I'd go on your parents. It's probably just a phase. There's a chance that it's not, but from what I've seen, most teenagers (myself included) go what you go through and we end up fine. So I'd just wait it out and not do anything stupid. 

But what I said probably doesn't matter because you will disagree. Oh well, I think it was my friends (particularly one. I think she knows who she is) who got me out of my downward spiral and me finding something to love and care for, that being science. So if you can find one of the two, I think you'd be good.

Well, I'd love to go to my parents, but all they'd probably do is tell me to go pray or something.

Out of my two best friends, the first would just think I was joking and walk away laughing, and the second one would tell me I'm possessed by a demon and that I should go see an exorcist.

But thank you for the advice.

Hmm...if you're in high school, I recommend talking to a counsellor. Youthspace is also very helpful, they helped me quite a bit when I was where you are right now.

I'd give you the number to my psychiatrist's right-hand-man, but he's away on vacation until the 4th.

I'd tell your parents anyway. Tell them that you're scared and you really want their help.

This post might turn into some religious debate, but I don't care. I'm not afraid to express my Christianity on here.

You say God doesn't care about you? He's an inconsiderate douchebag who never gave a shit about anyone? I'm afraid you're wrong there. Yes, I'm going to give a preaching post, and whether or not you believe me, at least I tried.

Let's assume you believe in God. Do you honestly think he doesn't care about you? Do you think you are the only one who is in this self deprecating state of mind? No. You aren't.

Though not as extreme as your case, I've felt similar to yours. Always wondering "Why did I do this? Why is this happening? Does God even care about me? Does he listen to my prayers every night?"

Answer to the two last questions? Yes. He does. Let me evaluate.

The love for one's child is strong, correct? Most parents love their child more than themselves (we all admit, all of us do value ourselves very highly, no matter how humble you are). Giving up your child to be brutally whipped, slashed, and crucified. Who would do that? Let me quote a certain book:

"For God so loved the world that He gave is one and only Son, so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life." ~John 3:16

Yup, only Him. He clearly wouldn't send his only Son to violently die for you if He didn't care about you.

You question the proof of God?

Of course there is no SOLID CONCRETE proof that God exists. You can't prove his existence. But there's something called faith; something that drives the forces of Christians around the world to worship Him and make the most of their lives. Let me quote something called Pascal's Wager:

"If you erroneously believe in God, you lose nothing (assuming that death is the absolute end), whereas if you correctly believe in God, you gain everything (eternal bliss). But if you correctly disbelieve in God, you gain nothing (death ends all), whereas if you erroneously disbelieve in God, you lose everything (eternal damnation)."

Basically, you have nothing to lose in believing God. If there really is an end in life, no afterlife, believing in God will have no further negative affect on you. However, if he really is true, you gain the ultimate prize: eternal life.

Now, you may be thinking; how does this help me in any way? This won't improve my life any way on Earth!

You're wrong. If you heed my words, take notice of local Christian (I'm specifically a Baptist Christian) churches around your area. Go there, tell them you're new and seek help there. My specific church has spiritual care (my mother actually works there as a helper) where they will help you through hard times just like yours.

Well, I tried. If you still don't listen to me after this then... well... I wish you the best for your life.

Well, I do an online school, so I doubt we have a counselor.  

Youthspace... I don't know, I just feel unsafe about confiding in some person I know absolutely nothing about.

And as it's currently midnight, I wouldn't dare wake my parents up to tell them about this.

This post might turn into some religious debate, but I don't care. I'm not afraid to express my Christianity on here.

 

You say God doesn't care about you? He's an inconsiderate douchebag who never gave a shit about anyone? I'm afraid you're wrong there. Yes, I'm going to give a preaching post, and whether or not you believe me, at least I tried.

 

Let's assume you believe in God. Do you honestly think he doesn't care about you? Do you think you are the only one who is in this self deprecating state of mind? No. You aren't.

 

Though not as extreme as your case, I've felt similar to yours. Always wondering "Why did I do this? Why is this happening? Does God even care about me? Does he listen to my prayers every night?"

 

Answer to the two last questions? Yes. He does. Let me evaluate.

 

The love for one's child is strong, correct? Most parents love their child more than themselves (we all admit, all of us do value ourselves very highly, no matter how humble you are). Giving up your child to be brutally whipped, slashed, and crucified. Who would do that? Let me quote a certain book:

 

"For God so loved the world that He gave is one and only Son, so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life." ~John 3:16

 

Yup, only Him. He clearly wouldn't send his only Son to violently die for you if He didn't care about you.

 

You question the proof of God?

 

Of course there is no SOLID CONCRETE proof that God exists. You can't prove his existence. But there's something called faith; something that drives the forces of Christians around the world to worship Him and make the most of their lives. Let me quote something called Pascal's Wager:

 

"If you erroneously believe in God, you lose nothing (assuming that death is the absolute end), whereas if you correctly believe in God, you gain everything (eternal bliss). But if you correctly disbelieve in God, you gain nothing (death ends all), whereas if you erroneously disbelieve in God, you lose everything (eternal damnation)."

 

Basically, you have nothing to lose in believing God. If there really is an end in life, no afterlife, believing in God will have no further negative affect on you. However, if he really is true, you gain the ultimate prize: eternal life.

 

Now, you may be thinking; how does this help me in any way? This won't improve my life any way on Earth!

 

You're wrong. If you heed my words, take notice of local Christian (I'm specifically a Baptist Christian) churches around your area. Go there, tell them you're new and seek help there. My specific church has spiritual care (my mother actually works there as a helper) where they will help you through hard times just like yours.

 

 

Well, I tried. If you still don't listen to me after this then... well... I wish you the best for your life.

You're right. I should believe all this stuff, I'm not sure why I don't. I think about Pascal's Wager all the time. I know it's true, and I'm scared to death of eternal damnation. So why don't I truly believe? I have no idea. There's no reason for me not to believe, and yet I just don't. Maybe I'll try to read my Bible or something...

Thanks for the comment.

You're right. I should believe all this stuff, I'm not sure why I don't. I think about Pascal's Wager all the time. I know it's true, and I'm scared to death of eternal damnation. So why don't I truly believe? I have no idea. There's no reason for me not to believe, and yet I just don't. Maybe I'll try to read my Bible or something...

 

Thanks for the comment.

Don't just try and read the Bible. Of course, reading it is good, but for your situation it might not be enough. What I said; go to a church, and especially if they have a spiritual care program (or something along those lines) talk to the pastors/coordinators and they will help you. And bring your relationship to Jesus closer and closer.

Though I scarcely know you, I would absolutely love to see you with a closer relationship to God. Believe me.

Don't just try and read the Bible. Of course, reading it is good, but for your situation it might not be enough. What I said; go to a church, and especially if they have a spiritual care program (or something along those lines) talk to the pastors/coordinators and they will help you. And bring your relationship to Jesus closer and closer.

 

Though I scarcely know you, I would absolutely love to see you with a closer relationship to God. Believe me.

I'll be going to church on Sunday. In the meantime, I've got some serious praying to do.

I'll be going to church on Sunday. In the meantime, I've got some serious praying to do.

Glad to hear it man. I'll pray for you tonight.

Glad to hear it man. I'll pray for you tonight.

Thank you. I'm so sorry I can't come up with a better expression of gratitude.

Thank you. I'm so sorry I can't come up with a better expression of gratitude.

It's no problem at all brother, I think you seeing all this makes me happy

I understand what you're saying, however improbable that may seem at first. I've been there. I've hated myself, and I've wished nothing but the worst on my own person.

I know what that feels like. Perhaps not in the same way, but in the same mindset I've been right there with you. It's terrible yet almost enjoyable, all at the exact same time. There lies a great paradox that most people can't understand unless they've actually been there.

I enjoyed those thoughts, almost as if by doing harm to myself I would be "setting things right". And no, I'm not sure if I could really explain why those thoughts occurred or how I came to such conclusions, but I did.

Perhaps it is a "stage" - but that also seems like a severe understatement. Can I look back on people's lives and see similarities in feelings? Sure I can. But at the same time, I think it's dangerous to stereotype all feelings as such.

And you made a mention of God - I understand that some don't wish to include such topics, but I would like to at least say this: I don't think God hates you in any way. It boils down to that centuries-old question of "Why does God let bad things happen to good people?"

I'm not really sure that I could answer that on the spur-of-the-moment, but I can say this: he is good. However backwards that may seem in the right now, I cannot possibly come to the conclusion that a perfect God would wish evil on anyone who follows him. I have seen things that have proven to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that he does amazing things.

All that to say: you're not alone. I get what you're saying, and I know what it feels like. If it makes any difference: I found that in the end, hurting yourself won't do anything except make others worry. Aim to do something great. Take your ambitions and feelings, and drive them towards a worthwhile cause. It seems trivial (perhaps even "childish") right now, but it's well worth it in the long haul.

Everyone wishes to wake up with a twinkle in their eye and a spring in their step. It's just how we choose to go about making that wish into a reality that really changes our course of actions.


If you ever want to chat/talk, or if you just happen to be bored sometime, feel free to hit me up on Skype: cloudfyrebrony  I'm on and off most days, so don't hesitate to say hi - I love chatting with people.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

~CloudFyre

Thanks. I'll probably Skype you in a few days or something.

But if you correctly disbelieve in God, you gain nothing (death ends all), whereas if you erroneously disbelieve in God, you lose everything (eternal damnation).

This rubs me the wrong way. When you go into a religion not because of moral guidance, nor because of you seek truth but because you don't want to go to hell or another religion's version of said hell. I mean, if you go to a religion for the purpose of simple gain, it goes against the whole point of religion, does it not?

I mean, that argument is simply to draw one into religion, without exactly quoting the benefits of said religion.

Oh and I'm not saying that religion (yours being Christianity) doesn't give moral guidance. It's just that particular brand of reasoning isn't putting moral guidance forward as a benefit.

And while I have personal qualms about the validity of your statement, I feel that is just trying to knock you down and having a debate, rather than trying to help someone.