I've been a part of these forums for 20 months now, and there are a lot of things I've been thinking about over the last couple of them. Some of you may see me as dry, or stiff, or that one guy who doesn't know how to have fun. And, I get that. It's easy to see me as a dull and humorless jerk or a bitter and soulless douchebag. Both are stigmas I'm sure no one wants to have.

But, the truth is, I'm actually very awkward, and not at all social, both here and IRL. I've always been. Ever since I came here, I've had the exact same fears as I've had in real life. I've had many friends in real life who have left my existence. They moved on without telling me, and before I knew it, I found myself searching for new friends, only to have the same bullshit happen to me again.

Sure enough, my fears seem to be coming true. A lot of my friends here have left, or they are starting to drift away and find new ones. I guess it's my fault, really. I should've been more social with them. I should've tried to strike up more conversations with them. I should've played along with more jokes, joined in on more fun, or just made an effort to be more active with them in general.

Well, in all honesty, as much as I'd love to do that, I'm simply not that kind of person. I'm literal, I'm tense, a realist. I wish I wasn't, but that's just the way I am. I get that a personality like that isn't enough for some. I totally do. But, at least understand that I'm trying my hardest to be a good friend. I like to think I am, and if I'm not, PLEASE tell me so I can fix myself.

Instead of just leaving me without saying anything. Because honestly, that doesn't help. If anything, it makes it worse. It makes all of it worse, because I just keep making the same "Mistakes" over and over again.