Just as the title states...I hate that feeling.

The feeling you get when you're

- backed into a corner

- walls caving in

- the world getting darker

- the end is near

that sort of feeling.

Why do I feel this way? I think the better question would be, why not, at this point.

I cannot begin to explain the length and time of problems me and my family have had to endure during extreme difficult times. I can only say, when things got worse, we always found ways to get out of it. In this case it won't be any different, the problem is....is that there had been so many stressful situations, all happening at once if not a few days apart, that none of us have time to breath.

There is no exception with me... my stomach has been sent back to the stone age of pain and intolerence. I can't eat without getting stomach pains at this point, and I barely have patience for anypony...including the good fine ponies of this forum. I don't know what to say, I have no defense as to why I may 'address' myself to those new pony members who wish to make 'friends' with me. But right now I am the worst pony you'd want to meet as a first friend. And this is why:

- I was recently evicted from our previous home by our inhumane landowner

- Our movers abaondoned us in our time of need resulting in our whole family coming together to get the move done in time or we'd be FINED for being late on it

- At my current job, my coworkers treat me like a doormat, segregating me from any form of bonding or friendly conversation, and throwing me in all the grunt work despite I'm not the only newbie there.

- My grandmother is in the hospital, and is at risk of a massive stroke.

So forgive me to you fellow ponies who wish to 'get to know me' or make 'conversation' with me...but I am just not in the mood for it right now. I'm in that state of mind where I think "nopony understands or is compassionate enough" to understand what I'm going through and at this point...anything you say, whether it be intentionally rude or not, will set me off, into a spiral of anger or annoyance that could later result in me saying something I'll regret.

To you ponies who feel like they understand what I'm going through, I commend you for your compassion. Maybe you believe or have been through far worse then what I'm going through. Oh lord knows I've been through worse then this too. This is nothing compared to 2010's family losses...But that's beside the point. Whether ya'll understand or feel like you've been through worse, doesn't deter me from the fact, that I'm in this perdicerment here and now, and at the end of the day, I am the one who has to find the sunlight again for myself.

I guess there really is no point in this blog, other then to vent my emotions or thoughts. I guess I could just say to you viwer, to be understanding of what I say, maybe have patience with me whilst I try to find that smile again.