This entry will not be about me entirely...

It will be about one of my first friends on forums and the one who I miss dearly and remember her to this day. Most of You probably don't know her even, but I feel like I have to write this.

Her name (as well as forum name) was Natasha and she did not have easy life. No living relatives except for her brother, severe depression and social anxiety (to the point she had no real life friends neither) have proven to be a big problem to her. Here she has become friends with me and my other friend (who's name I won't mention unless he'll ask me too) and despite her mental issues she was one of bubbliest and most cheerful people I have met on forums. We were unable to talk a lot because of timezones, but every conversation we had was a fun one and I'd never find out about her issues if she did not reveal them herself. It was always most suprising and heartwarming to see her so happy despite having so sad life.

I did not even have a chance to have any longer conversation with her (I hate You, timezones ) but my friend had more luck. They played TF2 from what I know and from what I know she was quite a player annoying everyone with how good she was in that We caught ourselves talking about her often and it always was either being worried about her or simply stating how fun person she is.

We were also very happy to see her slowly getting better through months of our friendship, becoming slowly more confident and less shy (even if still much more shy than I ever was). Everything looked like soon she'll really be able to go out, meet people and get back on right track.

How blind I was not to notice her happiness had other reason.

On 20th march year ago her brother logged on her forum account. He brought no good news... he brought her suicide note and stated she has ended her life. Those news shattered me and as I said already - I still miss her. Only thing I want is knowing that wherever she is now she is back with her parents and that she is at peace.

*sigh* at least me and my friend have brighten her last months, right? One of things her brother stated is how grateful he was that we were there with her. And I? I am glad she enjoyed our company, like I said - all I want about her is that she has found peace now after all the cruelty this world has given to her...

You might wonder why I wrote this. Partially I wrote this to vent off. Partially to show her and myself that I still remember about her. To keep memory of her alive. I know some people disagree with what she did in the end (I too disagree, but I just can't be angry on her ) but please - show some respect here.