*VWARP* -nd I think I might've shattered her ovaries in the process.

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Why does this Hell Transporter teleport me to the MLP Forums at the absolute worst times?

Ugh, sorry, since I've cut down on my review schedule, I've decided to take weekly trips back home in the intermission. I was just telling cousin Kim Jong-il of my zany adventures meeting Emma Stone in 2022, but I shan't repeat the climactic and erotic story because we have a much more interesting episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic to review. "Baby Cakes"! I remember quite liking this episode back in the day, so let's see how much I can rape my childhood. Venture forth!

This is a spoilers review, so if you haven't seen "Baby Cakes"....err....get a....babysitting job?

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I'm way too shit at these spoiler warnings since the hiatus.

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This episode opens up with all six of the mentally challenged retarded characters we follow in this show waiting to see Mr. and Mrs. Cake's new baby. Sorry, babies. They got twins. Neither of which are earth ponies. The boy thing is a pegasus and the girl one is a unicorn. I'm just gonna say it: Mrs. Cake might've beaten Rarity's record of being the biggest slut in Ponyville if she managed to give birth to twins of different species that neither she nor her husband are among. Busy, busy cake. Anyway, Pinkie Pie keeps trying to celebrate but is constantly told to shut the fuck up.

Rebellion against the First Church of Cupcakes? Infidels are obliterated.

A month later, Pinkie Pie plays with the babies while the parents do other work things. However, when the cakes realize they have a huge order to deliver today, they set out to find a babysitter. They first try Fluttershy, but she's taking Angel McShitface on a picnic. They then ask Twilight, but she's got to write useless things to Princess Celestia. Applejack is unavailable when there's a swarm of hungry caterpillars coming to destroy her farm. Because that's the solution. Have the caterpillars starve to death! They also try Rainbow Dash, but she has tickets to the Wonderbolts, so she tells 'em to fuck off. Finally, Rarity just said "no." I'm not even fucking joking, she doesn't have any other reason for not babysitting other than "no." What, does she have too many rocket-cleaning clients on her schedule?! Ergghhh. All the while, Pinkie Pie keeps attempting to take the job as the Cakes reasonably ignore her...until they have no choice...

I would surely entrust my children to someone making that face to me! Right after I report them to the police.

And so it is set. Pinkie Pie will watch the demon children in their parents' absence. Everything goes smoothly, yes? No, the fuckers start crying instantly. I'm going to recommend the same solution I did when Flurry Heart started the Crystalling. Murder them. Sure, you'll loose your job and go to jail, but at least the world is spared of the nuisance that is infancy! And that, my friend, is the best service you could offer. Unfortunately, being the messiah type that Pinkie Pie is, she decides to put on a show to stop the children from crying. First she tells shit jokes, just like someone else we know. Then she sings a shit song. Nothing works of course, until FLOUR POWER.

OH MY GOD! IT'S MICHAEL JACKSON! HE IS ALIVE!!!!!

Unfortunately, the flour thing seems to be the only thing that'll keep them at bay, and that's almost impossible to continue in all circumstances. The babies refuse to eat, take baths, or change their diapers. I mean, that happens when they turn 12, too, but it drives Pinkie Pie to drink in this situation. Many hi-jinx ensue, and the babies cause a series of problems such as food mess, nudity, and nuclear warfare. Thankfully, Pinkie Pie managed to stop Ponyville from obliterating Canterlot offscreen just in time for her messiah to show up for some aid. Twilight Sparkle is here to save the day!

Quick! Use some of your atheist magic to save the day! And HURRY!

Unfortunately, Pinkie Pie soon gets offended like a third-wave hipster dumbass cunt fuck from Tumblr when Twilight talks about her inability to watch over children. So she turns away Twilight's assistance to resume doing things on her own. This is Pinkie Pie's best decision of all time, clearly. More problems arise when the babies start exhibiting their birth race power things. Pumpkin Cake exhibits magical levitation shit and Pound Cake can fly. Explosions and car chases proceed, but the chaos finally breaks Pinkie Pie and she starts to whine like the children once did. In this role reversal, it is now time for the babies to harness the power of flour.

THE MICHAEL JACKSONS! THEY MULTIPLY!!!!

After Pinkie Pie finally gets the twins down for a nap, she writes a letter to Princess Celestia about the hard work of children and what not. Well perhaps you should've thought about that before telling Twilight to screw off. When the Cakes finally get home and see that their house isn't in flames, they ask Pinkie Pie to be their go-to babysitter on a regular basis. Initially, Pinkie Pie says "fuck you ya cunts, you can go jump in a hot flaming bowl of flat acid before I ever babysit your devil-ass children again!!1!" But then the twins say her name and suddenly she's available next Tuesday. Let's say...9AM-ish?

"Next time I babysit...they're dead."

And so concludes "Baby Cakes".

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I actually remember loving this episode a lot back in the day. It was an example of the perfect episode from season two. Upon further inspection, I do really like this one. It's got a great depiction of Pinkie Pie, some on-point comedy, and the twins aren't too annoying either. However, I did end up having one complaint by the end. I felt the moral was too rushed. Like, we see how much trouble the twins are and what not, but Pinkie Pie doesn't exactly have a turning point when she realizes this in a timely manner. It was an off-hand remark in the middle, more hi-jinx, some crying, and then suddenly "I know all the answers". I felt it might have been better if Pinkie Pie had turned back to Twilight for help by the end of the episode so that the lesson seemed more realistically learned. Still a fantastic episode regardless. I give it a 9/10. How delicious.

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Midway through season two, are we? Excellent. Just thirteen more episodes until we get to do season three....

...thirteen....more weeks....

....of ponies....

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Ugghh. I'm going back to Hell now. These trips are going to be necessary to maintain my sanity. Whatever's left of it, that is. See the other half of you all in the next review. So like I was saying...*VWARP*