I can't really help myself sometimes...

I go through the RP section a lot, and there are a number of times I come across some of the niftiest scenarios and characters - the folks who RP here are awesome - and I wonder to myself, "hey... wouldn't it be neat if I could-"...

But that's where I stop. Why? Well, that's a complicated answer...

You see, I've been floating around on this site for over a year now, and I've been a part of a number of RPs here. But many of those RPs have fallen through, even when I tried my best to save them... and it makes me feel downright awkward to get myself involved in an RP that someone else from a past endeavor is already involved in.

It kinda feels like I was in a boarding house with them, and after splitting ways, I see another vacancy in another boarding house... but they're already there, too. It's weird, and it feels... well... it feels like I'd be intruding if I asked to join them again.

It's like I feel them thinking:

"Oh LUNA SAVE ME, not HIM again! Last time we roleplayed, the story fell apart - if he gets into THIS one, the same thing'll happen! I hope to Celestia they turn him down!"

That might not be what they're thinking at all... but it's how I FEEL like they see me, sometimes.

I guess I simply get the thought that folks would rather continue on in their own way, not needing ME coming into the middle of their fun and knocking it askew. As it is, I'm already ensconced in a few RPs of my own; it's not like I don't have anything to do or such.

It just... I dunno... I feel like I'd be intruding. The last thing I'd want to do is become an RP Albatross, folks feeling like I'm basically a brick tied around their necks, weighing them down and dragging the story through the dirt.

The funny thing is, I'm fairly certain that I'm not a drag to RP with... however, between my self-defeating attitude and my somewhat irrational fear of being shunned, I get to the point where I have multiple RPs open to their OOC threads, ready to write a want for joining... and I just close them, thinking "I don't want to intrude - let 'em have their fun."

As much as I'd love to add to many of the other RPs I see here, I just can't bring myself to see it as anything more than my butting-in where I might not be welcome; probably better to simply carry on with my own and maybe brohoof a post or two along the way.

Perhaps someday, I'll even get over myself, eh?

But until then, I think I'll simply let folks do what they do. Easier that way. Besides, this way I don't embarrass myself NOR others who I've RP'ed with in the past. They've already had to deal with me before... which, I know, can be irritating at times (and I apologize for profusely, in retrospect).

Still, so many REALLY cool stories here... and I'd love to add to SO many of them... but it's probably for the best that I stick to my quarry stories - let everyone else have fun their way.

If anyone needs me, I'll be with my OCs, doing my thing. Pardon me.