Welcome back to the season four wrap-up of My Little Pony: Friendship is Why the Fuck Am I Still Watching This Fucking Show!

 

 

Here we are. The end of season four, the end of the "what did I think of this episode back when it aired" arc-thingy, and on our 99th review facing the second part of this finale as Review #100. There's a lot to wrap up around here and very little time to do it. I've scheduled a meeting with a board of feminists and that conference room isn't going to bomb itself. What do you think I am, someone with a remote control? Anyways, let's take a look at the last mini-review I made before starting up this blog in August of 2014:

 

On 5/10/2014 at 11:06 PM, PrymeStriker said:

It's official. This was the best season finale this show has pushed out period.
 

 

.......Hehe..."period".

 

 

..Hmm? What's that? People hated this finale?

 

 

WHAT THE FUCK ELSE IS NEW?

 

Everyone in this god-forsaken fandom hates every premiere and finale. I've seriously read a handful of reviews on "Friendship is Magic", "Best Night Ever", "The Return of Harmony", "A Canterlot Wedding", "The Crystal Empire", "Magical Mystery Cure", "Princess Twilight Sparkle", "Twilight's Kingdom", "The Cutie Map", and "The Cutie Re-Mark", all with some brony who hasn't taken their Adderall spastically raging over how they're all the worst premiere/finale in the history of television. And you think I have any right fucking mind to watch these episodes with their complaints at heart? No. I'll watch the fucking thing for my damn self and draw my own conclusions, because I'm an individual with my own mind, and unlike most people, I don't admire everybody in this oh-so high-tier analysis community as gods. That said, gather around, my feeble disciples, as I tell you the ten commandments that is "Twilight's Kingdom"

 

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So this episode opens up in the Crystal Empire, with Spike gloating about how he saved this place and asking everyone else if they remember that. Spoiler alert: Yes, they do remember that, 'cause that was a plot device in the last episode. However, when Rainbow Dash complains about Spike's gloating only for Rarity to sock it back to Rainbow Dash about all the gloating she's done for the past four seasons, I smile in relief as I know this episode was written by someone who gives a fuck. Apparently, the team is on their way to some kind of....ceremony......who cares what the event is. Twilight, on the other hand, is feeling like her status as princess isn't particularly amounting to anything remotely important. And you know what? She's completely right. The only thing she's done all season long as princess was moderate a trade commune. Other than that, her role as princess has been pretty unimportant, which leaves great promise to the rest of the finale to explore where Twilight's princess duties can come into fruition. Seems like, yes, there's quite a bit of promise in this finale. 

 

Purple princesses always get the short end of the stick.

 

A boring piece of shit song ensues after Twilight confronts the other princesses on this, where she sings about wanting to make contributions to Equestria. In the number, however, the other princess assure her that her time to play her part will come. My question, however, is that why didn't it come immediately after she was crowned princess. I mean, wasn't there a reason she was crowned princess in the first place? It makes me think that her becoming a princess, while great for the character herself, was ultimately not well thought out by the other princesses. Welp, too late for that, I already gave "Magical Mystery Cure" an 8...or a 7...or something....I don't fucking remember. Meanwhile, later on in the night, Princess Celestia has a dream/vision that some cloaked nigga with an amazing voice named Tirek is out on the loose, and that something must been done. I recommend three way intercourse, but this is a kids show unfortunately. After the commercial break, Princess Celestia explains the origins of Tirek. He came from a distant land with his brother Scorpan to steal Equestrian magic. However, Scorpan pussied out and was like, "yo, deez ponies ain't so bad, I'd smash 'em". When Tirek was like "no daz gey", the Princesses sent him to Hell. Literally. However, he escaped due to the Cerberus leaving his post in Tartarus back in "It's About Time". Damn, that's one hell of a callback. Wouldn't have even imagined that having any impact on anything back when I watched that episode. It's like 9/11. A pleasant surprise. Tirek's been wandering around trying to find the strength he needs to suck Unicorn horn again. Instead of deciding to send Twilight to catch Tirek, Celestia enlists another hitman: Discord.

 

So this finale has Twilight depth and Discord? Fuck me, this is the best finale!

 

You see, Discord can sense an imbalance in magic due to him being....Discord. It's kind of like knowing your about to shoot a super creamy load. But before Discord goes off to masturbate, he pays our band of killjoys a little visit, drawing Twilight's attention to that Harmony Tree box from the premiere, suggesting maybe there's something in there that will help her. He even hands Twilight the journal they've been keeping all season after he's bookmarked "important passages". To me, this screams Discord's trying to tell Twilight something, but since the main characters in this show are stupid, they're not going to realize this until much later. So instead they go to the Castle of the Ass Kissers to see if there's any books on the box's importance, to no avail. All the while, Tirek's power grows ever stronger, just in time for Discord to detect the disturbance in the force and show up to fuck him over. But wait, this is a two-parter, so there's gotta be more than just capturing him, right? You bet your dick-hanging ass there is. Tirek offers Discord a proposition. After he wipes this world of Equestria magic stench, who better to turn the world upside down than Mr. Chaos Emerald himself? Discord is offered a choice of "freedom" over "friendship".

 

"Okay, but only if you fondle my balls while you're down there."

 

While Discord ponders this, Twilight realizes that all the sections Discord has bookmarked are previous episodes where the other five got their keys and overcame some kind of big trial...full with flashbacks and all. Please no "Rainbow Falls", PLEASE NO "RAINBOW FALLS".....................they actually have Pinkie Pie interrupt Rainbow Dash before her flashback can begin. Wow...this IS the greatest finale ever, nodding at that episode's shittiness. Twilight deduces that since the challenges they individually had to overcome helped shaped someone else's direction, the objects they received from those people might have some significance. It's almost like Discord had a point, fucking idiots. So they all bring the items from episodes past to the box, to discover that placing them up on the box transforms the items into the physical keys. How convenient for everyone. Everyone's keys are placed into the box except for Twilight, who has yet to receive hers. All the while, they get some mail from Celestia informing them that Discord's gone rogue, and with his help Tirek has been able to suck not only Unicorn horn, but also fondle Pegasus wings and Earth pony hooves. Once Twilight arrives in Canterlot, the princesses could only come to one conclusion: Rid themselves of their own magic!

 

.................."Yeah, Celestia, this is your dumbest idea yet. And this is coming from the same genius that thought sending your sister to the moon was a good idea."

 

To be...continued.

 

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Uhhemmmem, yeah, okay, this is a good first part.

 

I mean, it's not perfect, but there's setup for some great elements in here. Twilight feeling unsure about her position as princess, Discord's betrayal, the growing strength of Tirek. All of this is some really powerful stuff to move the second part along. However, yeah, there are a few blips in the rough here and there. This does not include the ending, considering I know what Celestia means by "get rid" of our magic as we'll explore in the second part, but rather with some of the stuff in the middle. Sending Discord alone was a poor choice by Celestia considering his reformation was not too long ago. He's very susceptible to being manipulated this early on. She should have had the Elements of Harmony and Discord team up to locate and take down Tirek so that they can keep Discord in check. However, this wouldn't have made for a satisfying finale so early on, now would it? Tying everything up in the second act, nothing would have gotten resolved. So, yeah, I can see why it was necessary for Celestia to make this mistake, but it's a crucial mistake nonetheless given the stakes here. Also, I don't like how the objects can just transform into keys because magic. Everything else, though? Pretty damn good. I think the first part deserves a 8/10 overall.

 

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Tune in soon when we take on, dick first, the season four finale of....

 

 

My Little Pony...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friendship...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friendship.......................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Uh........

 

 

 

 

Something.