Another Friday, another review, another beheading of one of my family members.

 

Now, let's see, "Fall Weather Friends"..... Hmmm, I don't completely remember what I thought about that episode. Let me consult that review graph that I made a couple years ago for the numeric rating...

 

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What the fuck?!??!!??!?!

 

5/10?!?!?!?!
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!

 

I remember the goddamned episode, and I don't remember it being 5/10 bad! That's one point higher than fucking "Boast Busters!" You're telling me that "Fall Weather Friends" is borderline "Boast Busters" bad?!

 

2014 PrymeStriker, fuck you. I'm gonna watch this episode and I'm gonna come to a brand new conclusion, just I like I did with some other episodes you liked. I'm just gonna log into Netflix and....

 

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Oh, right, I can't remember my password. I should really fix that one of these years.

 

Alright, then, I'll find another asshole's blind commentary on the episode. Those are usually satisfactory. I subscrbelszed. This is a spoilers review, so if you haven't seen this episode, run a marathon...into a pit of flames and then get catapulted into a river full of alligators and have all of your body parts torn from your person slowly.

 

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The episode opens up with Rainbow Dash and Applejack competing in friendly competition with a game of horseshoes. Applejack beats Rainbow Dash, and she gets pissed off. So she challenges Applejack to an iron pony competition. They spit on each other to show that they agree to this competition as the intro plays. The "blind commentator" takes this moment to point out the fact that it is, in fact, the intro. This is content.

 

$500 says this image won't become iconic.

 

As they begin their captain Equestria competition, they call upon Twilight to be a judge. Purple ponies are stereo-typically good at judging, and it shows. Just look at the great judgement skills she practiced in "the Ticket Master", "Boast Busters", and "Bridle Gossip"! Admirable genius, she is. Anyways, they begin the festivities, and after a series of fair games, Rainbow Dash uses her wings in the tug of war. Which, in the context of this world, is technically racist, but we're out here making purple pony jokes, so fuck it. Applejack complains that it's unfair to use your wings when your opponent doesn't have wings. An argument ensues.

 

Shove it down her throat, why don't you? Silly Rainbow Dash, shoving things down Applejack's throat is Rarity's job.

 

Applejack then challenges Rainbow Dash to doing the Running of the Leaves event without her wings. Now, let's just stop here and think about that. This is the annual Running of the Leaves event.

 

This is to help clean up autumn.

 

Two episodes ago, we just cleaned up winter.

 

What the FUCK?!

 

Great choice in episode placement there, crew. You lot are the smartest motherfuckers on Earth. Anyway, back to the story, Spike is excited to be the announcer again.......wait, again? You haven't been in Ponyville for more than a fucking year. Again? The continuity so far in this episode is amazing. Luckily, the slot's already taken by local messiah Pinkie Pie, who claims that thanks to this event, the leaves in Equestria would never fall.......even though they have.....right behind her.....in the same frame. Nevermind that frame, though. Look at this shit!

 

Leaves would never fall my Fall Weather Ass!!!!

 

Lord Pinkie Pie, you have deceived us! How are we to be your loyal and humble disciples when you tell us such falsehoods? I need a moment to contemplate my religion. *sob*

 

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*whimper* Okay, *sniffle* I think I *sound effect* have realized that...

 

PINKIE PIE IS A FALSE PROPHET! SHE HAS DECEIVED US ALL! BURN HER AT THE STAKE! BURN HER AT THE STAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

 

Meanwhile, Applejack believes that Rainbow Dash tripped her. The bitch! We should have her killed too. No, no, says Twilight Sparkle, who has decided to join the race because she's an egghead. Twilight points out that Applejack just tripped on a rock. Unfortunately, Rainbow Dash is much better at lying to herself - just look at how she tells herself that she's awesome. Even though, in the race, she tripped herself, she convinced herself that Applejack, who is many, many yards ahead of her, is the one who caused her to fall. Fuck her, she says, and the two of them ultimately delve into an all-out brawl on the race track.

 

 

In the end, it is Twilight who beat them all (for 5th place). For you see, in a race, you must pace yourself. Start slow and finish fast, as she did, when all the other ponies were tired, she sprinted to the finish line (for 5th place)! Then, Princess Celestia comes out of nowhere. The End.

 

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No, seriously, go watch the episode, she comes out of nowhere and then the episode ends!

 

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Well, Applejack and Rainbow Dash make out up, but then the episode ends.

 

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And that was "Fall Weather Friends." What do I think of it now?

 

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Why in Pinkie Pie's name...or, sorry, Celestia's name, did I give this a 5/10?

 

It's not horrible by any means! A few obvious continuity flaws aside, there's nothing wrong with the story. I mean, one could argue that Applejack and Rainbow Dash are annoying as fuck in this episode with their bickering, which I can agree with, but they're not "Simple Ways" annoying. So, why the hell did I give this episode a 5/10? Well, there's only one logical explanation. I was on drugs when I made that graph. Seriously, I gave "Boast Busters" an 8/10, "Bridle Gossip" a 6/10, and "Call of the Cutie" an 8/10 on that graph. That graph is shit, we all know that I hate all three of those episodes. I've known that graph was bull for a long time now, so something like this is not surprising to me in hindsight. Therefore, I'm giving "Fall Weather Friends" an 8/10. Continuity errors and character annoyance aside, this episode was a fine sit-through and gave us a fine moral at the end. Not bad at all, unless I missed something.

 

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But YOU, Pinkie Pie.

 

 

Don't give me that look! You have deceived my faith for the first last time, missy! You heard me right, I'm converting to Celestism! Let your mindless followers believe in your false prophecies like sheep all they want! I'm going to mindlessly follow another prophecy, one that has a horn! And Wings!

 

Goodbye, Pinkamina. Goodbye for good.

 

*walks out of the First Church of Cupcakes*

 

Well, now that I've converted to Celestism, I now have a bright new sunny outlook on life. Celestia teaches us that we should avoid our problems and send them to the moon for 1,000 years. This is a philosophy I can live by. Therefore, I will be back to judge the next episode, "Suited for Success," according to these morals. Salami and bacon, my beloved brothers and sisters.