Fuck this episode.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No, not because I hate it. Fuck this episode because everyone else hates it. Many a day have I spent bitching to no end with other people on the quality of "The Mysterious Mare Do Well". Well, you know what I do when other people hate an episode that I don't hate? I don't care! Spoilers ahead!

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

So this episode opens up with Scootaloo opening up the Rainbow Dash Fan Club meeting. This is not Equestria. This is a Brony convention. Scootaloo is trying to declare Rainbow Dash the most awesome pony in Ponyville, which is a good effort, but that's legally impossible. Besides, Pinkie Pie's better. Hell, anyone's better than Rainbow Da-actually, nevermind that. Snips and Scootaloo have a skirmish on whether Rainbow Dash should be declared awesome, stupendous, astonishing, breathtaking, retarded, or otherwise, when Rainbow Dash pretends to be a schoolpony and suggest a word that's not a word. Truly the best pony.

 

You're a mastermind, Dash.

 

After the title sequence, there's a filly trapped in a well. Nope, that's not one of my acid-induced fanons, there's really a filly trapped in a well. And it's not Diamond Tiara, so Rainbow Dash says "fuck it" and saves her from death. I'd like to know how she got in there and survived, given how long of a drop the well appears in the episode, but I'll make like Rainbow Dash and fuck it. When she finishes, there's a crowd there to congratulate Rainbow Dash for doing something not-dickish for once, and modestly, she flutters off. Modestly? Flutters? Saving? Fuck it? You MMDW-haters are right! Rainbow Dash is OOC! ........Oh, whoops, she's a dick again, nevermind.

 

Just kill me now...

 

Eventually, Rainbow Dash's friends start to (finally) notice that Dash is an asshat when she starts basking in her own glory. Spike was even hoofpicked by Dash to write her autobiography (that's really in the episode), and when you take Twilight's slave, bitch gon' get gatted in the back. Don't fuck with a purple pony!! Soon, light-bulbs go off in all the other five's heads. But, of course, we don't know what they're up to yet. Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash prepares to save a falling hot air balloon, but given her huge ego, she waits about ten seconds before actually performing the deed. This gives a brand new hero plenty of time to take the spotlight, dubbed the Mysterious Mare Do Well!

 

Shit just got real! ............I'll come up with a clever caption eventually.

 

This Mysterious Mare Do Well accomplishes a series of impossible tasks. Not only does she save the person in the hot air balloon, but she stops a horseless carriage from riding off a cliff, prevents scaffolding from killing construction workers, and plugs up a damn dam. Back at Sugarcube Corner, where the deer and the antelope play, our main characters are talking about how great the Mysterious Mare Do Well is. Rainbow Dash starts to show her colors when she becomes jealous of this new hero. She vows to prove that she's a better hero than Mare Do Well and starts looking for trouble. When there's no one who needs saving and people start to become annoyed with her, Dash flies off to sulk. Adding fuel to the fire, Scootaloo invites Dash to the celebration of Mare Do Well, the best hero in Ponyville. Ah, yes, how awful are the other characters being. Rainbow Dash is totally not at fault in this episode, when she quits doing good deeds and starts sucking her own co-

 

.....Okay, I'm totally gonna come up with a clever caption now.....

 

Dash decides to take this opportunity to unmask the masked hero. But instead, Mare Do Well sends Dash on a chase throughout the town with plenty of twists, turns, and cigarette burns. Eventually, Rainbow Dash pins one of them down, when it's revealed who Mare Do Well really is! It's...LE GASP...PINKIE PIE! Oh, and, LE GASP...TWILIGHT! Oh, and LE GASP...APPLEJACK! Fucking shit, and LE GASP...FLUTTERSHY! Oh, and LE GASP...KATARA!

 

..................................Okay, I've got one..................................................fuck, I don't.

 

Twilight, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy all played Mare Do Well at different times! Applejack stopped the carriage, Pinkie Pie saved the workers using her bible Pinkie Sense, Twilight plugged up the damn dam with her magic, and Fluttershy did the flyby afterwards. Rarity just designed the costumes....and probably did some cosplay in the suit on her prostitution ring. Her friends explain that they do want Rainbow Dash to be a hero, but not brag to holy hell about it. See, they decided to take the glory away from Rainbow Dash so that she could realize what she was doing and put an end to this nonsense. After learning a valuable lesson about not being the showboating prick cunt asswipe that she's been for FAR TOO LONG, she has a change of heart and strives to become a more humble pony...........................until season four, that is.

 

And that's why you should never pick up a needle, Dashie! Good enough.

 

And that was "The Mysterious Mare Do Well"

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Nope, you lot aren't converting me. I still love this episode.

 

It's the episode that finally takes Rainbow Dash's attitude and starts to turn it around so that she can make progress in her development. By the end of this episode, I actually feel like I can start liking Rainbow Dash for once rather than wanting to stab her repeatedly every time she's on screen. And you know what? I DO start liking Rainbow Dash after this episode. She becomes a lot more fleshed out at this point in the series which makes future appearances more enjoyable. But you know what happened? Fans started bitching about this episode, and I can only assume that word got around to the staff of the show, because by the fourth season, Rainbow Dash is back to being a dick again. Cite "Castle Mane-ia" and "Daring Don't" as prime examples. Rambling in the journal or otherwise about how awesome she is, and not in some kind of self-esteem boost way, but rather this episode's portrayal of her.

 

Complaints on this episode range all over the spectrum, but a common criticism is that "the other main characterz r meen, dey d0 da same ding 2 teech lessun". Well no shit! People act like exaggerating someone else's behavior to teach them not to do said behavior doesn't happen anywhere else. You hear that ringing? It's reality calling. There's nothing abnormal about that at all. People do that all the time. Characters do that all the time. But you know the one thing the others didn't do when trying to show Rainbow Dash she was being an asshat? They weren't asshats about it! Rainbow Dash saved lives, took the glory, and it impacted how she approached preventing death! The Mysterious Mare Do Well did what Rainbow Dash did and then screwed off. She didn't stick around the bask in the glory, and only basked in the glory in two scenarios.

 

Those two scenarios? One: when other ponies wanted to indulge in MMDW, such as the celebration. That was most certainly not any of the four's idea, but since the mayor and the citizens wanted it, they attended. The other scenario? In Sugarcube Corner when they were talking about how amazing and humble MMDW was. People say this is an example of the asshat gloating, but they could be just as easily congratulating each other on the other person's accomplishments since there obviously was more than one MMDW. Besides that, they were clearly just doing that to give Dash a taste of her own medicine. That comes back around to the "they did the same thing" argument, doesn't it? While I agree that there is at least one instance in this episode where I thought "alright, calm your tits" with the other five's behavior, I still say fuck you, 'cause that comes back around to the "reality calling" argument. This episode is a vicious cycle of aimless complaints and aimless defenses, so I'm done ranting on it for now lest I be sitting here until Monday's review. I love "The Mysterious Mare Do Well" and I don't care who knows it anymore. This episode gets a 9/10 from me.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

As we approach closer to the Crystalling, I must say, I'm getting a real kick out of ripping to shreds the ideals of Celestism. I'm going to keep up the positivity, for in just eight days, the storm will be upon us, and we'll all have to make a choice. So until then, I'll see you guys in further chronicles of...

 

The Crystalling.