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碇 シンジン

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In recent months I've noticed increasing amount of blur in how I sense myself and everything else around me. Its almost feeling like everything is slipping through my hands without me being able to grasp them. Sensing myself as an individual being and a part of this world becomes more difficult because of this. I cannot match the present beings into how I sense them so placing myself in an environment becomes pretty difficult.

What I am left with is basically a feeling where I am nowhere as I was not able to place myself into a given situation then usually doing something won't really result in anything as I have basically lost myself in the process.

Currently I'm not really sure what all of this means or how I should deal with it but if this continues into this direction and things will become even more blurred I'm not sure how it would affect further into my perception of myself and everything else as it already feels like it's unstable.

At times it feels like I don't really even live in this world and that I live in somewhere else entirely. That might be a result of me rejecting myself and the reality as it is and deleting it from myself around 5 years ago.

All of this has become pretty difficult situation within myself.

 

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