The last two entries were pretty serious.  Time for a silly one.

Y'know what really grinds my gears?  The lutz.  I'm talkin' about this thing:

And now you're going, "...what?  The f*ck?  What are you talking about?  Are you high right now?"

Well, I told you it was silly.

So, I'm a figure skater.  Or... at least, I once was.  I'd like to be again one day.  Point is, I actually did this stuff.  Well, single jumps, anyway.  That was as far as I got.  I was never very high level.  So, I can actually do a single lutz, and I'm here to tell you that the lutz jump is the stupidest piece of crap in the skating world, and it shouldn't exist, and I'll tell you why.

So, there are six main skating jumps.  I mean, there's lots more, but these are the six that you hear about on tv: salchow, toe loop, loop, flip, lutz, and axel.  Five of these are unique and look really cool and different from each other.  But the lutz is just a stupid version of a flip.  They're identical except for the edge they take off from.  Technically, the difference is that the flip takes off from an inside edge while traveling on a circle in the same direction as the jump rotation, while a lutz takes off from an outside edge while traveling on a circle counter to the direction of the jump rotation.  What the hell does that mean?  For the layman, it means that the lutz is exactly the same as the flip in every way, except that the skater leans awkwardly the wrong way before taking off.  Really.  That's it.  I'm serious.  It's stupid.  Why do they do it?  Because it makes the jump harder.  Harder jump = more points.  But it looks asinine.  The flip looks very nice and natural, but the lutz just sort of juts out awkwardly before take off, and it looks horrible and unnatural.  And it's by design.  To make it a lutz, you basically have to start out going the wrong, unnatural way.  There's no purpose for it except to make it needlessly difficult.

I love skating for the beauty of it, and the lutz is just ugly by design.  Flips look much better.  That's why (if I ever get back to skating) I will never do a lutz again.  I don't respect the lutz.  It shouldn't exist.  F*ck the lutz.

I warned you.  Like I said--silly.  That was fun.