*VWARP* Sure, Joan Rivers. I'm not doing anything this Friday!

 

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SHIT I do reviews on Friday.

 

*checks date*

 

SHIT it's Saturday Sunday.

 

*checks episode*

 

SHIT it's "The Last Roundup"

 

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Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhit.

 

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So this episode opens up with Appleshit practicing for some rodeo, with her good sister Shittle Bloom cheering her on, hoping that she'll once again bring home the title of Equestria Rodeo Champion. No pressure. Then we move on to Rainbow Shit teaching Derpy Shit how to shit a brick. Also, fan favorite speaking role? Dear God. The fanservice begins.....

 

THE FANSERVICE BEGIhey, Netflix has the "censored" version of this episode.

 

The...bastards?

 

That hoe [gardening tool] is probably fried AF.

 

After we get some terribly edited horrible voice acting, we move to a bunch of nitpunks in the town square chanting Appleshit's name. As if, you know, there's nothing better to do. Eh, this is Equestria. Of course there's nothing better to do. They're getting ready to send Appleshit to the competition when Shitty Pie demands a speech from her disciple. She delivers: "This is worst send-off anyone could ask for. The food was terrible, and I think Combustion Man died. Regardless, since some of you pedophiles have been cheerin' me on since I was a little pony, I see it's only fittin', to use my winnin', to wipe my sittin' pittin' while I'm shittin'. Y'all gettin' what I'm spittin'? Time for you all to die." What a fitting speech for a celery addict.

 

D'aww, a rehabilitation reject!

 

Meanwhile, at the train station, Granny Shit, Shitty Pie, Shitlight Sparkle, Fluttershit, and other humans are there to bid their best wishes to the apple one. Then the episode ends.

 

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I wish.

 

More things happen. The other humans plan a surprise party for Appleshit, but she sends a letter saying she's not returning to Ponyville. Well, crap. I guess the Apple Market's going to Hell. Aren't apples like, one of their main sources of food? What if the town starves to death? Granny Shit can't run the farm, Shit Mac can't do it on his own, and FFFFFFUCK Apple Bloom. That's right, I've already grown tired of adding "Shit" to everyone's name. But I digress. Ponyville's sure to crumble now. But don't worry. It's up to the other five retarded ponies to SAVE THE DAY!

 

RIP Ponyville (2010-2012)

 

They first go to the rodeo in Canterlot and ask the cleanup crew "WHAT THE FUCK?", but to no avail. Then, a miracle happens: someone recognizes her after everyone's tired of trying and is ready to commit suicide, and points them to some remote town in the middle of nowhere. Pinkie Pie's really gotta piss at this point. Like, they make that abundantly clear. She's REALLY got to PISS. Pinkie's gnat-sized bladder, however, led her to find Applejack coming out of an outhouse. That's when Applejack lets her new slave owner, Cherry Jubilee, explain her new job. She works at a cherry factory now. Cherryjack? Sounds like Appleshit.

 

Shipping #207 is formed.

 

Applejack subsequently tells her former friends to fuck their feathers. That's when the rest of the gang get jobs as Applejack's cherry sorters to try and squeeze information out of her. An I Love Lucy sketch rip-off ensues, and no information is revealed. It's time to call in the big guns. LORD PINKIE PIE. The other Autobots get Pinkie Pie to ramble on for hours, annoying the hell out of Applejack until she promises to reveal why she's not coming back. Oh, but not just any promise. A PINKIE promise. Oh shit. You KNOW what happens when you break a PINKIE promise. INSTANT SODOMY. Unfortunately, our fellow celery addict breaks a Pinkie Promise by leaving town before she can "spill the beans". Shit's about to get extremely grotesque.

 

HOLY MOTHERFUCK. O_O

 

The chase is on to get to Applejack before she can escape! Hijinx ensues with Pinkie Pie batshit insane. I think Armageddon is here. Or was that the Crystalling? I don't remember my own fiction anymore. However, Applejack soon explains that she said she would reveal all at breakfast, but she didn't come to breakfast. This is enough for Pinkie to screw off, and her trust exercise with Rarity leads to both of them getting knocked off their group chariot. If Applejack's going through this much complicated shit just to not tell what happened at the rodeo, surely something DREADFUL must've happened. Like, she was responsible for someone's death or something. Right? NO. She just fucking came in 2ND PLACE.

 

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WHEN THE FUCK DID APPLEJACK TURN INTO RAINBOW DASH?!?!?

 

You've got to be kidding me. We wasted 22 minutes on this?!

 

In the end, her friends tell her, essentially, "don't be a little shit", in the sappiest way possible, and then Applejack writes a stupid letter to Princess Celestia. So concludes "The Last Roundup".

 

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That was the most unsatisfying revelation, conclusion, or whatever, of season two. Even shit-storm "Secret of My Excess" didn't have such a "screw you" ending. I mean, sure I get it, Applejack didn't want to disappoint the town after everyone was counting on her. But for fuck's sake, they went through SO MUCH just to get to that revelation. And was it worth it?! No! They made up right there in the desert and everything was suddenly okay! Now, that said, I don't hate this episode. Why? Because Pinkie Pie is thoroughly entertaining in every conceivable way. From her indifference to there being a speech to her Cherry Chonga rants, she was a true success in this plotline of failure. Doesn't save the whole episode, though. I'm going to give "The Last Roundup" a 6/10. Moving swiftly forward.

 

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So, that's about it.

 

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Oh, did you want a real explanation on why there was no Friday review? I was busy. I didn't have any time, honestly. Also, I had forgotten by the end of it all, so there was nothing I could do by the time I realized it. This doesn't mean a schedule change, though. Your regularly scheduled programming will return next Friday.

 

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That is, if I'm not dating Joan Rivers in Hell on Friday. You know, once dead people become demons, some of them look really hot. And that's not just a pun on the temperature down there. Like, they're smokin'. Who knew Joan Rivers would be one of them? Well, time for me to get my ding thing going. See y'all next revVVV*VWARP*