (which is a 9 month thing not just the moment when they give birth). It may not be something were you should be taking into acount the whole time but it is part of who your character is. In the end the question you should be asking is "How being a woman changes someone?", It could be anyone, how did it change your mother? or your sister, girlfriend, aunt, or any woman? I can't answer that. But, like you said, this is secondary, your character's features should be first, then the gender. ---------------------- Another thing i think it deserve some time is the confusion between "Strong character" and "Badass character". First you don't have to come with a badass female to make a strong character, which you may think is obious, but it's not, really, i saw it a lot. They think making a strong character they NEED to have some kind of badass moment or something. Let's say Rarity, she is a refined person with a lot of talent and likes the fine things that life has to offer. That said, when she is invited to an event where she might get dirty and sweaty of couse she will say no at first but her sister is more important that her fobias so in the end she says yes. She isn't a strong character becouse she stood up against 3 dragons she's a strong character becouse you think she could be a real person. Same with Fluttershy an Pinkie Pie. They have their personalities and journeys and they act accordingly. Also, Power =/= Badass. Ellen Ripley wasn't badass becouse she killed the alien queen, she was badass becouse she put her own life on the line for someone else's. It's what you do with the power not the power itself. And maybe im wrong in this one. The thing is when i think of "Strong Characters" i think of characters that makes sense. If a princess that has never seen battle, or even a sword or a lance, and then one day she has to face battle i can only think of 2 outcomes: 1- She runs away. 2- She tries to pull out a fight and fails miserably. And in my opinion that doesn't make her a bad or weak character, heck, i can't pull out a fight but i sure can run fast!Then again, not all female characters have to be princesses.

Eh... i guess, not knowing the sourse material i can't tell. I guess? But the thing is she didn't even flinch about what just happend. At all.

Overall good, but i get very confused about the multiple narations that came out of nowhere, the colors helped i guess but still, i don't know who this people are or why are they arguing. Nor i care really. Also she seems to be very calm about what just happened. "I just entered a mirror and now im in a whole diferent body entering a school in two legs. Yeah, sure, i roll with it"

That would be awesome, thanks! Too bad i haven't even finished chapter 1 :/ But, im getting there, i'll pass it to you as soons as i finish it.

Looks like we have the same thoughts on comedy. And yes, it did help. But i often find myself, and i don't feel proud about this, stealing jokes form other sources and i don't what to end up putting Team Four Star jokes on my Fic <_< (Like in Darkness of love) Anyway, thanks.

You're good. You're REALLY good. You're REALLY REALLY good. You're REALLY REALLY REALLY good. GOD DAMMIT! WHY I'M NOT YOU?! Im having a hard time at comedy, any advise?

Uh... i find your main character very relaxed about his situation and oddly eager to return to his most likely destroyed planet. Also, it feels somewhat rushed, specialy the caracters, they don't seem to mind about anything too much just for the sake of convenience, i don't say they would freak out but maybe they would think twice before trusting the new monkey on town who also happens to know their names. You really took your time to describe your weapons and survival gear, heck, its pretty much the whole chapter 2. I don't fancy weapons in fanfics (If one character needs a weapons i just make the caracter grab a treebranch and start whacking everybody), but if you mentioned them with that much detail then you better use them for something. Also: Videogames, okay. Shooting guns, why not?. Watching MLP, that's a given. Forge... ... When you say forge, do you mean the large thingy where you heat metal and make swords, armor, horse shoes and whatnot? Where does this person lives? Becouse even the smallets forges are pretty big (And expensive) for a normal house, unless he happens to find that very special house with a forge that happens to be cheap. Which gets me to my next point. Where does he get all that money? The guy is working on tech support, he can not possibly earn that much money to support all of his hobbies, and how does he has time for all of this anyway? This isn't a hate rant on you, i mean it, but your character seems to have "That special something", that something that makes the universe bend over and help him in his time of need and makes the rest of the cast act accordingly. There's a name for that type of character, it's called a mary sue.

Well, if it helps, when 2 people are talking and they are not doing anything in particular you can skip the names (just when there's 2 people talking that is, 3 or more can get confusing) Here: "Good morning" said jon. "Good morning jon" said tom "See you later, alright?" "Sure, see ya" --- Also, just to be on the safe side, what i meant was that every caracter must have their own paragraph when talking so it doesn't get confusing to read (though i didn't have that problem here), which may or may not be a rule when writing, you will probably want a second opinion on that

Good wording and very descriptive, so far i like it, thumbs up to you! No complains from me but a side note, just in case: Your dialoge, although i find it easy to read, it might not be properly spaced, both caracters are speaking in the same space, here let me show you. How it should be: "Good morning" said jon. "Good morning jon" said tom I said "might" becouse i really don't know if this is some kind of rule, but most people write this way and some fics are rejected if you don't write it like that (or at least that's what i heard) Anyway, great writing.

Right, whatever you say man. What? But there's no mention of any of that, the "Summary" stops on a "Haha, you guys are wrong" ending. But you just said: Can you point me the part where you said that please? Becouse it sure sounds one-sided to me ._. If you say this story is about learning from each other and growing while doing so, i believe you. But you can see where my confusion originates, don't you? I gave you my opinion about about the "Summary" posted, i can't really give you an opinion on your story becouse you didn't gave me one, just the "Summary" about 2 dudes that can't stop talking, then make fun of a mermaid, sunk their ship on a storm and gets rescue by the mermaid so she can say "Looks like you guys are where wrong the whoooooole time" *Laughtrack, *Theme song and end credits. And its NOT a summary, if it takes you more than 10 lines of text then is not a summary. You are suppose to summarise your story not your story's events.