"Putting Your Hoof Down"?

 

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So...are you killing your hoof? Or are you being told to put it down because it was raised but nobody wants to hear your answer? In either case...

 

 

 

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I've got a BIRD IN THE HOOF FOR YOUUUUUUUu.

 

Spoilers ahead.

 

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Walter dies on the floor at the end of Breaking Bad.

 

What? I didn't say which spoilers they were. You guys really need to start paying attenitun to exactly what I say.

 

Anyways, this episode opens up with lunch time for Fluttershy's animals, and Angel wants something god-awfully specific. What a cunt. I'd make him roadkill if I were Fluttershy. After the title sequence bites my beating heart as my mind oozes from my crispy-melted eye sockets, Fluttershy goes into town to get all the recipes for Angel's ingredient......errr....ingredients for Angel's recipe. That's when someone cuts in front of her in the asparagus line. Dickhead. I'd stab her kidneys with a dull knife incessantly for that. Then an old guy cuts in front of her. Asswipe. I'd shred his eardrums with Skrillex music and then kick him in the asshole for that. Then these two teenagers cut in front of her and are actually cunts to Fluttershy about it. Fuckwads. I'd...probably tell them to kill themselves. I've already utilized my go-to murdering techniques, might as well let them do the job for me.

 

That's when Pinkie Pie and Rarity step in and say, "Hey, Fluttershy, don't be a doormat ya prick." When some nerd takes the last asparagus thing, Rarity shows Fluttershy how to stand up for herself be a slut. That's not a joke, instead of showing her how to be assertive, Rarity shows Fluttershy how to be a slut:

 

Rarity won't be needing a business card for this one...

 

Meanwhile Pinkie Pie teaches Fluttershy helpful bargaining techniques, but neither of them actually show her how to be assertive in general, as exemplified when she fails to bargain for a cherry. Put simply, since there's no cherry, when Angel gets his food, he throws it out the window. Everyone's an asshole in this episode. What reasons more do I need to enact genocide on Equestria given this shit? That's when Fluttershy sees a brochure for Iron Will's...assertiveness class. Turning doormats into dynamos since 1982. Fluttershy goes to this seminar that's being held in the middle of a labyrinth, as the festivities begin and Iron Will introduces himself. He then mentions that if the ponies in his audience are not 100% satisfied, they will pay $0.00 for the seminar. What if I'm only 99% satisfied? Do I still have to pay?

 

You there! In the Nickelback T-shirt! What the fuck is wrong with you?!

 

Iron Will gives the ponies plenty of pleasant tips. First of all is 1) Don't be shy, look 'em in the eye. That's going to be a problem for someone who is named Fluttershy at birth, for fuck's sake. The second tip is 2) When some pony tries to block, show them that you rock. Although Fluttershy's answer was "go back home and try again tomorrow", which is genuinely hilarious. So, essentially, you should push the fucker out of the way, and then use tip #3) Never apologize when you can criticize. Holy shit, those are the words I live by every fucking day! So the next day, Fluttershy is ready to kick some ass. First, when a gardener tells her to screw off, she explodes water in his face. Then, when two chatty cumswallowers refuse to move their carts of garbage that are blocking the bridge, Fluttershy kicks the trash on them. Finally, when some dipshit cuts her off in line, she...eh...yells at her. I guess she too used up all of her go-to murder techniques too early. Pinkie Pie and Rarity approve, but for how long, Chris? FOR HOW LONG?!

 

I made that face when I wiped out the Eskimos.

 

However, once............did I just reference two of my season one reviews that quick? Sheesh.....once Pinkie Pie and Rarity realize Fluttershy's going a bit too far, the praise turns to panic. "New Fluttershy" doesn't let anyone push her around period. So she starts going on these rampages of rage and shit. Beating up the mail man, killing college students.....a normal day for me, but I digress. Pinkie Pie and Rarity decide to confront Fluttershy on this, but she even lashes out on them, insulting their character and their aspirations. Since I love insulting people, as well as the taste of fresh prostitute blood, I shall elaborate. Fluttershy tells Pinkie Pie that she's stupid and has a simple brain (what a bitch!) and that Rarity's a prissy pussy (that's accurate), and also proceeds to tell them that they're wasting their lives on things no one gives a flying fuck about. Okay...she said flying feather, but Andrea Libman was SOOOOOO on the verge of saying "fuck" I could TASTE it. Deliciousness indeed. This causes her friends to cry and they all run away, leaving "New Fluttershy" to realize she's now "Awesome Fluttershy" "Asshole Fluttershy"

 

This seems like a Diamond Tiara moment. Everything reminds me of "Crusaders of the Lost Fuck-Up" nowadays. i cri evrtim.

 

That's when Fluttershy boards herself up in her house and ties herself to a chair. Holy shit is this some fucked up imagery. I mean, I can't find a good snap of the first shot of Fluttershy in the house, but I thought MLP was going to tackle suicide or something. Anyways, Iron Will interrupts this shit to collect his payment. However, Fluttershy says "Err...no." She was 0% satisfied, which means Iron Will's service is FREE. Goddamn Fluttershy got off the hook on that one. From there, she apologizes to her friends for telling the truth being a dick, and explains that she now knows how to assert herself without being a preacher dick, and they all live happily ever next episode.

 

Shipping #908: Threesome Edition

 

And that was "Placing Your Hand Up".

 

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Some Fluttershy fanatics don't like this episode for showing their goddess in a bad light....

 

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Fuck those people. This is another one of the best episodes of season two.

 

This is another case of the comedy being really good on this one. From "go back and home and try again tomorrow?" to "Um...no" and (Rarity): "We all said things that we regret." (Pinkie Pie): "We did?", this one had me with genuine smiles just like last episode. But aside from that, this is fantastic development for Fluttershy. The pacing is perfect with how she starts out, how out of control things get, and when she realizes the balance. It's orchestrated neatly, and not to mention some of the dark imagery and damn near adult things said in this episode are very welcome. I've always just loved this episode to death, and though I still think "A Friend in Deed" is better, "Putting Your Hoof Down" still deserves it's absolute solid 10/10 rating. Now, Fluttershy, make me some tea....

 

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now.

 

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Well, this is the point of the review where I say something funny and then bid you all farewell.

 

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So here we go. *AHEM*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The current state of America, and go find a lilac that'd be willing to have sex with you.