I'm back. If anyone has noticed I have been gone for a few weeks. things happened and.....well, I just needed to leave this place. Thoughts had to be arranged and things needed to be done. It was rather depressing all at first. For a time, I was unsure if I would ever return. The thing is, I had to eventually. Despite some aspects about this forum that bother me, this is one of the only places where I feel wanted, where I feel like people care about me. not just internet-wise but in general. I may not feel worthy of friends a lot, but I cannot abandon the ones I have here. I have had too many friendships die when they shouldn't have. Too many things I have screwed up.I am not doing that here.

So I have decided something. Little factoids about me, I am basically a child in a 21 year old's body. That isn't some metaphor, thats pretty much who I am. Who I will always will be. I enjoy simple stuff. I love my video games, my music, my random obsessions and whatnot, these things I once cherished when I was younger. Due to the depression and sheer internal conflict, I found it hard to enjoy anything now. Any of those things that I cherished before. I let thoughts get in the way. I thought that I had to be like someone else. I thought I had to do this or that with my life. I put so many pointless expectations on myself, instead of being who I am. Well, things are gonna change.

Anyone remember my Ponysona, Kyoshi? I use him as a form of expression of myself, of who I am. A representation of me. I know now that I was doing it all wrong before. He wasn't Pony that embraced who he was, his child-like nature and simple enjoyments. I was trying to channel something different. That was a mistake. Thats not who I am. I remembered this when I discovered Button Mash, a colt that opened my eyes before. That character made me think of me so much, and how I want to just be me. I want my Ponysona to be me, to represent me. Not in the way of appearance but everything else. Like Button Mash.

So without further babbling, let me welcome Kyoshi 'Turbo Button' Lonehearted.

This is the revival and rebirth of my Ponysona, my representation in pony form. He is a young colt who loves video games and simple things. He loves cold weather, snowy mountains and rain. He is shy, extremely so, he finds is hard to make new friends. He listens to music a lot, to express in his own mind his vivd imagination. He can seem kinda cold at first but he is actually quite soft. Once you get to know him, you will see this side open up. Sometimes he thinks he needs to be the cool pony around, that he needs to be immensely talented or special. He sometimes compares himself with others needlessly. Then he realizes that who he is, is all thats needed.

This is who will represent me here from now on. Nothing else will. It is a step I am taking to try and accept myself. I know that this is no easy fix, I will still struggle with the thoughts, the depression, and even the self hatred at times. Plenty of times. Thats a sad truth, but now, I can at least look at Turbo, and reflect myself in him.

I know I have made mistakes in the past here and I do apologize for them. I have neglected friends, brought down others, and its something I feel extreme guilt for now. I know now that it was wrong what I did before and it won't happen again. Turbo will not allow it. I will try to appreciate the friends I have here, because they are some of the only friends I have.

You are all awesome for supporting me, I mean that. I have always felt unworthy yet you continued. That shows what friendship really is.

I will end this post here for now, I know it was really long. I wanted to express all that I am thinking of. My wording can be odd but it doesn't matter. What I say is true. I will do better or at least try. With you all here and now with Trubo, it can at least be easier.

So until next time,

Turbo out.