Welcome, one and all, to the season three wrap-up of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic!

 

 

I know what some of you are thinking.

 

Didn't you just write a review like 9 and a half minutes ago?

 

Yes, and I'm glad you're able to count. Anyways, I figured, since "Keep Calm and Flutter On" was supposed to be uploaded last Friday but was cut short by my modem committing suicide, that this entry should at least be uploaded as scheduled. So here we are, and there you are, and we are all together.

 

So we're dealing with the last three episodes of the third season. Let us see what the epic conclusion holds in store. This, is "Just for Sidekicks". Spoilers ahead!

 

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So this episode opens up with a panning shot of several pictures indicating that Spike had let Peewee free. I know that sounds like a dick joke....and that's because it is. However, it was that phoenix Spike caught in "Dragon Quest" that I complained was useless. Nice to see the other writers telling Merriwether to fuck herself. Anyways, Spike is baking a jewel cake, but he can't control himself so he eats all the gems before he can bake them. Oh gee, now Spike's able to bake? Wouldn't that've been useful in "Spike at Your Service", when he was magically bad at baking for a day? After the title sequence gives me very little reasons to live, Fluttershy shows up offering gems in return for watching over Angel while she and the other five crack-addicts venture off to the welcoming of the head of the Equestria Games in the Crystal Empire. Ohhh yeah, this is the beginning of that arc.

 

I'd be careful around Spike if I were him. We all know what happened to the last guy.

 

It's at this point that Spike gets greedy and starts thinking that if he can babysit the other five coke-snorters' pets, he'll receive even more gems in return. It's also at this point that bigoted fans criticize the writing of this episode because Spike is being greedy again.......even though it's an established part of his character. Oh well, can't please everyone so you've gotta jerk yourself off instead. So he goes around Ponyville collecting all the pets of the mane six so he can receive his gem payments. However, things get a little wild because Spike doesn't know how to take care of pets. To top things off, Angel has escaped Spike's grasp! He dun goofed, and because I've backtraced it, we'll have to report this to the cyberpolice. Not to worry, though, since he made his way to the CMC's treehouse.

When Spike gets his hands on Angel, consequences will never be the same!!

 

Spike sees opportunity when the CMC baby Angel like a little bitch, so he manipulates them into taking care of the pets by saying they might get a pet-sitting cutie mark. However, the CMC one-up him by asking for a jewel in return to buy beds, food, and toys for the pets. Uh................what? Jewels...aren't currency. They're easily found mere inches in the ground, and they're considered food by many species. It's like trying to buy a car with a tomato. Alas, Spike gives them the smallest of his six jewels. However, the CMC fuck up hard and he's forced to take back the pets at the cost of that jewel. And this is only the tip of the iceberg, as Zecora relieves him of one to teach him not to be greedy/prevent another "Secret of My Excess". Shortly thereafter, Granny Smith takes one for...some reason, but shit heats up when Angel hops on the next train to the Crystal Empire. Spike chases after him, but the conductor says he needs chaperones and incentive. Respectfully, the CMC and another jewel. Seriously?! Even the train conductor accepts gems?! I'm fucking done.

 

At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if the CMC themselves were acceptable currency in Ponyville.

 

Spike hops on in hopes to snag Angel and jump off before the train leaves, but this isn't the case. Instead, the CMC, Spike, and all six pets get caught in the chugger to the drug-lord's paradise. Maybe the CMC can get their cutie marks in cooking crystal meth. After the pets fuck up a donut cart, Spike is forced to fork over one more gem, leaving him with the single jewel Fluttershy gave him. Soon after, they arrive at the Crystal Empire (which is farther away than Canterlot and didn't take more than a day to travel to...."MMMystery on the Friendship Express"...), and the CMC are antsy to get out and look around. Spike does his best to keep the wild children, the rabbit with separation anxiety, and the rest of the roudy animals under control and not let loose out in the Crystal Empire, but to no avail. Angel's on his way to fuck Fluttershy in the ass with his monstrous dick, which is made easy by the mane six getting ready to board the same train back to Ponyville. Unfortunately, Spike uses his last jewel to throw at a buckle, which unbuckles a tower of luggage in a cart, blocking Angel's path to Fluttershy.

 

Gotta catch 'em all.

 

The gang briskly rush back to the train, but are met with more panic when the mane six join them in the same car, forcing all ten of them to hide under the seats. When Angel threatens to kick Applejack's seat and blow their cover, Spike cracks and says he deserves it for neglecting the pets and only caring about his own selfish desires. He displays regret for not being a good enough leader for the pets, and expresses intriguing remorse for his greed. It's welcoming to see Spike learn his own lesson rather than it being taught to him a la "Spike at Your Service". In return, Angel retrieves the gem that Spike through at the luggage for him to eat, making amends with his enemy for the episode. When the train finally reaches Ponyville, the CMC, Spike, and pets jump out the caboose with slick stealth and pretend to have met them at the station. And as they say....owls well that ends well.

 

Shipping #6,850 confirmed.

 

And so concludes "Just for Sidekicks".

 

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My memory might be a bit faulty considering I don't have a list of all the Spike episodes.....but...

 

Is this the first good Spike episode?

 

I mean, I know it's popular to hate this episode as much as the others, but the only real flaw in this one is the fact that jewels are treated as a currency. Granted, I do think that's a big enough flaw to deduct major points considering even Twilight claimed at the end to want to eat a jewel cake, but everything else about the episode seemed fine. Spike has a greedy side, and there's no getting around it. However, it seems that with this episode, they brought that character trait full circle by actually having him learn from it rather than to "outgrow" it or whatever. One complaint for this episode I know is "SpikeAbuse", which is a cop-out complaint I fucking hate in general. Characters need to overcome hardships in order to be interesting, and this is one of those cases. If you want everything to go easy for Spike, you're gonna have an even shittier episode than you started out with because it would be boring as fuck. Here, he does overcome his hardships and learns a really well-deserved lesson from it, resulting in grade A development for Spike. All that said, I'm going to give this episode a 7/10 out of fairness since one of the major plot threads really didn't make sense, but I still relatively enjoyed this episode in the end.

 

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Hmmm, the quality of episodes do seem to be improving since "Keep Calm and Flutter On". However, there's only two more episodes, so we'll just have to see how well these final pieces fit into the puzzle. Join me next Friday when we continue the season three crap-up!

 

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Dammit, these outros need more crude jokes.

 

Quickly, find the most vile, disgusting, and vomit-inducing thing in all the world!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THERE we go. Now that I've given you all nightmares, have a happy Black Friday.