Previously on My Little America: Trump is Our Fucking President Now.

 

President Trump: "We need to build a walrus, and that's what's happening whether you like it or not!"

 

PrismStore: "My blood pressure's spiked and I think I'm growing a vagina on my neck."

 

Twilight Sparkle: "Sarah, this is an intervention. We're concerned about you."

 

Deathmare: "(Bell tolls once) Well now. I seen this one before to myself. Since I do know why Princess Luna wanted power so badly . Such a shame though, she almost destroyed herself by becoming Nightmare Moon. Luckily she survived that rainbow attack from those certain items the Equestria girls picked up. I wonder if I could find those items. I know they are around there and I can sense it. Well its just me assuming, but hey why would I do something naive like what Luna was trying to do. Just an example. So me being the reaper here. I do know that Scuffy right now is being told his time is up, which is not true in fact. (Sigh) Why do these people jump the gun right away and are guessing someone is next? No one is going to hit the bucket. Unless if they did something they will regret. Oh well, time will tell if that happens. I wonder if they mentioned me in the other forums. Hmm. (Bell tolls once)"

 

PrymeStrrr: "Rough day, huh?"

 

Nightcare Noon: "There can only be one princess in Equestria, and his name is JOHN CENA."

 

Cue the title sequence!

 

 

 

(BAH BAHDAH BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. BAH BAHDAH BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.)

 

Spoilers ahead.

 

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So Part 2 opens up revealing that Twilight is, in fact, envisioning the past, when Princess Luna actually first became Nightmare Moon and the events leading up to her banishment to the moon for a thousand years. Well, holy shit, man. That's pretty cool. We actually see the torment Celestia goes through trying to save her sister but ultimately having to banish her to the moon. That's really nice, since it seemed so contrived in the pilot. However, that flashback doesn't give Twilight many answers, so she takes another sip to see when Discord was first turned to stone. Here, Discord is seen eating some odd looking black seeds before being blasted with the gay rights beam, and following this, Twilight learns about a mysterious macguffin called the Tree of Harmony.

 

Looks like a dick to me. Then again, everything looks like a dick to me.

 

Twilight deduces that this is where she and her friends need to go. 'Cept there's one problem. It's in the heart of the Everfree Network. DEAR GOD. THE HORRORS. TERRIBLE INTERVIEWS, POINTLESS DEBATES! IT'S LIKE AN AMERICAN ELECTION! And now with it branching out across the world?! We're doomed! Needless to say, the six of them do venture into the forest seeking out the tree, and reach a....Cragadile? The fuck is a Cragadile? A stoned crocodile? Why didn't you just say Keith Richards was attacking the ponies in the first place? So it seems the Cragadile Keith Richards has Twilight and Spike cornered, but the other five scare him off with good music and save their beloved princess. Except, since Twilight is such a hindrance to the mission, and her princess status makes her more important than the others, they she should wait behind to spare her life. This is further twisting the knife of Twilight's strife to stay connected with her friends despite her new duties. I fucking love this premiere, you know? Alas, Twilight fucks off into the corner.

 

"Money don't fuck friends! I need a homie that know me when all these motherfuckin' cops be on me!"

 

I should mention no soundtrack plays during this scene at all, which is beautiful. I fuckin' love this premiere, you know? Meanwhile, back in Utopia, Discord is filing his nails with Gummy's back when Twilight confides in him. But Discord has no time for Twilight's shit, so he tells her to go back into the forest and find her friends so they can all stay united or something. While the other five actually manage to find the Tree of Harmony, Twilight is attacked by queefing vagina plants. The Five Fuckers soon regret sending Twilight away when they learn they can't just untangle the vines and weed from around the youth of America the Tree of Harmony, and are in need of some brainy-smart plans. Luckily, Spike runs to tell them that Twilight's in trouble, and they all go back to kick those vagina plant's asses. Then they all realize that friendship is magic as per usual.

 

"Remember me I'm your homie that was there on the brawl. Sippin' Hennessy, hangin' with the clans and all."

 

When they arrive at the Tree of Harmony, Twilight recalls a quote from Celestia during one of her potion-induced drug trips, which talked about the Elements of Harmony being able to control all that grows here (in the Tree of Harmony's cave). So the grand princess deduces that they should give the tree the elements, although the others don't initially agree. "How will we protect Equestria?" "Aren't the elements what keep us together?" "Which one of these six South Park characters will be killed off next season?" These questions all rumble among the crowd, but Twilight assures them that their friendship will exist without the elements of harmony. So, with everyone united, Twilight places the elements on their slots in the tree, which breaks those fugly vines from around the tree and frees Celestia and Luna. Apparently, the vines were trapping the two princess at their collective base, which must've been painful as fuck. Alas, they have returned, and the tree has sprouted a new season-long story arc.

 

"So...I'll get the chainsaw?"

 

When they get back to Ponyville, Discord is there inquiring about their lack of Elements of Harmony, in which they admit are gone. This logically leaves the door open for Discord to unleash his havoc again, but Fluttershy gives him the disapproving speech from Hell which makes him snap out of it and help them clean up. He also happens to admit that those seeds Discord was eating back when Celestia and Luna first turned him to stone were the seeds that were meant to overcome the Tree of Harmony thousands of years ago, but only managed to sprout up now. Well, fuck, talk about a turnaround time. In the end, the ponies return to Canterlot for the Summer Sun Celebration, where all ties are knotted in a bow. Celestia gets to relaunch the celebration as the return of Princess Luna, and Twilight even gets to do her Sonic Rainboom rip-off. All's well in Equestria once again.

 

"And when you're stuck, where the fuck is all your friends? They straight busted, and can't be trusted, fuck 'em!"

 

And so concludes "Princess Twilight Sparkle"

 

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10/10.

 

Everything that was great about part 2 I already mentioned in part 1, except now everything came full circle. Twilight's feeling of disconnect with her friends regarding her being a princess was fleshed out by the other five wanting to preserve her and send her away, and came full circle when both parties realized they were stronger as a unit. With Celestia, we saw the torment of banishing her sister to the moon up close and her joy when announcing the Summer Sun Celebration's new glory in the return of Luna. Discord was still a riot as usual, and such praise rarely needs any reiteration. Then of course, the animation was still beautiful in this part, and the fact that we're embarking on a new story arc for the season just inflates the glory of what's to come tenfold. Like I said about part 1, this is the ultimate make-up for the My Little Pony: Equestria Girls travesty, and the absolute best way the season could've started. The whole premiere gets a solid 10/10 average from me. Exceptional work.

 

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Well, I guess I had nothing to worry about after all. Part 2 was just as good as part 1, and none of it reminded me of the shittiness of Equestria Girls. All we have ahead of us is 24 episodes of season four, and that will likely begin the Friday after next Friday. For you see, this week I'm headed for a vacation in Vegas. Why, pray tell, would a teenage demon want to go to Vegas? I say why, pray tell, would a teenage demon not want to go to Vegas? I wanted to write the "Castle Mane-ia" review in advance so that all I had to do was post the entry on Friday, but that didn't happen because I just happened to get a sickness a day this week. First it was a headache, then a sore throat, then sinus problems, then I had two vaginas on my neck, all wrapped in pearls....in my ass. So, worst case scenario, "Castle Mane-ia" will have to come on February 3rd, however I may be able to work on it in time. I can't promise anything, so keep your eyes pealed. But hey, at least I got to finish this incredible premiere. Catch you guys next time on...

 

My Little Pony....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Magic!