:okiedokielokie:

 

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I don't like this episode either, you know. You don't have to all stand on my kitchen table. :okiedokielokie:

 

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That means get out of my house.

 

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*The Dark Quivit Army leaves my house and breaks my dining room*

 

For the love of... *sigh* Alright, where was I??

 

Oh, yes, of course.

 

 

It's the holidays, and you know what that means!

 

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VACATIONS!

 

Yes, yes, some of you who follow my blog regularly (all three of you) are probably wondering, "what the fuck, guy? It's not Monday! Who gave you permission to do another review?" Well, the answer is simple. This coming Thursday, I will be going on a two-week vacation, half of that being spent out of my home state. Basically, I won't have access to a computer, so the internet may rejoice. This also means I won't have the resources 'nor the time to do any reviews for the rest of the year, and I have three reviews that I wanted to get done before that time.

 

Wait, wait, there are even more "I"s in this paragraph. You see, fellow reader, I wanted my last review of 2015 to be "Winter Wrap Up". Get it? Because it's ironically not winter yet? Anyway, that means I have to get through this episode and "Swarm of the Century" before I leave you assholes on Thursday. So, I figured, let's just do one review every other day until Wednesday, the 16th. And that is exactly what I'm doing now. Expect a review from my ass (that's seriously how I write this shit) tonight, Monday night, and Wednesday night! Then, I'll see you guys back here on January 4th for even more MLP reviews every Monday and Friday + Sunday/Thursday if there's a two-parter abound.

 

Alright, alright, I guess you guys just want me to get to the fucking "Boast Bu-" I mean, "Bridle Gossip" review. I keep getting these episodes mixed up because they both start with the letter B and they both stand for Bad. However, unlike "Boast Busters" where I had to learn to hate it (and even I don't hate it), I've always disliked "Bridle Gossip" as one of the worst episodes of season one. Will I make it through all 22 minutes of this slop-fest? Will I stop opening every paragraph by repeating the first word twice? Let's find out in the exciting review of "Bridle Gossip!"

 

This a spoilers review, so if you haven't seen this episode, become racist.

 

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Okay, let's get this show on the long and winding road.

 

So, so the episode opens up with a sunny day in Ponyville, and Twilight and Spike are walking into town. Hey, that's how the other bad episode started! It's a curse! If your episode starts with Twilight and Spike walking into town, your story is dooomed!!!!!!32!! Aside from that, they notice that everypony's locked indoors. But why? It's such a sunny day out, who wouldn't want to come outside and enjoy sweating their ass off? It turns out, they're just hiding from a zebra.

 

Well, at least Twilight can't get too much flak for being a purple pony anymore...

 

After, after the title sequence plays, we learn that everyone's hiding from her because she's a weird zebra. Wait, sorry, how politically incorrect of me. I meant, she's a weird Everfrian Equestrian. That'll keep you tumblr users off me. Yeah, they don't like her because she's got stripes, and they come up with all these insane theories as to why she's so different from other ponies 'round these parts. For example, she's an evil enchantress, and she tends to do evil dances. Beware, for if you look into her eyes, she'll put you in trances. Essentially, she's a psychoactive drug......Applejack should take a liking to that.

 

"Excuse me, everypony, but when did I give you all permission to butt-rape me?"

 

Twilight's, Twilight's not having their shit, and neither is Spike or Apple Bloom. Though the former is indulged in robbing Sugarcube Corner of its sweets, Apple Bloom decides to take matters into her own hands and follow Zecora back home. However, the others catch up to her in time and try to stop her. In this instance, she is spotted by Zecora herself, and warns the others about the Poison Joke they're standing in. However, the Ponyville rednecks completely miss the point and shout obscenities back. Psychoactive drugs and racism; it's like I'm in 1965!

 

While you're all busy assaulting the Everfrian Equestrian, Apple Bloom is dead on your hat.

 

Twilight, Twilight and the audience find everyone's behavior annoying as fuck, but unfortunately for us, our purple friend is about to change her mind. The next morning, Twilight wakes up with a floppy horn! As a matter of fact, all of the others wake up with defects of their own! Pinkie Pie's tongue went swollen, Rainbow Dash's wings went full retard (Welcome back, tumblr!), Rarity's mane went shaggy (NOW I'M REALLY IN 1965), Applejack went tiny, and Fluttershy had a sex change! In the words of the noble Spike, our friends have turned into Spitty Pie, Rainbow Crash, Harity, Appletiny, and Flutterguy!

 

Actually, Fluttershy wasn't affected by the Poison Joke, she was just very uncomfortable with her birth sex and decided to become one with the balls.

 

Apple, Apple Bloom thinks this is all her fault and decides to go ask Zecora to help the others. However, once again, the others follow her because she's like 12 or something and can't look after herself. Through the Everfree Forest they go, looking for the zeb-...Everfrian Equestrian... to help change them back. Once they all arrive, they find Zecora humming a tune while fixing a brew, which Shitty Pie says is her song. She should sue. This is where Twilight goes to the dark side, for while spying on Zecora, they overhear her say that she's looking for Apple Bloom, which the almighty logical Twilight worries she's cooking the filly. Of course.

 

...I...I've got nothing.

 

Turns, turns out, Apple Bloom had asked Zecora to fix a cure for the Poison Joke, and once the other dumbasses confront the Everfrian Equsetrian and completely wreck her home "hooded cult" style, they are forced explain this. The rednecks apologize, they become cured, they become friends, and that's the end of the episode. The moral: don't be a racist douche.

 

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That was short, wasn't it? I assure you, the running time is the same. It's just that the rest of the episode is padded with out of character idiocy from the entire cast. Nothing else happens in this episode!!!!!!

 

I, I swear, this episode's story is absolutely atrocious. Now, there is sometimes one character that is sacrificed morally or intellectually for the plot in any given episode. It's usually Twilight or Rainbow Dash, in all honesty, but some others have taken the torch as well. Here, every single character is sacrificed in this episode. Plot induced stupidity is guaranteed for all! Everything that makes these characters lovable is drained in this episode. I want to strangle them all! Applejack's a dumbass! Rainbow Dash is a dumbass! Pinkie Pie's a dumbass! Twilight's a dumbass! Hell, Fluttershy's a dumbass! YOU HAVE TO STRETCH PRETTY DAMN FAR TO MAKE ME WANT TO STRANGLE FWUTTERSHAI!

 

Alas, alas, there's 22 minutes of this. There's no progression, it just jumps right into the stupidity. Everyone here is scared of Zecora for no apparent reason other than she looks weird, and I know that a whole goddamn town wouldn't lose their shit over this, let-alone our main characters! That being said, Zecora herself is pretty annoying too, what with her mixed messages. However, this is obviously a trick from the editing of the episode, giving perspectives and elements designed to make you side with the protagonists. In the end, it's not worth it. Sitting through this goddamned episode is not worth it, despite all the memes that stemmed from it. I've never liked this piss-poor episode at all. I borderline hate it, but because I've seen a lot worse from this show, I'm giving "Bridle Gossip" a 3/10. Just...you guys...never do this again.

 

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Oh, I forgot, this is season one. They're going to do this again. Ooooh, goodie. For the time being, in the holiday spirit, let's all agree to forget this episode existed and pretend Zecora had a proper introduction into this series, okay? Great, see you on Monday.