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Coming to terms with being the irrelevant anomaly that I always was.


TheMarkz0ne

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Had some time to have introspect about my life in the past several weeks. One thing people have always told me over and over again, is that I am too serious. They are actually right. I don't laugh in social circles, I laugh alone and it's usually things people don't find funny. I always walked through life isolated ans asked questions, questions and more questions. I am naturally a curious person and the way I talk to people is like I am studying them, if that makes any sense to you.

 

Here I am now, 23 and alone. I associate with people, I talk to people and I have shared moments with people. But people in due time, have left me. Usually them coming to the realization that I am odd and they don't like me at all. This isn't me beating myself up, this has happened my entire life.

 

You either hold these philosophies on the subject of change. You believe that people can change and that we can all coexists and potentially get along. Or you believe people don't change their nature and you are forced to deal with the hand Mother Nature dealt you. I am going with option two, the view that people find to be the negative view.

 

I am not going to accomplish anything major in life. I never wanted fame, I did however want to die knowing I have done one great thing in the world. Just one major accomplishment and I could pass in peace whenever my time comes. I can't say that will happen at all, but I can't count myself out yet. I can only conclude that I am fine with being single, women don't desire me. And I would be fine walking the dirt trail alone in the night without a flashlight. I used to be afraid of failure, now it seems I'm embracing failure and accepting life for what it is.

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I think a Person, who didnt do anything wrong and goes trough his life, without breaking any rules and without doing anything bad, is a good person.

 

Im pretty sure, you are already a lot better than some other Humans.

But then again, i dont really know you so...i cant say for sure.

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I think a Person, who didnt do anything wrong and goes trough his life, without breaking any rules and without doing anything bad, is a good person.

 

Im pretty sure, you are already a lot better than some other Humans.

But then again, i dont really know you so...i cant say for sure.

I just didn't ask to be born though. That's one question I have always pondered on why I am here, like everyone else of course.

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well i suppose we are all here for a reason some of us may never know the reason i am still finding that reason myself but i am glad that i will be looking for a long time yet and discover more things about myself. now i think about it that probably didnt help your situation sorry

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well i suppose we are all here for a reason some of us may never know the reason i am still finding that reason myself but i am glad that i will be looking for a long time yet and discover more things about myself. now i think about it that probably didnt help your situation sorry

I'm not offended. I just hate this world that operates off money. We need to go back to bartering and education for the sake of truth and knowledge. Not greed and hubris.

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I just didn't ask to be born though. That's one question I have always pondered on why I am here, like everyone else of course.

 

The best way to find answers is to ask the right questions. When it begins with a "why", it's often a lost cause. You know this joke kids make to their parents ? "Why A ? -Because B. Why B ? -Because C. Why C ? -Well..".

 

Anyway, don't feel worried about all of that. Understanding and accepting yourself is already a lot. Many would put that aside and live their lives in hypocrisy. What's next is up to you, it is a long way to go, but as long as you don't walk backwards, you will always find more answers. The questions often outnumber them, but they shouldn't be walls or holes on your road. They should only be a reason to keep moving, to find answers, as other questions are unveiled, assuring the continuity of the process.

 

Don't focus on the final objective, focus on your every thought and movement, for the only thing you will ever possess at the end of the road, is the memory of your journey, and what's left of yourself.

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The best way to find answers is to ask the right questions. When it begins with a "why", it's often a lost cause. You know this joke kids make to their parents ? "Why A ? -Because B. Why B ? -Because C. Why C ? -Well..".

 

Anyway, don't feel worried about all of that. Understanding and accepting yourself is already a lot. Many would put that aside and live their lives in hypocrisy. What's next is up to you, it is a long way to go, but as long as you don't walk backwards, you will always find more answers. The questions often outnumber them, but they shouldn't be walls or holes on your road. They should only be a reason to keep moving, to find answers, as other questions are unveiled, assuring the continuity of the process.

 

Don't focus on the final objective, focus on your every thought and movement, for the only thing you will ever possess at the end of the road, is the memory of your journey, and what's left of yourself.

I don't understand culture and success defined by  society. It is why if I died tomorrow, I wouldn't bother fighting to live. Because why would I want to work and accumulate loan debt perpetually? Why work a 50 hour job that benefits the elite? Why can't we simply have a society where we service humanity instead of metering everything? 

 

I feel as if the modern world is a parasite that doesn't kill its host. Humans live contrary to nature. A wise man told me... Whatever is popular is not true. Truth by consensus is evil. 

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You don't have answers, you are stuck because you don't project things. We are not living machines, we are sentient beings. Money is wrong to you because you absurdly focus on it for everything. We are more than what money makes of us. Our work is more than a mean to get money.

 

If you actually left this way of thinking, and opened yourself to more absactive concepts, you'd understand. Money is nothing but abstractive ideas brought to life in one concrete body. It was always here. Criticizing it, and blaming it for our society issues is like blaming the brain for creating sad thoughts. It's missing the point.

 

It is you, and you only, that can elevate yourself high enough to see that. Work has always been more than the outcome it generates, or the people it benefits. Every concept which is so deeply linked to us prevails over money. But it takes work to see through concrete things of our everyday life. But as long as you don't want to open the road and move on, you will be stuck. I wish to give you answers, to call out from the other side of the road so that you might understand that there is more behind it. But you are the only one that can open the way.

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