Some days I'm not quite sure who I am.
In my past I've felt like a different person for each friend I'm around, due to the fact that I try to blend in with groups to avoid standing out and possibly being abandoned. It must be because I haven't talked to as many humans in the past two years as I have in these past two days. Among these friends I feel like I'm acting different ways when certain ones are around. The differences are much more subtle than they used to be, but I can still definitely feel them.
I feel like I try too hard to impress people. I tend to think that if I'm boring for even a second then the friend or friends I'm with will get bored of me. So I end up being more of a character than a person, consistently trying to be entertaining.
I'm not saying that I'm a boring person or that I don't like being random or entertaining through conversations. Although, I feel like there's a bit more of a serious or perhaps chill side to me that I don't show much. There's just a divide in my brain that won't allow it to appear in front of people, kind of like stage fright.
All I want is to feel like one person, the same person. To be the same alone as I am around people. Whether it's being silly, or chill, or excitable, or the Doctor. I just want to know who I am. I don't know how to achieve that, or how long it will take, but it's my goal.
To learn how to be a little more human.