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What the fuck is Australia Day?

 

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No, seriously, when the fuck did we decide this was a thing?

 

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I need to Google this shit, hold on.

 

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Oh. It's an actual thing, and not something Tumblr declared was a holiday because feminism or some dumb fuck-around. Thank God. I'd wish you all a happy Australia Day, but that require me to be a decent human being. As we all know, I am not a decent human being.

 

Well, I had my "MLK" special, now I have to think about some joke for Australia.

 

 

 

You guys gave us the Wiggles. I rest my case.

 

Now, on to "The Show Stoppers." This is a spoilers review, so if you haven't seen this episode, I'll put you down under.

 

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Oh, wait, this is the CMC episode. I'm the one down under here.

 

Ah, yes, well, fuck this episode. /review

 

 

Fine, I'll do a full review. But I'm going to be extra irritated with this review not only because this is a full-fledged CMC episode, but also because I STILL HAVEN'T FIGURED OUT MY NETFLIX PASSWORD, SO I HAVE TO LISTEN TO BLIND-REACTION McBORINGFUCK choose the worst times to talk over shit. Now, I know what you're thinking. Why not use Dailymotion? Fuck Dailymotion. Dailymotion is for people who like to take pictures of cacti and pretend their gigantic dildos. Furthermore, let's enter the episode. It opens up Applejack showing the kids her treehouse. That probably means what you think it means, but remember, Cheerilee is the pedophile in my canon.

 

This used to be where I played with my toys. And by toys, I mean vibra-

 

The CMC say they don't really like it, but they end up working on it anyway. After the bane of my existence plays, we cut to Scootaloo doing some totally wicked tricks across Ponyville to get to the clubhouse. There, Apple Bloom shows that she has fixed up the clubhouse all nice and peertee. Looking for Sweetie Belle, they find her cleaning off a table as she sings a beautiful CMC theme she just made up. GEE, THAT'S TOTALLY NOT THEIR SPECIAL TALENTS. LETS HAVE THEIR CUTIE MARKS BE ABOUT HELPING OTHER KIDS GET THEIR CUTIE MARKS. THAT'S NOT CONTRIVED, TOTALLY RIDICULOUS, AND STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...............Yeah, expect a nice clean stab at "Crusaders of the Lost Fuck-Up" every time a CMC episode comes around.

 

Goddammit, Applejack. Stop stalking us ya creep.

 

So they go into their clubhouse in aims to figure out how to achieve their cutie marks. They embark on a series of unsuccessful journeys, including helping out on the farm, raping pigs on the farm, taffy making at Sugarcube Corner, Rainbow Dash killing at Sugarcube Corner, dying hair at Rarity's, dying at Rarity's, and playing fun card games. They also tried to climb a rock and become a librarian at Twilight's library. Oh, poor Twilight. Ever since the Cockatrice killed her, Spike just hasn't been the sa-

 

HOLY SHIT! O_O

 

SHE'S ALIVE! What the fuck?! She's supposed to be dead! Snail food! What the hell is this wizardry?! .....CHEERILEE! YOU HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS, DIDN'T YOU, BITCH WITCH!

 

Eh, nah, Cheerilee wouldn't be concerned with saving Twilight. Maybe if it was one of the kids she molests, but not Twilight. Then how did Twilight return? Hmmmmmm..........I guess we'll have to figure this out later. Twilight, having returned from the dead, talks to the young fillies about how obsessive-compulsive they are being about their cutie marks, and that they should let their breasts come in naturally. The CMC isn't having any of Twilight's voodoo shit, though, but soon become interested when Cheerilee shows the girls a flyer for the school talent show. They proceed to have a terrible idea.

 

FANTASTIC! We'll try out for the TALENT SHOW!!! Dumb fucks.

 

Yes, yes, so this plotline revolves around the CMC trying out for the talent show. Great. Unfortunately, the three of them get their "talents" mixed up. Kind of like "Crusaders of the Lost Fuck-Up" got the entire point of their arc mixed up. I hate everything. Anyway, in the context of this episode, we learn that Scootaloo is good at stunts/tricks, Sweetie Belle is a good singer/songwriter, and Apple Bloom is great at making things appealing to the eye. You might assume for the talent show, Scootaloo would be in charge of their choreogrpahy, Sweetie Belle would compose a pop tune, and Apple Bloom would work on decorations, right? NO! Sweetie Belle wants to be like her big SISTER and be a slutty bitch crack whore costume designer (so she'll work on the set), Scootaloo wants to write the song, which leaves Apple Bloom to do the choreography. Fantastic! Blah blah blah, highjinx ensue, and this is the result of their work:

 

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Yep...

 

So that happens, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders end up getting the prize for best comedy. I don't know. I didn't laugh. Then again, I find great pleasure in the suffering of other people, so my opinion is not valid in that regard. Unfortunately, they don't get their cutie marks, but they do learn a very important lesson.

 

They should pursue comedy.

 

 

 

 

 

Again, that's not a joke. That's what they learn at the end of this episode.

 

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That's seriously "The Show Stoppers." And what do I think of it?

 

Again, for my analysis of this episode alone, I will remove "Crusaders of the Lost Fuck-Up" from the equation. What we're left with is MLP's attempt at a comedy-based episode with no real 'moral,' just entertainment value. Depending on who you are, the lack of a real lesson to teach is either neutral or negative, but it's clearly almost never a positive. So that's one detraction from this episode. So, with nothing to build up to, then there's another point to this episode, and that's the aforementioned entertainment value. Done right, theme-less comedy episodes for any show can be a hoot-and-a-holler. Unfortunately, "The Show Stoppers" is not one of them. They might amuse a young child, or anyone else with a softer sense of humor, but when you're someone like me who enjoys the rants of George Carlin and the giant middle finger to society that is South Park, there's nothing of substance here.

 

Now, there's only one other reason this episode exists, and that's to set up the CMC arc. Let's bring "Crusaders of the Lost Fuck-Up" in for this point. This is the very episode that I was referring to when talking about how they teased a completely different direction for their arc. By this episode, you get a clear understanding of where these characters are heading with their special talents, and as the episodes move along, they build on this foundation at an arguably well-balanced pace so as to finally lead to something interesting at the end. That's not done, as we know from my rant on the season 5 episode, so what ELSE is the fucking point of this episode? All three things that could possibly be of substance here are removed, so there's just this enormous hole in the first season with this episode. No point, whatsoever. Unfortunately I'm not going to give this episode anything lower than a 5/10, because it's not terrible by any means. It's just REALLY pointless.

 

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Are we back in character now? Great.

 

So that leaves just one more question. If Twilight Sparkle died in "Stare Master," how did she return?

 

Let's honestly think about this (even though I made the death up in the first place), because this will drive me insane for days on end....

 

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Wait a minute....

 

Friendship is Magic (Part 2) Review

 

When Rainpaper Backwriter causes an rockslide and everyone is saved except for Apriljerk and Twisight, the former tells the purple one to let go, assuring her that she'd be fine. When she does, she hits the ground and explodes into blood. R.I.P Flyright Clockle.

 

After a new (purple) pony is born from her blood, named Twilight Sparkle...

 

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Oh................my God.........................