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Night Shine

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"[R]eality will never measure up to your imagination."

lindsay, an INFP from

PersonalityCafe

 

“INFPs never seem to lose their sense of wonder.

One might say they see life through rose-colored glasses…

[they] have the ability to see good in almost anyone or anything.

Even for the most unlovable the INFP is wont to have pity…

[o]f course, not all of life is rosy, and INFPs are not exempt from

the same disappointments and frustrations common to humanity...

[they] struggle with the issue of their own ethical perfection,

e.g., performance of duty for the greater cause.

An INFP...describes the inner conflict

as not good versus bad,

but on a grand scale,

Good vs. Evil.”

INFP Profile on

TypeLogic

 

the%20nocturnian%20era%20cover%20art%203.png

 

NIGHT SHINE is not, contrary to everything I have ever said or implied on this forum, simply another name for the person that is me. In fact, I often feel guilty using this name which I worked so hard to purify last year for my ordinary human and intellectual activities so long after its original meaning died. This blog also contains the reason that I feel that I no longer have any right to post anything on this forum under the name "Night Shine."

 

No, Night Shine was not a person—he was a dream I had, an alternate persona specifically designed to be superior to the real, tangible person who is me. Last year, I regarded Night Shine as nothing less than my very soul.

 

This blog, which will undoubtedly be very comprehensive as well as very melodramatic due to the melodramatic and complex nature of its subject matter, is aimed at dissecting my mindset from last year when I joined the Brony movement, and why that mindset was incompatible with the Bronies, with the Internet, and with the World itself. If you read this entire post, you just might understand me fully and completely, or at least as much as I do.

 

Several factors made my perspective last year utterly fascinating to study in hindsight:

1) My absolute and unshakable faith in the belief that the Brony movement was the purest group of people on Earth.

2) The extreme willpower with which I radically shifted my mind into questionable thoughts, beliefs, and actions.

3) The degree to which my radical actions and thoughts were justifiable as a method of fighting depression, and the degree to which they were not.

4) My determination to transcend human nature by splitting my personality into multiple separate individuals.

5) How I was able to utilize the Brony movement to justify all of the radically positive and negative shifts to my lifestyle.

6) How my teenage rebellion developed as a form of moral purism.

 

However, as I am retelling events only I remember from my perspective, this article will contain a lot of bias--that is unavoidable. This bias probably will skew the facts in the following ways:

1) Exaggerating the abnormality of the mindset and events in order to make them more interesting.

2) Exaggerating how 'bad' the mindset and events were, because I need to feel like I have learned from this experience and thus am insecure.

 

Introduction:

So, let's get started. What the heck does "Nocturnian" mean? I came up with the term in order to describe my mindset last year in April, when it finally came under assault by reality--but I'll get to that later. After thinking over the quintessence of Nocturnianism and considering over a dozen different ways to try and explain it over the past nine months, I have come to the conclusion that the Nocturnian mindset is the mindset of a Myers Briggs personality type which has Introverted Feeling as one of its primary cognitive functions, such as the INFP (for more information on Myers Briggs psychology, read the background information in the section later in this blog post). The opening quote from TypeLogic describes the relevant aspects of the INFP mindset better than anything else I have found in the past year (June 2013 to June 2014).

 

But why "Nocturn-ian"? What does night have to do with any of it? Well, in order to answer that question, let us dive into the beginning of the story: how I used My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and the Brony fandom as a method of radically altering my mindset and lifestyle. Before we dive into that, however, I would like to explain the situation in which I encountered MLP:FiM, as it helps to explain why I treated MLP and the Brony fandom the way that I did.

 

The next blog posts will contain an account of each season chronological order of what happened to my little experiment, when I used a fandom to manipulate my emotions, personality, and lifestyle.

 

Part 1: Death of Minecraft (Spring 2012)

 

Part 2: Nocturnian Revolution (Summer 2012)

 

Part 3: Fall and Rebirth (Fall 2012)

 

Part 4: Heart of Winter (Winter 2012-13)

 

Part 5: Ultimatum (Early Spring 2013)

 

Part 6: End of the Era (Late Spring 2013)

 

Part 7: A New Beginning (Summer 2013)

 

(please note that the entries are currently in an unfinished form.)

 

 

PREFACE

 

This section will explain any information which will be used as common knowledge throughout the rest of the blog. Information covers Myers Briggs personality typology and the Brony phenomenon.

 

Myers Briggs Typology

 

 

"There are many personality analysing tools in the world. One of the bigger ones is the MBTI that was developed during World War II by Katharine Cook Briggs and her daughter, Isabel Briggs Myers. While no test can completely pigeonhole a unique personality into a cubbyhole, the MBTI is a respected test used to describe individual preferences and tendencies. I've had a lot of fun playing with it as I analyze self, friends, family, and characters for my stories, and find it reasonably accurate (as far as I can tell).

 

...MBTI describes four preference-type dichotomies that each person uses. These preferences are similar to left- or right-handedness; the person uses both aspects of each preference, but one is preferred. These preference dichotomies are:

 

 

Extroverted (E) versus Introverted (I)

 

Sensory (S) versus Intuitive (N)

 

Thinking (T) versus Feeling (F)

 

Judging (J) versus Perceiving (P)

 

...The terms are technical, and therefore not quite the same as the colloquial meanings.

 

Extroverted (E) / Introverted (I)

 

This axis describes the attitudes to outer world (people, objects) or inner world (ideas, reflection). The extroverted prefer to act, whereas the introverted prefer to reflect and withdraw. This axis doesn't reflect how social someone is, or how well they interact with people; more it's whether they'd prefer to be around action, or prefer a quiet place.

 

Sensory (S) / Intuitive (N)

 

This axis describes how information is gathered. Sensory people prefer concrete, tangible facts or data that is accessible through the five senses. In contrast, Intuitives prefer abstract or theoretical information, and easily relate it to other information, patterns, or future pathways.

 

Thinking (T) / Feeling (F)

 

This axis describes how a decision is made. The thinkers detach and use rational, reasonable, consistent rules to make a decision, whereas the feelers consider the needs of the people involved, attempt to empathize and balance to achive the best harmonic solution. A question that exemplifies this axis is: Do you prefer justice [Thinking] or mercy [Feeling]?

 

Judging (J) / Perceiving (P)

 

This axis describes, roughly, how a person relates to the outer world. Judgers tend to use their judging function (T or F), whereas perceivers tend to use their sensing function (S or N). Judgers tend to want to make a decision and move on, whereas perceivers want to keep options open.

 

...Dominance of these four preferences is not evenly distributed, just as right- or left-handedness is not. Approximate incidence of the characteristics in USA is:

 

E/I -- approximately three quarters of the population are extroverts

 

S/N -- approximately 85% of the population are sensors

 

T/F -- about two-thirds of males are Ts, and about two-thirds of females are Fs

 

J/P -- about evenly distributed"1

 

"The History

In the 1920s, the idea of personality type was being explored by leading scientists and philosophers. A Swiss psychiatrist, Carl Jung, wrote Psychological Types during that time, in which he gave a detailed description of what has now become one of the most widely used typologies in the world.

 

In the 1940s, Isabel Myers began developing a self-report questionnaire—the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® instrument—that could help people find where they fit in Jung's theory. The use of this instrument has led to an almost universal understanding that there are sixteen basic personality types, each of which can be 'named' by a four-letter personality type code.

 

Two Worlds

Jung first noticed that people seemed fundamentally different in terms of whether they were more extraverted, oriented to the external world of people and experiences outside themselves, or introverted, oriented to their internal worlds of thoughts, ideas, feelings, and memories. Then he noticed more differences in terms of what people were doing in each of those worlds. These he called "functions." They are now thought of as cognitive processes.

 

Functions—Cognitive Processes

Using metaphors for names, Jung described two kinds of cognitive processes—perception and judgment. Sensation and Intuition were the two kinds of perception. Thinking and Feeling were the two kinds of judgment. He said that every mental act consists of using at least one of these four cognitive processes. Then he described eight personality types that were characterized by using one of the processes in either the extraverted or introverted world; extraverted Sensing types, introverted Sensing types, extraverted iNtuiting types, introverted iNtuiting types, extraverted Thinking types, introverted Thinking types, extraverted Feeling types, and introverted Feeling types. He also suggested that these processes operate not just as the dominant process in a personality but also in other ways.

 

The Instrument

As Isabel Myers and her mother, Katharine Briggs, began to craft a self-report instrument, they faced several challenges. They had to take what Jung had seen as an integrated whole personality pattern and try to figure out how to ask questions to get at that whole. They chose to focus on Jung's notion of opposites and force choices between equally valuable psychological opposites. They also added a dichotomy to help reveal the type pattern. The result was sixteen types, each indicated by a four-letter code such as ENFP or ISTJ."2

 

Here are the eight cognitive functions. Each person has four of these functions, and they are "stacked" in a different order for every personality type. The first function that is called the Primary function, the one that they use second-most is called the Secondary function, and vice versa for the Tertiary function and finally the Inferior function. People tend to use these and trust the Primary and Secondary functions most, whereas they are often insecure about and wary of their Tertiary and Inferior functions.

 

Technically, all that the four-letter MBTI personality type code does is tells which functions a person uses, in which order:

 

The letter I means that someone's Primary function is introverted, turned towards the self. Likewise, the letter E means that someone's Primary function is extraverted, turned towards the world. Since the Primary function determines the individual's self-determined purpose and all of the other functions ultimately serve its needs and desires, the E vs. I dimension tells whether an individual is motivated by the world (E) or by their own self (I).

 

The letter J means that the first Perceiving function (N or S) is turned towards the self (i), and that the first Judging function (T or F) is turned towards the world (e). Likewise, the letter P means that the first Perceiving function (N or S) is turned towards the world (e), and that the first Judging function (T or F) is turned towards the self (i). This often means that J types are more organized and prefer things to be more structured,but also may act stubborn on occasion, since the real world is for imposing one's own decisions upon. P types are often more relaxed, open-minded, and disorganized, since the real world is for getting information from, and decisions are made internally.

 

The other two letter dichotomies, N vs. S and T vs. F, simply tell which of each dichotomy is a Primary/Secondary and which is a Tertiary/Inferior.

 

All of this adds up to give each type an ordered four-function stack. Below is a list of every type's function stack in the order of Primary, Secondary, Tertiary, Inferior, further subdivided into four groups known as the Four Temperaments:

 

 

Idealists (-NF-)

INFP: Fi, Ne, Si, Te

INFJ: Ni, Fe, Ti, Se

ENFP: Ne, Fi, Te, Si

ENFJ: Fe, Ni, Se, Ti

 

Rationals (-NT-)

INTP: Ti, Ne, Si, Fe

INTJ: Ni, Te, Fi, Se

ENTP: Ne, Ti, Fe, Si

ENTJ: Te, Ni, Se, Fi

 

Guardians (-S-J)

ISTJ: Si, Te, Fi, Ne

ISFJ: Si, Fe, Ti, Ne

ESTJ: Te, Si, Ne, Fi

ESFJ: Fe, Si, Ne, Ti

 

Artisans (-S-P)

ISTP: Ti, Se, Ni, Fe

ISFP: Fi, Se, Ni, Te

ESTP: Se, Ti, Fe, Ni

ESFP: Se, Fi, Te, Ni

 

"The Four Temperaments

 

...Guardians [-S-J types, also known as Traditionalists] speak mostly of their duties and responsibilities, of what they can keep an eye on and take good care of, and they're careful to obey the laws, follow the rules, and respect the rights of others.

 

...Idealists [-NF- types, also known as Dreamers] speak mostly of what they hope for and imagine might be possible for people, and they want to act in good conscience, always trying to reach their goals without compromising their personal code of ethics.

 

...Artisans [-S-P types, also known as Pleasure Seekers] speak mostly about what they see right in front of them, about what they can get their hands on, and they will do whatever works, whatever gives them a quick, effective payoff, even if they have to bend the rules.

 

...Rationals [-NT- types, also known as Objective Thinkers] speak mostly of what new problems intrigue them and what new solutions they envision, and always pragmatic, they act as efficiently as possible to achieve their objectives, ignoring arbitrary rules and conventions if need be."3

 

The following is what each function is responsible for, explained alongside the example of buying an outfit:

 

 

"INFORMATION-ACCESSING PROCESSES—Perception

 

Extraverted Sensing (Se): Experiencing the immediate context; taking action in the physical world; noticing changes and opportunities for action; accumulating experiences; scanning for visible reactions and relevant data; recognizing "what is." Noticing what was available, trying on different items, and seeing how they look.

[se is responsible for present-tense sensory experience, right here and right now. Hence, -S-P types tend to be impulsive pleasure-seekers.]

 

Introverted Sensing (Si): Reviewing past experiences; "what is" evoking "what was"; seeking detailed information and links to what is known; recalling stored impressions; accumulating data; recognizing the way things have always been. Remembering the last time you wore a particular item or the last time you were at a similar event—maybe even remembering how you felt then.

[si is associated with specific memories, and also completely responsible for one's adherence to tradition. "According to my understanding of tradition, one should or shouldn't wear..." Hence, -S-J types tend to be traditionalists.]

Extraverted iNtuiting: (Ne): Interpreting situations and relationships; picking up meanings and interconnections; being drawn to change "what is" for "what could possibly be"; noticing what is not said and threads of meaning emerging across multiple contexts. Noticing the possible meanings of what you might wear: "Wearing this might communicate…"

[Ne is also usually responsible for one's spontaneity and creativity. Hence, -N-P types tend to be zany, unconventional, and unpredictable.]

Introverted iNtuiting (Ni): Foreseeing implications and likely effects without external data; realizing "what will be"; conceptualizing new ways of seeing things; envisioning transformations; getting an image of profound meaning or far-reaching symbols. Envisioning yourself in an outfit or maybe envisioning yourself being a certain way.

[Ni is also responsible for such reality-independent, pattern-based processes as math, strategy, symbolism, and theories. Hence, -N-J types tend to act academic, whether or not they actually do well in the field of academia.]

 

 

ORGANIZING-EVALUATING PROCESSES—Judgment

 

Extraverted Thinking (Te): Segmenting; organizing for efficiency; systematizing; applying logic; structuring; checking for consequences; monitoring for standards or specifications being met; setting boundaries, guidelines, and parameters; deciding if something is working or not. Sorting out different colors and styles; thinking about the consequences, as in "Since I have to stand all day…"

[Te is Pragmatism, and may be referred to throughout this blog as "Synthesianism." Hence, --TJ types tend to be efficient, organized, straightforward, blunt, and occasionally very impatient.]

 

Introverted Thinking (Ti): Analyzing; categorizing; evaluating according to principles and whether something fits the framework or model; figuring out the principles on which something works; checking for inconsistencies; clarifying definitions to get more precision. Analyzing your options using principles like comfort or "Red is a power color."

[Ti is Logic. Hence, --TP types tend to like a way of living and thinking that is logical and consistent even if not entirely practical or systematic. Since Ti is responsible for tearing ideas apart, logically analyzing them, and then putting them back together if they are wholly consistent, TPs are often not very religious.]

Extraverted Feeling (Fe): Connecting; considering others and the group-organizing to meet their needs and honor their values and feelings; maintaining societal, organizational, or group values; adjusting to and accommodating others; deciding if something is appropriate or acceptable to others. Considering what would be appropriate for the situation: ..."People will [feel bad if I wear this, or feel good if I wear this.]"

[Fe is Ethics. Hence, --FJ types tend to be polite, respectful, honest, ethical, and occasionally rather prude. Since Fe is responsible for systematic morals, FJs are often very religious.]

Introverted Feeling (Fi): Valuing; considering importance and worth; reviewing for incongruity; evaluating something based on the truths on which it is based; clarifying values to achieve accord; deciding if something is of significance and worth standing up for. Evaluating whether you like an outfit or not: "This outfit suits me and feels right."

[Fi is Sentimentality, and may be referred to throughout this blog as "Nocturnianism." Hence, --FP types tend to be passionate, optimistic, idealistic, and occasionally very melodramatic.]"2

 

 

 

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fandom, referred to as the "Brony Phenomenon"

 

Urban Dictionary Definition of Brony:

 

"[brony: Noun.] A name typically given to the male viewers/fans (whether they are straight, gay, bisexual, etc.) of the My Little Pony show or franchise. They typically do not give in to the hype that males aren't allowed to enjoy things that may be intended for females.

 

Other spellings: Bronie

Plural spellings: Bronies

Female 1: Have you seen the My Little Pony cartoon?

Female 2: Yes! It's so cute and awesome!

Male 1: I've seen it as well.

Female 1: You're the coolest brony ever!"4

 

"Anyone on the internet today knows—My Little Pony is everywhere. Images of those pastel-colored ponies can be found at every corner of the web—YouTube, imageboards, community forums, emails… You name it, you can probably find some ponies. It’s a very polarizing subject; you either love it, or you despise it.

 

So just what is the deal with My Little Pony? Why do so many people, especially adult-age males, watch and talk about a show that looks like it’s made for little girls? ...Recently, on a news post regarding Friendship is Magic creator Lauren Faust, the question was asked once more. “Can someone please explain to me why a bunch of grown men have an obsession with My Little Pony?”

 

...Let’s start with the basics: Forget everything you know about My Little Pony. Throw it all away. The series that started in the 80′s, the cartoon that featured overly-cute interactions with ponies, the toy line, the merchandise from Hasbro, and all of the pink, fluffy, cute and adorable things that My Little Pony is synonymous with. Forget it all.

 

In October of last year, Hasbro created a television network. They named this network Hub, and they made it to air shows that support their IPs. My Little Pony, Pound Puppies, Transformers… it’s all there. These are new shows, of course, with the classic shows from the 80′s nowhere to be seen.

 

...For the new My Little Pony cartoon, Hub brought on Lauren Faust to write and direct. Faust, known for her work on The Powerpuff Girls, Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends, and The Iron Giant, has a reputation for refusing the standards and stereotypes of modern cartoons and shows for girls. Faust has always hated that “girl” equates to “cute, pink, and cuddly” in modern entertainment. Girls never have entertaining shows because they’re always reserved for brushing hair, having makeovers and playing tea party. As a result of her approach, her past projects (Powerpuff Girls and Foster’s, especially) are very gender-neutral. Everyone watched them, everyone loved them, and we weren’t afraid to admit it.

 

When Faust sat down to work on My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, she had a completely clean slate to do whatever she wanted with the IP. Knowing this, she threw out EVERYTHING and started from scratch. She didn’t want this show to pander to typical girl show standards. She wanted something that could be viewed and enjoyed by everyone, regardless of sex or age.

 

...[This] resulted is My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. It’s a character-driven cartoon that focuses more on minor slapstick and absurdity than brushing hair and dress-up time. The show is akin to Dexter’s Lab, Hey Arnold, or Johnny Bravo. It presents characters with real and unique personalities, and it confronts real conflict and real consequence, while remaining light-hearted and fun. It isn’t for girls or children, it’s for everyone.

 

Now you know what the cartoon is, and that’s half the battle. Here is why grown...men enjoy My Little Pony:

 

...It started off as a humorous, culturally ironic thing to do. “LOLOL I WATCH MY LITTLE PONY DEAL WITH IT”. 4Chan spread it, naturally. That’s where I discovered it back in December. But as more and more people talked about the show, people started actually watching the episodes. They discovered the awesome characters and storytelling that was beneath the veil of My Little Pony, and animation buffs and cartoon enthusiasts became hooked.

 

So people are watching the show and enjoying it. Big deal. Why is it so huge when other cartoons of relative quality don’t? Simple—it’s the community.

 

...A subculture of sorts was created around this cartoon. I liked the cartoon before I discovered the community because I’m an animation nut. I loved the cartoon after I discovered the community and the awesome things they’ve done.

 

...The amount of content that gets created on YouTube out of this show is staggering. Some of it is absolutely brilliant. People make music, they dub episodes, they remix things, the re-remix things, they create original pieces…. it’s unbelievable. It goes even bigger than YouTube, with artwork, writing (fan fiction—yeah, I stay away from that stuff), custom made toys and plushes… I’ve never seen a group of people rise around something and create content to the extent that the My Little Pony fanbase does.

 

Furthermore, Hasbro have not only allowed the community to upload ALL of the full episodes of Friendship is Magic to YouTube, but they’ve embraced the community. They’ve given shout-outs to the community in videos and episodes, they’ve made things canon because of fan response (see Derpy Hooves), they’ve sent artists to fan-made MLP cons, and they’ve shown total appreciation for all of the fans. It’s insane. This close relationship with the artists and company and fans has created an incredible atmosphere and has only helped boost popularity of the show.

 

...It’s no different than nerds that go to Star Trek conventions, or people who form teams and play video games professionally, or film buffs who are at the cinema three times a week making podcasts about what they saw. It’s a thing, people like it, and they’ve formed a collective community around it, and that simply makes it awesome."5

 

"My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is a popular animated show about the adventures of a group of magical talking ponies with names like Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie.

 

It’s a show primarily aimed at the young girl demographic.

 

So why is a 26-year-old Toledo paramedic tuning in?

 

For starters, said Mike Amborski, the show is smart, upbeat, and full of pop-culture references aimed at the above-elementary school crowd.

 

“It is just really funny,” he said. “The characters have a lot of depth and have a lot of quirky character traits that establish each individual character.”

 

Amborski is a self-proclaimed “brony,” a new type of loud and proud fandom that, like so many unconventional groups before it, is misunderstood and mocked by the mainstream.

 

The term brony is a combination of “bro” and “pony” and it’s a fairly recent phenomenon, though My Little Pony has been around as a toy and in various animated series and a theatrical film since the 1980s.

 

But like most bronies, Amborski was never interested in My Little Pony as a show or toy until much more recently.

 

...[T]here are enough fanboys and fangirls — teenagers and adults — to merit an annual gathering known as BronyCon.

 

Los Angeles-based filmmaker Laurent Malaquais covered the event as part of his documentary Bronies: Adult Fans of My Little Pony, which debuted Monday [10/14/2013]...It was a project largely funded by bronies through Kickstarter.

 

Initially, Malaquais and the film's producers were asking for $60,000. Within three days they raised that, and nearly a month later, they had more than $240,000 to go with it.

 

"It just kept going because [fans] felt it was really important that they had a documentary to tell their story," he said. Collectively, their story is funny, sad, and triumphant, as the mostly teenage boys and 20-something men deal with ridicule and scorn from bullies and even members of their own family. The harassment is why many bronies remain closeted to everyone but fellow fans.

 

"For some parents," having a brony son "was the same as being a pedophile," Malaquais said. "It's just amazing."

 

And while some link the negative reaction to homophobia, the documentary director said he believes it's something else, a real fear by parents "scared [that] their children are being infantile and might be mentally disabled."

 

In fact, his experience with the fandom proved counter to that concern.

 

Malaquais said bronies are typically highly intelligent, generous, caring, and giving — mirroring the show's core message of the many positive traits that comprise the elements of harmony [Laugher, Honesty, Loyalty, Kindness, Generosity, and Friendship].

 

"It's like a very drug-free hippie movement," he said. "Friendship to them is everything."

 

...When My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic premiered in 2010, critics were dismissive, but the show grew a loyal audience, especially among men — something Faust didn't expect.

 

"She was floored by the response," Malaquais said. "I don't think she really understood how big it had gotten until she took in BronyCon last year. She received a standing ovation from over 5,000 fans. She was a rockstar. She couldn't stop crying."

 

Faust has since departed the show, which returns for a fourth season next month, but the brony fandom continues on sites such a equestriadaily.com, a showcase for art, stories, and music based on the show, as well as animated shorts that rival the network's in terms of production quality.

 

Even when My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is inevitably canceled, Malaquais said he expects the fans to keep the colorful characters and their adventures alive. "If it continues, it's on the bronies," he said.

 

He's also curious about this generation of My Little Pony fanboys/girls.

 

"In 20 years from now ... we could have a brony president," he said. "It's possible. They're highly intelligent people.

 

"I'm blown away to see what they'll be and if they take the elements of harmony with them."6

 

 

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